Traumatised
by Karin Matthews
Summary: A sequel to Violation. Even after Ivy and Bane were arrested, Dick hasn't been able to get the itching feeling from his skin. To escape the trauma of what happened, he dons the mask and leaves Gotham. But the fear starts to sink beneath the mask. When his life beings to spiral, an unexpected hand holds him up. A villain broke him, maybe a villain can fix him. (M- Themes of Rape.)
1. Preface

Dick dropped his school bag on the floor unceremoniously as he entered his bedroom. He took a sweeping glance over the room, seeing the familiar and the new. Bruce had moved him to a new room in the manor and replaced his bed in the hope of helping his young charge move on from the terrible ordeal. Dick had thought seeing his old room would bring back memories of Bane's assault, but in all honesty, the new room did the same. The absence of his old room was a scream in his head just as loud as the actual room itself, with its broken door and blood-stained carpet. But he dared not share his feelings with Bruce; the man had been in turmoil over what had happened with Ivy and Bane. Dick did not want the older man to blame himself any more than he already did.

Heading to the bathroom he stripped out of his school uniform, sighing deeply as the hot water made contact with his skin. It never seemed to be enough. Bane's touch was like an itch under his flesh that made his skin crawl. After he had once again scrubbed at every inch of his body, he exited the shower, wrapped a fluffy white towel around his waist and padded back to the main room. He paused as he passed his full-length mirror. It was an item he had been avoiding since he had returned to the manor, something else he tried to hide from Bruce.

He paused and stared at himself; running his fingers along his chest gently. The bruises were beginning to fade now, soon they would be nothing more than memory; nothing more than those phantom itches under his skin. Dick dropped his head and sighed to himself sadly.

Maybe one day he would be able to look in the mirror and not despise what stared back at him. But today was not that day. He looked his body over and felt his nose curl. He felt tainted. Broken. Used.

Bruce had asked him to go and see Dinah, to talk to her about what had happened. Dick had complied, he wanted Bruce to think he was getting better. He didn't want this to hang over the man who had given him so much. He could see Bruce blamed himself, which Dick told himself he didn't want. But deep down he knew he blamed him too. But he couldn't tell Dinah that; whether she told Bruce of not, he didn't want to say those thoughts out loud. This ultimately, made his sessions with Black Canary useless.

There was only one way he had found to stop the itching, the repulsion and the general fear of being in his own skin. As soon as he put on his mask, he was no longer Dick Grayson. He was Robin. And those horrible things hadn't happened to the Boy Wonder. Robin was strong and fearless, he could do anything. Overcome anything.

If only he could be Robin all the time. Maybe if he never had to go back to being Dick Grayson, he would be ok.

**A/N: Here is the long-awaited and highly requested sequel to 'Violation.' I hope it lives up to expectation! - Karin x**


	2. Chapter 1 - One Year On

A crack of thunder echoed across the night and Dick's eyes snapped open. He stared ahead into the darkness above him. The blackness swam into shapes and swirls then lit up as another flash of lightning came from outside. Upon the next clap of thunder, Dick realised his body was heavy. He couldn't move. Even his fingers were ignorant of his commands. He tried to open his mouth to shout out, but his jaw was locked shut. He couldn't move, couldn't scream.

The shadows above him swirled faster until they morphed into the shape of a man. Dick whimpered, his eyes wide as Robert's face loomed over him. As the rest of the man's body formed, Roberts face melted away to be replaced by Bane. One of his hands came to rest on Dick's heaving chest, pressing down and restricting his air flow. Bane's other hand went down and began creeping its way up against Dick's leg, feather-like touches on his inner thigh, going higher and higher.

Dick renewed his struggle to move his body, a sound that resembled a muffled scream came from his closed lips.

Move!

Move!

Bane's face came closer to his own, the hand on his chest pushing harder. He couldn't move, couldn't scream, couldn't breathe.

Move!

Move!

Bane's mouth pulled into a sneer, showing his crooked teeth. Dick could do nothing but stare. Why wasn't anyone coming? Why did no one ever come?

Move!

God damn it! MOVE!

With a yell, Dick's body violently ripped itself from the bed, sending him crashing to the floor. He scrambled to the wall and pushed his back against it, staring back into the dark room. Another flash of lightning lit up the space. But there was no one there.

Dick took some raspy breaths, trying to fight off hyperventilation.

The first time he had suffered from sleep paralysis, he had been hysterical. It had taken both Bruce and Alfred hours to comfort him; he hadn't wanted anyone to touch him. He wouldn't let them close enough to help. He had just sat in the corner of his room screaming. In the six months that followed the Ivy and Bane incident, Dick suffered four episodes of sleep paralysis. Each one was just as terrifying, but each time he was able to recover a little faster. But this was the first time he had had an episode since he had left Gotham five months ago. This was the first time he had had to fight off the paralysis while he was in Titans Tower. And this was the first time Bruce didn't knock on the door afterwards to check he was alright.

As if to contradict this thought, a knock came from outside his bedroom door.

'Rob, you alright?' It was Cyborg.

Dick pushed himself off the floor, grabbed his sunglasses from his bedside table and opened the door a crack.

'Yeh, I'm fine.' He said, though his voice still shook.

'I thought I heard you scream?' said the robotic man.

'I've got the TV on.' Robin lied. 'I'll turn it down.'

Cyborgs human eye glanced over Robin's shoulder and noted the dark room behind him. There was no way the TV was on.

'Ok, if you're sure.' He said anyway. Their leader was a very private person and the Titans tried to respect that. But Cyborg had to admit, the teen seemed more on edge than usual.

'Sorry to wake you.' Said Robin quietly before he gently closed the door on his teammate.

Alone again in the darkroom, Robin turned on all of the lights. It settled the beating of his heart a little, but it was still thundering with adrenaline. When he had left Gotham behind (along with Bruce, Richard Grayson and any link to that event), he had thought he would finally be able to move on with his life. He'd abandoned his civilian identity, remaining as Robin 24/7. So why were those dark feelings and memories creeping in again?

Growling with frustration, Robin pulled on some workout clothes and applied his mask using the small round mirror in his bathroom – the only reflective surface in his personal living space.

In the gym, he worked his frustration from his body. Pushing himself until he struck out with his leg at a wrong angle and hit the sandbag, twisting his ankle painfully. He hissed and sank to the floor, pulling his shoes and sock off to rub the twisted area. It was a rookie mistake, and it brought back the frustration he had spent the previous two hours trying to relieve. He cringed as he tried to put weight on his injured foot.

'Damn it.' He said out loud. Grabbing his shoe from the floor, he hobbled over to the showers, turning the heat up as high as it would go. He stripped himself out of his sweaty clothes and breathed through the pain as he entered the stream of water. He let the burning sensation wash away the memory of the sleep paralysis and the feeling of Bane's hand touching his inner thigh. By the time he finished, his skin was red and tingling. He dressed in some of the loose slacks and hoodies he kept in the gym and limped towards the living area in bare feet. It was still dark outside and for the first time, it occurred to the Boy Wonder to check the time. He looked down at his phone – it was 4 am.

He stretched his arms above his head and his shoulders and back popped and let out a series of clicks. Releasing the building tension in what Wally used to call his _dancer's joints_. Despite Robin's insistence that he had never danced in his life, the term was soon adopted by the whole of his old team.

Thinking about his old teammates, Robin stared down at his phone and wondered whether he should contact them. He knew they had been confused when he had suddenly left, especially when he hadn't given them much of an explanation. But what could he tell them? They all knew what had happened – maybe that was why he couldn't be around them right now.

He hobbled to the kitchen and made himself a coffee and got an ice pack from the fridge, before settling himself on the couch with his foot elevated. He sat like that for a long while, watching the sun slowly creep into the sky.

'You're up early.'

Robin looked over his shoulder to see Raven coming up beside him. 'Couldn't sleep?'

He shrugged, 'Didn't see much point it just lying there.'

'Something on your mind?' She tilted her head to the side, a knowing expression on her face. She was an empath, she could feel the waves of fear, disgust and hatred rolling off the leader of the Teen Titans.

Robin caught the knowing look and knew there was no way he could lie to her, so he just sighed and shrugged, turning back to the sunrise.

'Do you want to talk about it?'

'Not really.' He said but realised he sounded very blunt, so he turned back to her with a small smile. 'Thanks, Rae, but some things are better left unsaid.'

She frowned, not agreeing with that statement, but nodded anyway. It was clear her friend was hurting, but she knew if she pushed too hard too fast, she could do more damage than good.

'What happened? She said, nodding towards the ice pack on his ankle.

'It's just twisted.' He said, as though that answered her question.

'Do you want me to take a look?' She reached a hand towards his foot, but he ripped the limb back towards himself violently. Raven felt the wave of fear rush off him.

'Sorry.' She said, slowly pulling her hand back. Robin was a pretty high-strung person, they had all figured it came from working with the Batman in Gotham and being the first ever sidekick to a hero. But today, the young male seemed more on edge than usual.

'It's fine.' He said though she wasn't sure if he was referring to his ankle or her actions.

Deciding the best way to get past this moment was to walk away, Raven headed to the kitchen and began making her morning cup of tea. From the corner of her eye she watched the Boy Wonder, she could see him taking deep breaths and if she allowed his emotions to touch her mind, she could feel him trying to suppress a panic attack.

It was at that moment that Raven fully realised. Something had happened to the Boy Wonder in the past, something horrific something he was still struggling to live with. But what?

**A/N I hope the first chapter lives up to expectation. Please note that this story will be addressing the scenes of rape that occured in Violation. If this is a topic that is triggering for you, please do not read any further. Please review - Karin x**


	3. Chapter 2 - Calling Home

'You look tired.'

'It's been a long week.'

'Are you sleeping ok?'

Dick shrugged. He was sat cross-legged on his bed, his body covered in a baggy hoodie and sweats; his mask lay on the bed beside him. He shifted uncomfortably where he sat; he felt vulnerable without it. On the bed in front of him was his laptop, the screen directed at him as he video called Bruce.

'Dick?' The older man looked concerned, it was a look Dick was getting used to seeing.

'I'm handling it.' He said. He knew he couldn't outright lie to him, Bruce knew him too well. But he didn't want to tell his father about his latest episode of sleep paralysis. He didn't want to give him any reason to come to Jump City. He pulled on the sleeves of his hoodie, shrinking further into the material.

'Dick, I agreed to let you leave because you said that it would help. If being away isn't helping I'm going to insist you come home.'

'It is helping.' Said Dick quickly. 'I'm fine.'

Bruce sighed but decided not to bring up the fact that there were dark bruise-like shadows under the younger males eyes. There were certain subjects that he knew caused arguments with his young son. So many of their calls ended with arguments, but he could see there was something bothering the younger, so he didn't want to fight tonight. Instead, he changed the subject.

'How are your studies going?'

Dick groaned and looked away from the screen.

'Dick.' Bruce said, exasperated. He had never had any problem getting Dick to do his school work until this year. These days it was a task getting the teenager to meet deadlines and complete assignments.

'I've been busy.'

'That was the deal.'

'It's tedious!' Dick whined. He was intelligent, he knew that and the work that he needed to complete was ridiculously simple. And what was the point? It wasn't like he was planning on going back to being Dick Grayson.

'Not as tedious as unemployment, which will be your future if you don't get a high school diploma.'

Dick was about to point out that plenty of people were successful in life without a high school diploma, but he decided he didn't have the energy. Since waking up to find he was trapped in his own body, he hadn't been as keen to lie down and sleep. He knew the feelings would pass, they always did, but the week following an episode was always exhausting.

'I'll catch up next week.' He answered instead, not looking at the computer screen.

'Make sure you do.' Bruce's voice was stern but not unkind. He wasn't stupid, he could see Dick was pulling away from everything that reminded him of his sexual assault. And losing interest in things was a common side effect after trauma. But Bruce still held out hope that if he gave Dick time and space, his energetic boy wonder would return. But every now and again, Dick just needed a little push in the right direction. He hadn't been keen on the idea of Dick leaving Gotham and the safety of Wayne Manor, but after Dinah had informed him, she didn't think she could help Dick, he knew he would try anything. But he laid down ground rules with the sixteen-year-old. He had to continue with school online and the straight-A rule still applied. Dick also had to call either Bruce or Alfred twice a week and either Dinah or Leslie once a month. The biggest rule that Bruce made sure Dick understood, was that if he thought Dick's departure was becoming detrimental to the young boy's health, he would bring him home. After some initial arguments, Dick had agreed. Over the last 5 months, he had stuck to his word; it was only now that his grades were beginning to slip.

'Have you thought about taking the pills Leslie gave you?' Bruce said gently.

Dick groaned again, he regretted mentioning the pills to Bruce.

'I'm not depressed.' He said bluntly, shrinking even further into his hoodie, pulling the strings hanging from the hood so it bunched a little around his neck. 'I told you, I'm fine.'

Bruce nodded, avoiding this argument too.

'Wally asked about you again.'

For the first time emotion flashed across Dick's face, but it wasn't the usual joy that used to come with thoughts of his best friend. It was pain.

'You're going to have to speak to him eventually.'

'I know…I just...' he trailed off, bowing his head.

'I know chum. But what happened wasn't your fault and the team, especially Wally, don't think of you any differently.'

Dick bristled.

'I don't want to talk about this.'

'Ok. What do you want to talk about?' said Bruce patiently.

'How's Alfred?' Alfred was always a safe topic of conversation.

'He's well, he misses you.'

'I miss him too. The Titans are great, but they can be pretty immature.'

Bruce as about to comment that Dick could be immature at times too. But he stopped himself when he realised, he couldn't remember the last time Dick acted immaturely. Sure, he was moody and sometimes it was hard to get him to see reason. But that wasn't immaturity, that was depression – and Bruce didn't care how much Dick denied it, he knew the signs and so did Leslie and Dinah.

'You seem to be working well as a team' Bruce commented.

Dick nodded, if there was one thing, he was good at, it was getting a bunch of teenage heroes to work well together. He had had plenty of practice with Young Justice.

'Kalder mentioned the other day that he always said you would make a great leader.' Bruce instantly saw he'd made a mistake mentioning the other team again. The small interest Dick had had in the conversation vanished and he emotionally shut down.

'Bruce, I'm tired. Can we cut this short tonight?'

'Sure chum, get some sleep.'

Dick reached forward to shut down the laptop.

'I love you, Dickie.'

Dick nodded. 'I know Bruce.' He shut the computer.

He hadn't lied, he was tired. In the rare instances he took his mask off and truly became Dick Grayson again, he noticed that he was soon emotionally and mentally drained. He knew Bruce didn't approve of him being Robin all the time. Which was why when he called home Bruce made sure he always had his mask off. In a way that only Batman could, Bruce seemed to even know the difference between Dick and Robin when they were on the phone or when they texted. But Dick knew Robin was the only thing holding him together. Until he was ready to deal with what happened to him, Robin was keeping the world at bay.

He stored the laptop away and placed the sunglasses back on his face, taking a deep breath. He was fine. He could make it through this. He just needed time.

Pulling off the hoodie and slacks, he quickly dressed in his running gear. Running had become his time to clear his head. If the weather was particularly bad, he would just run on the treadmill in the gym. But for the most part, he would pull on a cap to make himself less noticeable and run on the edges of the city. Tonight, was the first clear night all week, he needed to get out. He pulled on his trainers and headed out of his room.

'Oh, friend Robin. You are going on your run?'

He had hoped not to see anyone on his way out, but he smiled at Starfire all the same.

'Yeh, Star. I won't be long.'

'Why do you run each night, Robin?' asked the ever-curious alien.

'It clears my head.' Said Robin, beginning to walk away from her.

'But why does your head need clearing? Is it full?'

'Kind of.' He said, still walking. 'Full of thoughts.'

'Do you not want thoughts in your head'

Not these thoughts – Robin thought dryly.

'I gotta go Star, I'll see you a bit later.' He felt like he should feel guilty about leaving the red-headed alien standing there when he hurried away. But his adrenaline was already beginning to pump around his body, he needed to run. He pulled his bike from the garage and drove through the secret tunnels from Titans Tower that led to the city. From there he drove the short distance to the edge of the water. He parked his bike, leaving it under a camouflage tarp in an unused alleyway. He walked towards the water, pulling his cap down lower on his face and putting his earbuds in his ears. Once his feet began hitting the floor with an increasing pace, it didn't take long to get himself into a rhythm. His feet against the ground, his breath in his lungs, his heart beating heavily in his chest. With every repeated motion he felt the tension and the anxiety, that always built when he called home, melt away. He didn't stop until he was 4 miles into his run, only then did he slow down and let his thoughts filter back in.

There were times, like the previous night, when he considered doing what Bruce suggested; taking the antidepressants that Leslie had prescribed. Maybe if he changed the chemicals in his brain, he would feel alright again. But then there was the niggling fear that if he took them, he wouldn't feel like himself, he would be different. But wasn't that the point? He also knew that he should call Wally. The redhead had been the best friend he could ever ask for, he had supported him after the event and given him space when he had asked for it. But the fact he was now asking Bruce for updates meant he was getting worried. He knew he should call him, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He hated the look people gave him. It was a look of pity. Poor helpless Dick Grayson. Even when he was Robin the look had been there, once they knew the truth, they hadn't been able to differentiate between Robin and Richard.

That was why he needed to be around the Titans. They only knew Robin, they didn't know about the terrible things that had happened to Dick Grayson. Being with them meant he was away from all of the pitying looks, the questions and concern. Here he could heal. He just needed time.


	4. Chapter 3 - Unexpected Guest

Robin glared at his guest while the freckled face grinned down at him.

'What are you doing here?' he demanded.

'You go all black ops on me for five months and you expect me not to worry?' said Wally, pushing his hands into the pockets of his jeans, giving his best friend a friendly but curious stare.

Robin didn't answer and refused to meet the other male's eye. He was torn between needing his best friend and his need to be left alone.

'Did Bats send you?'

'No!' said Wally, in a manner that sounded slightly annoyed. Robin believed him. 'I came because you're not answering my texts, Bats isn't forth coming with information and you haven't been to visit in nearly half a year.' When Robin still did not answer, Wally leant in a little closer and lowered his voice. 'I just need to know that you are ok.'

'I'm fine.' Said Robin automatically.

'Are you? Or is that Bat language for, I'm repressing my feelings?'

Robin glared at the older boy again. This week was just getting better and better. He was tired, irritable and on edge and now, here was Wally West trying to read him. There had been a time when the ginger had known Dick better than nearly anyone. Those days were over. These days Dick barely knew what he was feeling, so how the hell did Wally think he could work it out?

'Who's this?'

They both glanced in the direction of the door as Cyborg entered the main room. The half-robot eyed the newcomer, he was dressed in civilian clothes but from how close he was able to stand to the Titan's leader, Cyborg guessed he was a friend of Robin's.

'Hi, I'm Kid Flash.' Said Wally, giving the other Titan a wave.

'KF.' Said Robin in a warning tone, he was mad enough that Wally would show up here in civvies, without giving away his ID to the first person he saw.

'What?' said Wally, shrugging. He knew what Robin was worried about. 'If you trust them, I trust them.' But when Robin glanced away, he eyed the boy he considered his brother suspiciously. 'You have told them your ID, right?'

Cyborg looked between the two, looking slightly awkward. It was clear that this new kid knew who Robin was behind the mask. When the team had first been formed, all of the Titans had assumed Robins' ID was a well-kept secret within the community. Apparently, this wasn't completely true, judging by Kid Flash's reaction.

Kid Flash looked at the Boy Wonder and crossed his arms over his chest, looking concerned at his young friend.

'Dude? What the hell? Talk about taking a step backwards.'

Cyborg could practically see his leaders' defensive walls rising. It had happened a lot in the early days when the team – mainly Beast Boy – had asked too many personal questions. Robin's walls went up and he completely shut off from them, sometimes going as far as to leave the room. He would come back several hours later and no one would mention it again. These days, they had all learnt not to ask the Boy Wonder questions about himself, his past or his work with Batman.

'Shut up, Wally.' Robin snapped.

'Shall I leave you guys alone?' said Cy, he was beginning to feel like a third wheel.

'No, Kid Flash was just leaving.'

The look of brotherly concern lessened slightly. 'Come on Dude, don't be like that.' The red-head said.

Robin was about to push the issue further when an alarm began to sound throughout the tower, indicating there was trouble somewhere in the city. Within minutes the other Titans descended into the main room, they looked a little confused at the newcomer but still waited for their instruction. Robin looked seriously at his friend.

'Stay here.' He then turned to his new team. 'Titans, Go!'

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

The trouble in the city was being caused by Control Freak. The overweight villain who wanted to control the world with the use of his TV remote. He had animated a huge creature with multiple legs and it was causing havoc on the Jump City bridge. Control Freak was one of those villains who was more of an inconvenience than a real threat. Although he had caused thousands of dollars' worth of damage to the city, he had never come close to actually killing anyone. Even so, he needed taking down, and Robin hoped it wouldn't take the team too long.

But Robin couldn't keep his mind on the fight in front of him. Wally's appearance at the tower had deepened the cracks in his persona. The feelings he tried to escape by becoming Robin, were slowly creeping around the mask. He felt guilty for neglecting his best friend, he felt angry that Wally had shown up and brought with him all the pain he had been trying to distance himself from, and he felt…distracted.

One of Control Freak's digital monsters' legs swung out and by the time Robin noticed, it was too late. It forced him against a pillar of the bridge and crushed him against its solid surface. Robin gasped for air as his chest was crushed.

'You don't seem on top form today, Boy Wonder.' Control Freak laughed, 'Maybe you should have stayed at home – watched some TV.'

Robin tried to force the limb away, so he could reach his belt, but the strength of the creature was giving no room for him to wiggle free. With each exhale, the limp pushed him tighter against the wall – it was constricting him – preventing him from inhaling properly. Robin knew the tactic well from all the times he and Wally had watched animal planet. One thing David Attenborough never mentioned was how the rat could escape from the snake's grip…that would have been useful information.

Just as darkness began to creep into his vision and his fight had started to diminish; a star bolt came from the side and connected with the creature's leg. It didn't do any damage, but it caused the monster to loosen its grip enough for Robin to slip free. He landed on the ground and rolled out of the way, taking deep intakes of breath and looking up at Starfire. He nodded at her in thanks and she went back to the fight. Once he had caught his breath, Robin rose from his knees and ran forward to re-join his teammates. Unfortunately, Control Freak had taken note of the Titan's distraction and had decided to use it to his advantage.

'Not so fast.' He used his monster to once again lash out at the Boy Wonder, but this time the limb did not crush him against a pillar. The leg sent Robin heavily against the railing of the bridge, the momentum sending him right over the top and down into the water below.

The water was cold, instantly freezing his body, sending it into shock. But the silence was also instant. It entombed him, pulling him down further. The lower he sank the colder and quieter it became. After a few moments, the initial shock of the cold passed and he felt a still calmness wash over him. He wasn't sure if it was a conscious choice or not, but he didn't fight gravity as it pulled him down; allowing himself to sink further into the darkness of the water.

All he could hear was the beating of his heart in his ears which after a while began to slow. Even the pain in his lungs soon faded until he felt completely numb. For the first time in a year, he felt completely at peace. He closed his eyes and allowed the water to swallow him.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

When Robin had gone over the edge of the bridge, the Titan's had assumed he would save himself – he was Robin after all. As predicted, it didn't take them long to take down Control Freak but once he was under custody, they all noticed that their leader had yet to resurface.

'Robin?' Starfire called down to the water. Maybe he had swum over somewhere?

'Is he still under the water?' asked Beast Boy.

A flash of yellow ran past them, stopping momentarily to gauge where the ripples in the water were still lightly resonating. The Titans watched as Kid Flash dove off the bridge and into the water.

They waited, watching the water settled around where Wally had entered.

Beast Boy ran to the T car and brought back a first aid kit and blankets; still, there was no sign of them.

'This isn't good.' Said Raven. 'That water is freezing, even with a thermal suit, Robin has been in there too long.'

'Was he unconscious when he went over?' Cyborg asked.

'I don't know. He hit the barrier, but I didn't think he'd hit it that hard.' Raven kept her lilac eyes on the water. Robin had been her first friend; the thought of suddenly having him ripped away from her was causing feelings she had never before experienced. She tried to push them down, but without knowing what was going on below the water it was hard.

Suddenly, a wet mop of red hair broke the surface of the water followed by the bright yellow of KF's suit. He waved up at them and Raven used her magic to bring them both back onto the bridge. Once on dry land, KF lay Robin on the ground. The boy's skin was tinged with blue and his lips purple.

'Come on, Rob.' Kid Flash began CPR, pushing his hands against Robin's chest. After a few moments, he unclipped the youngers cape and opened the armoured jacket of his suit before beginning compressions again. When Robin did not respond, the red-head brought his mouth down to his friends; pinching the other's nose and breathing air into him, then beginning compressions again.

'Don't you dare die on me Boy Wonder.'

The speedster began doing the compressions a little harder; he didn't want to break his friends' ribs, but he was not going to let the kid die. Not here. Not now. Not like this.

Suddenly, with a splutter and a choke, water exited Robin's lungs. Wally pulled the younger on to his side, so he could expel the water. Robin continued to choke, and as if his body had finally caught up with what was happening, he began to shiver violently.

Wally took the blanket from the morphling and wrapped it around the Boy Wonder.

'Breathe, just breathe.'

Robin took in a gasped breath as Wally rubbed his back in circular motions.

'Can you bring the car over?' The red-head asked, 'I don't want to risk running with him when he's not breathing properly.'

Cyborg nodded and called the car to them. When it was close enough, Wally wrapped his arms around the unconscious boy and lifted him, still wrapped in the blanket, and carried him to the car. He got into the back seat with him and lay the boy over his lap, so he could hold him close, hoping the heat of his metahuman body would help warm him up. Wally cradled the younger to his chest, glad to see his lips were not quite as purple as they had been.

Cyborg and Raven got into the front of the car, leaving the other two to fly back to the tower. The two older teens looked into the back of the car with concerned expressions.

Wally felt for them. They were still new to this game, they hadn't seen the same horrors as Young Justice. This was probably the first time one of them had been properly injured. He knew it wouldn't be the last.

As they drove back towards the Tower, Robin began to become more lucid. Not enough to work out where he was but enough to realise, he was being touched; being held. With what little strength he had in his body, he began to thrash in Wally's arms, trying to get away.

Kid Flash held his friend tighter, not wanting the boy to injure himself.

'I know, I know Rob. I know you don't like to be touched but you need to warm up. Robin, I need you to calm down, you're wasting energy.' The Speedsters plea fell on deaf ears, as Robin pushed weakly against his chest, small whimpers escaping his lips. 'Please Rob, Calm down. It's just me, it's Wally. Please.'

Raven turned around to see the redhead trying desperately to keep his friend still. She focused on singling out Robin's mind, it wasn't hard, his emotions were practically screaming at her. Once she had his consciousness in her mind's eye, her eyes went black and she shushed him with her own consciousness. The boy's panicked movements slowed and then they stopped completely as he fell limp in Wally's arms.

'Thank you.' Wally said to the girl, her eyes returned to normal.

She turned back to the road, trying to shake off Robin's emotions.

'He's terrified.' She said quietly.

'Of Kid Flash?' asked Cyborg.

'No, I don't think he was awake enough to realise it was Kid Flash.' She glanced into the rear-view mirror to meet the speedster's eye. He looked away.

'You know, don't you?' she said. 'You know why he doesn't like to be touched?' The memory of Robin ripping his ankle away from her touch had been playing on her mind all week. She had begun to notice other strange things about the leader of the Teen Titans. He was jumpy, quiet and she doubted she was the only one who heard him scream at night. Then there was the dark cloud of emotion that hung around him. In recent days, it had been growing darker.

Wally looked awkward for a moment, proving her theory that he knew more than he was telling. He shook his head. 'It's not my place to say.'

They made the rest of the journey in silence.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

When they arrived back at the tower, Wally immediately ran ahead, taking his friend to the tower's med bay. He stripped him of his clothes, thankful that the younger was still unconscious. He dressed him in dry, loose clothes and wrapped him in a thermal blanket before placing an oxygen mask over his mouth.

When he was done, he sat at his friend's bedside, watching him sleep. He was somewhat relieved. He had had the chance to assess the boy while he slept. Dick had always been very thin, but he was no thinner than he usually was. He was eating – maybe not enough – but it was something. There were no new uniformed scars. Wally had wondered whether Dick had picked up his old habit; he was glad to see he had not. No, physically the Boy Wonder was fine, all things considered. But there was one thing that bothered Wally, that he couldn't quite put his finger on.

'Will he be alright?'

Wally turned to see that the alien girl had her head around the door. She looked beyond concerned. Wally was once again reminded that these guys were brand new. This wasn't the first time he had sat beside Robin in a hospital bed. Hell, this wasn't even the first time he had sat here after Robin had almost drowned. But for the Titans, this was a scary wakeup call that people die doing what they do. Every mission could be their last.

'Don't worry, he's pulled through worse. He just needs to sleep.'

She nodded.

'Thank you, for saving him. We all froze.' She looked like she might cry. 'Robin is always so strong. We thought he would save himself.'

'It's alright,' Wally consoled her. 'Most of the time he does. But sometimes he just needs a little help. That's what it means to be part of a team.'

She smiled weakly and left them.

Wally leant back in his chair, thinking about what the girl had said. Robin did usually save himself. When Wally had seen the live footage of the fight from the Titan's TV and had seen Robin go over the barrier and into the water, he had assumed the boy was unconscious. Getting up, Wally checked around Robin's hairline for any bumps or bruising. Other than the bruise on his side (and on his chest from Wally's CPR), there were no other injuries from when he had hit the barrier. Robin hadn't been knocked unconscious when he had gone over. Even if he had been too stunned by the blow to catch himself, he should have been able to react once he hit the water. Which begged the question.

Why didn't Robin swim?

**A/N: If you haven't already guessed, this story is going to be pretty dark. Please review and let me know what you think, so I know I am taking it in the right direction. Thanks for reading - Karin x**


	5. Chapter 4 - The Ultimatum

When Robin awoke, initially he was confused. Where the hell was he? But slowly, his eyes scanned around the room and he pieced together than he was in the tower's med bay. But why was he here?

He sat up gingerly as he remembered the fight on the bridge, the fall into the water. He groaned as he remembered the calm feeling as he had let the water drag him down. What the hell had he been thinking?

He glanced around the room and a weird feeling pooled in the pit of his stomach. This was the first time he had awoken in a med room and been alone. He knew he shouldn't, but a small part of him pined for Bruce.

He pulled the oxygen mask away from his face and took a few experimental breaths. Other than the burning pain that radiated through his chest as it rose, there was nothing hindering his breathing. He looked down beneath his shirt and saw bruises beginning to form down his sternum; bruises that vaguely resembled fingerprints. He swallowed back the bile that rose in his throat, his mind flicking back to the large hand-shaped bruises that had been all over his body. He shook himself – he would not think about that. He would not break down.

Robin pushed himself out of the bed and onto his shaky legs. They threaten to buckle under him, but after a few moments of adjustment, they held steady. His bare feet slapped quietly against the tiled floor as he walked towards the door. It was only then that he cottoned onto the fact that he had been changed out of his suit into loose fitting clothes. The bile threatened to rise again, but he successfully pulled himself back. It was fine, it was probably Wally who had changed him. He trusted Wally. Wally wouldn't do anything to him. He repeated this to himself like a mantra until he reached the door. He paused, not opening it. He could hear Wally's voice on the other side.

'It was touch and go for a moment, but he's ok. I'll keep him monitored for secondary drowning, but Yeh physically he's stable.'

There was a pause and Robin realised Wally was on the phone.

'I don't know. I haven't been around him long enough to assess that…The team says he's been a little jumpy lately…' Another pause. 'B, I respect you, you know that. But I do not feel comfortable doing that. If I'm concerned, I'll let you know, but I am not spying on him.'

It wasn't hard to figure out who Wally was talking too, or what his father was asking Wally to do. Robin felt a small hum of satisfaction that Wally had refused to report back to the Bat. When he was sure Wally had hung up the phone, Robin opened the door and leant against the frame.

'You called Batman?'

'No, he called me. He saw your swan dive on the news. When he couldn't get through to you, he tried me.'

'How did he know you were here?' asked Robin.

'Who do you think saved your ass from drowning?'

Robin nodded; that made sense. He should have known Wally wouldn't stay at the tower.

'Thanks,' he said. 'And thanks for refusing to report back.'

Unexpectedly, Wally frowned.

'I wanted to talk to you first before I got B all worked up.'

Robin tilted his head to the side, showing that he didn't understand what the red-head meant.

Wally walked back into the room and Robin followed, shutting the door behind them. The speedster looked awkward, he didn't know how to phrase what he needed to ask. Robin could sense the tension coming off his friend and tried to lighten the situation.

'Spit it out Wall-Man.'

'Why didn't you swim?'

The question was not what Robin had expected him to ask. Which was stupid as it was a question, he had been asking himself internally since he had woken up.

'I don't know. The water was cold, my body must have gone into shock.'

'That is Bull and you know it.' Said Wally, his voice had a hint of venom to it. He was angry. 'Aquaman taught you to swim when you were nine so don't give me that.

Robin stared at his best friend. This wasn't the conversation he had been expecting. His mouth opened, but when no words came out, he closed it again.

'I don't know what you want me to say.' He said eventually.

'Tell me you want to live.'

'What kind of a question is that?' Robin spluttered after a hesitation that was too long for Wally's liking. Wally came a little closer to him and Robin had to fight the urge to take a step back.

'I had to pull your lifeless body from that river and give you CPR.' That explained the bruises on his chest. 'Just tell me you weren't….Tell me you didn't want….'

Robin realised what the other boy was asking.

'Wally I am not suicidal!' He snapped. Wally did not look convinced. 'God, why does everyone think I am depressed!'

'I don't know,' said Wally in a sarcastic tone. 'Maybe because you've pushed everyone out of your life?'

'No, I haven't' said Robin defensively.

'Haven't you? Then why did you leave the team? Why did you leave Gotham and your family?'

'I needed to get away.' Said Robin, the fight already fading from his voice. But Wally was just getting started.

'From the people who care about you?'

'I…people look at me differently. Once they know.' Robin looked away, why did everything always have to come back to that time.

'And what happens when these guys find out?' said Wally, a little more calmly. 'Are you going to run again? Are you just going to keep running?'

Robin shrugged, pulling on the threads at the bottom of his shirt.

'I don't know.'

Wally's expression softened.

'It's been a year, Dick.' He made sure the boy knew he wasn't talking to the mask. He was addressing the broken soul beneath it.

'It's not something you just get over Wally.'

'I know. But you're not facing what happened. You're hiding from it.'

Dick bristled, finally taking the step back he had been wanting to take from the start of their conversation.

'I don't want to talk about this.'

'That's your problem.' Said Wally. 'What happened was awful Dick, but it happened, and you need to deal with that fact, not run away from it!'

Dick took a deep breath and Wally thought he had finally got through to the younger, but then he opened his mouth.

'Please, just leave.'

Wally decided it was probably best. He would hang with the Titans for a few hours until he cleared Dick of secondary drowning. Then he would head back to the mountain. He nodded, to show his friend that he would do as he asked.

'I'm going to have to tell Bruce about what happened at the river.'

Dick's head shot up.

'But you just said…'

'I said I would let him know if I was concerned.' Said Wally sternly. 'You need help, Richard.'

'What I need is space and time.'

Wally rounded on his friend, anger flaring up inside him.

'Damn it, Dick, don't forget it was me who found you when you were carving up your wrists four years ago.' Wally shouted. 'I've seen what happens if I ignore my gut instincts when it comes to your mental health. I will not risk you having another breakdown.'

'Wally, please!' Dick said desperately, if Wally told Bruce about the river, Bruce would be dragging him back to Gotham.

The red-head seemed to sense the desperation in his friend. He calmed slightly.

'I'll give you until tomorrow to tell him yourself. Otherwise, I will be telling him what I think.' He turned to walk away. 'I'm doing this for your own good Dick.'

When the speedster had left the room, Robin raised his hands to his head. Gripping his hair tightly with both hands as his knees bent until he was crouched down as low as he could. It was all falling apart. If Wally talked, Bruce would think the same thing – that he hadn't saved himself because he didn't want to live. Bruce would drag him back to Gotham, he would be put back on medication and benched from being Robin. Dick took a shaky breath. He couldn't take Robin away, because without Robin the only thing that was left was Dick Grayson and he wasn't ready to face what came with that.

OOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Cyborg didn't worry about scaring the redhead as he approached him on the roof. He was good at many things but creeping up on people with his mechanical body was not one of them.

'You've been friends with Robin a while?' he said, leaning against the wall that surrounded the rooftop, copying how the red-head was stood.

Wally nodded. 'We've been friends for six years. Since I was twelve.'

'How old was Robin?'

'Ten. He'd been Robin for nearly two years at that point. I was so excited to meet him.'

'We were the same.' Said Cy, looking out over the city. 'When he appeared, we all knew who he was. We'd all been lost, he brought us together.'

He stood for a while, wondering if he should continue.

'He may have been the only one of us who was human, but he seemed so strong and indestructible.' Cyborg said, 'He's a great leader.'

'I sense a but coming?' asked Wally, glancing to his side at the robot.

'But the longer we live with him, the more we see him; the real him.' He sighed. 'He's been through a lot, hasn't he?'

Wally nodded.

'He puts on a good front, but he's breaking, isn't he?'

Again, Wally nodded. 'I don't know how to help him.' The red-head confessed at a whisper. His face screwed up slightly as he tried to not let tears fall. 'He's my best friend and I don't know how to help him.'

'When did it happen?' asked Cy. Wally looked at him in shock.

'It doesn't take a genius to work it out…when you know what to look for.' Cyborg sighed sadly. 'When I was 14 the daughter of a family friend was attacked. She never talked about what had happened to her, but she changed, and she started acting weirdly. Just like Robin.'

Wally nodded, thinking about how he should answer. 'Do the others know?'

'No, Beast Boys still a kid, Star's not from this planet and Raven is innocent in her own way. She knows there is something wrong with Rob, but I don't think she's pieced it together.'

Wally sighed in relief. He was glad that one of the Titans knew the truth, but he was also glad that it wasn't all of them. He didn't think Dick would be able to handle that.

'I've given him an ultimatum.' Said Wally, turning so it was his back against the wall. 'He has until tomorrow evening to get in touch with Batman and let him know how much he is struggling…or I'll tell him.'

'Is he struggling that much?' asked Cyborg. He knew Robin was having a hard time, but he hadn't realised it was bad enough to bring in the Batman. It was scary how well Robin was able to hide it. Suddenly something made sense in Cyborg's mind. 'The river, it wasn't an accident that he didn't save himself, was it?'

'I don't know. I don't think Rob does either.' Said Wally honestly. But that doubt could be dangerous, and Wally wasn't going to take the risk.

'What do you want me to do?'

Wally shrugged. 'Try and make him see reason? Maybe if he's aware that you know, he'll be more willing to go back with Bats.'

'You think he'd run?' said Cyborg, shocked.

'I honestly don't know. But if he does, don't try to stop him. You'll only get yourself hurt and make him more skittish.'

Cyborg looked sadly at the young hero. He looked so torn and worried.

'You know Robin pretty well huh?' he said.

Wally shrugged again, crossing his arms over his chest.

'Understanding Robin is easy. He's a hero and a leader through and through. It's the boy beneath the mask that is more complicated. There is usually a pretty definite divide between the two.' Wally rubbed his hand down the side of his face. 'Has anything happened recently that would trigger him?'

Cyborg shrugged but then groaned when he thought back.

'Beast Boy was watching Game of Thrones. I made him turn it off because he was too young to watch it and I didn't want Star seeing it either.' Said Cyborg, showing his big brother side. 'BB tried to act all macho and I called him a virgin. It was a term Starfire had never heard before.' He shook his head as suddenly Robin's behaviour started to make sense. 'It turned into a full-blown conversation. When Robin came into the room Star straight up asked him if he was a virgin. He just went quiet, put down his coffee and left the room.' Cy gripped his hands into fists. 'I figured he wasn't, but that it had been an awkward teenage experience that he was embarrassed about. None of us have ever really known for definite how old he actually is.'

'He's 16.' Said Wally, taking in the information Cyborg was giving him. Would that encounter have been enough?

'Anyway, that night I thought I heard him whimpering, so I went to see if he was alright. Before I could get to his door, I heard him scream and there was a thud. When he answered the door, he looked sick and he lied saying he was watching tv, even though the room was dark.'

And then it made sense. Dick had had a sleep paralysis episode. That was why he had been triggered. Being away from home was just making it worse.

'Thanks, man. You've been a big help.'

'Will you tell Batman?'

'Yes, but I promised Rob I would give him the opportunity to ask for help. I won't go back on my word to him.'

The stood in silence a little while longer, watching as the sun began to set and more rain clouds rolled in.

**A/N It's recently been brought to my attention that in Violation, a lot of you assumed Dick was 13 when he was assaulted. This wasn't my intention. In my head, Dick would have been around 15. I may go back and amend some of the details in Violation to make this more clear, but for right now I hope you enjoy this chapter. This is such a dark topic and I really hope I am portraying it alright. Again, if you are triggered by any of my work please, stop reading now. I won't be offended if you do! Thanks for reading - Karin x**


	6. Chapter 5 - Breaking Point

**A/N This chapter contains themes of suicide and self-harm. Please read at your own discretion.**

Robin took a deep breath; the important thing was to act normal.

It had been several hours since Wally had come to say good bye, he told the younger that he was pretty sure he was clear from the effects of secondary drowning, but if he experienced any shortness of breath or light headedness, he needed to seek help immediately.

Robin had nodded, knowing it was best to just agree, even though he was perfectly aware of what the symptoms looked like and how to treat them.

When the red-had was gone, Robin had changed into his running clothes and set about doing his usual routine. He knew Wally would follow through on his threat. Maybe if he acted normal, pretended everything was fine, Bruce would think Wally was being paranoid. Deep down he knew Bruce was more paranoid than Wally could ever be, but he didn't know what else to do. This plan seemed logical.

When he walked into the main room, all of the Titans were watching a movie. When they sensed his presence, Star's face lit up.

'Robin! You are awake!' she cried. She went to hug him, but Cyborg stopped her.

'Don't smother him Star, we've got to give him room to breathe for a while.'

Robin knew this wasn't true, but Starfire seemed to accept this and simply smiled at him.

'How are you feeling?'

'Better, thanks Star. Nothing a day's sleep couldn't cure.' He tried to give his best reassuring smile. He used to be so good at those, but these days they never seemed convincing.

'Going to the gym?' asked Raven.

'Yeh, in a bit. It's my day to do dishes, so I'll do that first.' As he turned to head to the kitchen, he heard Beast Boy groan. They had a rota for dishes and today was meant to be Robin and Beast Boys turn.

'Aw man, but it's coming to the best part!' whined the green child.

'Don't worry BB. I've already seen it, I'll go help, Rob.' Said Cyborg, standing from the couch.

Beast Boy looked a little shocked at this development, but he wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth, so he didn't comment. Neither did Robin as both teens entered the kitchen. He figured the eldest Titan wanted to talk to him in private.

They made small talk as they began cleaning the growing pile of dishes. Cyborg washed them and then handed them over to Robin to dry. When they were halfway through, Robin sighed. He was on edge, he couldn't take the suspense any longer.

'Come on Cy, spill.' Said Robin, carefully, placing one of the glasses back in the cupboard.

The half-robot raised his only eyebrow.

'You never let Beast Boy get out of doing the dishes.' Robin said. 'Which means you wanted to be alone. What do you need?'

Cyborg looked down into the bubbly water, contemplating the best way to discuss the topic.

'I think I know why you're so on edge.' He said carefully.

'What makes you think I'm on edge?'

Cyborg looked over at him with a "really?" expression.

'Ok, point taken.' Said Robin, he clearly hadn't been hiding it as well as he'd hoped.

'When did it happen?'

Robin frowned, it was suddenly registering that Cyborg might actually know the truth.

'Wally.' Robin said under his breath.

'He didn't say anything. I worked it out.' He waited for a beat. 'When did it happen?'

Robin had noticeably tensed but after a few moments, he answered. 'A year ago.'

'Jeez.' Cy raised his hands from the water, all pretence of doing the dishes forgotten. 'That isn't that long-ago Rob.'

'You're telling me.'

'Have you ever spoken to anyone about it?' He knew he was treading dangerous ground, so he tried to choose his questions carefully.

'There isn't much to talk about.' Said Robin flatly. 'What happened, happened. The guy was caught. End of story.'

'It was a guy?'

Robin paled, and Cyborg knew he had overstepped.

'I'm sorry, that was insensitive.'

'I really don't want to talk about this Cy.' Said Robin, turning back to his drying.

'You're going to have to at some point Robin. It's eating you from the inside.'

The comment made Robin's skin crawl with the phantom itching under his skin. He had spent so long trying to get rid of that feeling.

'Are you going to talk to Batman?'

Robin turned back to his friend. 'So, Wally did say something.'

'He might have mentioned it.' Cyborg raised his hands a little, he could see Robin's walls going up. 'Look, Rob, you're not well. After what you've been through, no one can blame you. But the cracks are starting to show mate. I think Wally's right. You need to go home.'

'I can't go home.' Robin whispered.

'Why not?'

_Because I blame him for what happened_, Dick thought. But he slapped it down the moment it entered his head. 'I just can't be there.'

'Then at least take a break from the vigilante lifestyle. We all knew horrible things could happen when you join the hero life, but I can't believe you went back to the mask so soon after it happened.'

It clicked in Robin's head. Cyborg thought he'd been attacked as Robin. He thought it had happened because he'd gone out wearing the mask. As if somehow that explained what happened!

'You have no idea what you're talking about.' Robin whispered. He threw the towel on the counter and walked out of the room. When he walked passed the team, Raven caught a wave of his emotions.

'Rob where are you going?' called Cyborg.

'For a run.' The hero answered angrily. 'Do not follow me.'

'Dude, it's pouring.' But their leader didn't listen, he slammed the door leaving the team staring after him. Raven looked over at the robot.

'What the hell did you do?'

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Dick could barely feel the rain as he ran through the darkness. He'd pulled his cap down low on his face to stop the water hitting his eyes but even this and the long sleeves of his shirt did little to protect him from the water; if anything, it soaked him through even more.

But he didn't stop running, his mind was in chaos. Cyborg knew the truth. It was only a matter of time before the others did too. Then they would all be looking at him with those judging and pitying eyes.

'_It was a guy?'_

Cyborgs' voice rang through his head. The look that had flashed over the older boy's face upon this realisation. It had rubbed salt in the wound. He had felt disgusting and tainted standing there under Cyborg's gaze. They didn't understand. No one understood. He couldn't take away the mask. Robin was all he had. Everything else was broken! He slowed his pace, coming to a stop in the pouring rain.

Everything was broken. There was no way he would be able to convince Bruce he was alright now that Cyborg knew, and he had stormed out. What the hell was he meant to say when he went back to the tower. How was he meant to explain his behaviour?

Like the rainwater running down his body, the realisation washed over him. He couldn't go back. It would be Young Justice all over again. His teammates would go from respecting him to mollycoddling him; treating him like a china doll.

Maybe he had made a mistake deciding to join a new team. He needed space and time. Maybe he needed to do that alone. Go to a new city, set up on his own. Completely leave the past behind him.

His feet seemed to know where he was going and before he had truly processed the thoughts, he was descending the steps into the subway.

There was nobody on the platform, he had no idea how long he had been running but he suddenly realised it must be late. A logical part of his brain told him that he would be easier to track on CCTV if he was the only one on the footage. But another part of his mind was glad there was no one here, the last thing he wanted was someone asking him if he was alright.

He stood on the edge of the platform, deep in thought. He would catch the next train, it didn't matter where it was going, he would figure that out tomorrow. He just needed to get away before Batman could get to Jump.

He could hear the train down in the tunnel. He just had to get on it and he would be gone. By the time Bruce realised he was missing he would be far away.

'_Are you just going to keep running?'_

Wally's voice was suddenly in his head. Was he going to keep running? Was this going to be his life from now on? Running away as soon as memories of Bane caught back up to him? But what else could he do? He couldn't go back to the Tower; the illusion of the fearless Boy Wonder was broken. He couldn't go back to the Mountain; the team had already decided he was helpless. He couldn't go home; he couldn't look Bruce in the eye knowing that deep down he blamed him for what happened.

He had nowhere to go.

He'd never found out Bane's motivations for attacking him. But whatever they were, he seemed to have won. Dick's lip trembled as he thought back to Wally's question. Did he want to live? He thought about his life and his future. He couldn't see a way past this moment other than having drugs forced into him that made him feel sick and sleepy. Having part of him ripped away, leaving only the broken parts behind. He knew Bruce would do it. After his breakdown 4 years ago, that was exactly what he had done. That was what awaited him if he went back now. Benched from Robin and dosed with anti-depressants and sedatives.

No, he realised, he didn't want to live like that.

The train was coming towards him now. Once again, his feet seemed to move on their own. He took a step forward until he was passed the "safe distance" yellow line and his feet were on the edge.

It would be just like jumping off a building, like a leap of faith.

The trained thundered closer and he lifted his foot over the edge, hovering over the tracks.

A leap of faith.

The force with which he was pulled away from the track was shocking and his head snapped forward. Dick found himself pinned against the floor with one arm behind his back and a heavy weight on top of him. Panic flowed through him. No, not again! He thrashed, trying to buck the weight off him. He would not let this happen again!

'Calm down.' A deep male voice said above him. 'You're going to hurt yourself.'

The voice was familiar, but Dick didn't stop.

'_The more you struggle the more it will hurt. Relax.'_

The memory of Bane's words made tears fall from his eyes and he screamed into the tiles.

'Robin calm down.'

'Get off me!' he shouted.

'I'll release you when you are not a danger to yourself.' said the voice, holding tighter as the boy's fight renewed. 'Richard calm down.'

Dick froze. Whoever it was above him, holding him down; he knew he was Robin and he knew who he was under the mask. He twisted his head trying to see who was holding him, but no matter how hard he tried, he could not catch a glimpse.

Breathing started to become harder. He couldn't get enough oxygen into his lungs.

'Calm down.' The voice said again, this time a little more gently. 'Breathe.'

But the words would not turn into action. Dick found the edge of his vision beginning to fade. He was passing out. He was in the hands of a stranger, with no protection, no weapons and he was passing out!

'It's alright boy, you're safe.'

For some reason, as he accepted the embrace of the darkness, he believed what the voice had said.


	7. Chapter 6 - The Deal

His head was throbbing when he finally came too. He was cold, damp and tired but he was also led down on something soft and there was something covering his shoulders. Dick reached his fingers up and touched the fabric that was covering him, after a few seconds of staring he realised it was a heavy jacket. Curiously, he took in the rest of his surroundings. He was led in the back of a car, it was still night and the car wasn't moving.

'It's about time.' A voice said from the front seat.

Dick sat up and then groaned when his head throbbed harder and nausea threatened to wash over him. He glared through the darkness at the man in the front seat. As his vision adjusted, he could see the man was behind the wheel, but he was sat at an angle, so he could look back into the back seat.

Dick pushed himself into the door when he recognised the man before him.

'Death stroke.' He breathed, a hand clawing at the door for the handle.

'The doors locked so don't bother.' Said Death stroke calmly, his eyes looking bored behind his orange mask.

'Why am I here?' asked Dick.

'Because I don't know what to do with you.' The man confessed.

'If you're going to kill me, why didn't you when I was asleep?' said Dick, glaring.

'Richard, if I had wanted you dead, I wouldn't have stopped you jumping in front of a train.'

Suddenly the memory came flooding back. He had done that. He had tried to walk in front of a train.

'Why did you stop me?'

'That's a good question.' Said the mercenary. 'Why did you want to end your life?'

Dick's glare deepened, and Slade chuckled.

'I'll tell you my reasons when you tell me yours.'

'You know my name?' said Dick.

'Of course, I know. I've known yours and Bruce Wayne's identity for many years. It really isn't that hard to work out.' He sighed, 'I'm not here to fight with you. I have no reason to fight with you right now.'

'Then why am I in your car?'

'I didn't want to take you back to the Titans unconscious. I doubt they would have believed I hadn't harmed you. It would ruin my night having to deal with them.'

Dick frowned, very confused.

'Now that you're awake, I'll take you back.'

'No!'

The desperation in the boy's voice halted Slade's hand as he reached for the keys.

'You don't want to go back to the Titans?'

Dick shook his head and Slade sighed.

'I can contact the Bat to collect you, but I'd rather not have a confrontation, so I'll have to drop you half way.'

'No,' Dick whispered. 'Just leave me here, please.'

'I am not leaving you here. You just tried to kill yourself!' said Slade a little harshly.

'Why do you care?'

Slade's eyes narrowed as he glared at the boy. He didn't answer the question.

'Grayson, you are drenched through, you have a fever and are clearly mentally unstable. The Titans or the Batman, which is it?'

'Neither. Why won't you just leave me here?'

'Because I am not having the death of a teenager on my conscience!' Slade shouted. He pulled his temper back, considering his options. When he looked back again, Dick was rubbing at his face like a tired child. Even in the limited lighting of the car, Slade could see the flush that had appeared on the boy's cheeks. If he didn't get the kid out of those wet clothes and into something warm soon, his mental health wasn't going to be the only thing to concern about.

'Ok, third option. I'll take you to one of my safe houses. We can get you dry, and you can sleep. We'll discuss our next move in the morning when you don't look like you might pass out.'

This notion seemed to shock Dick, he hadn't been expecting that to come from the man he considered his enemy.

'Why the hell would I go anywhere with you?' he said harshly. 'You're a mercenary.'

'And apparently, you're a rich kid with issues.' Slade hit back. 'I'll tell you what, until we get this sorted, we'll leave Robin and Death stroke at the door. For now, we will forget the fact that I am a gun for hire and you're the Boy Wonder and just focus on the issue at hand. Deal?'

His next moved shocked Dick, even more, the mercenary unclipped his mask and removed it. Beneath the metal mask, he had shocking white hair and an eye patch. He also looked to be in his mid-50's.

'Do we have a deal?'

Dick suddenly realised how tired he was. Everything was spinning ever so slightly, and he felt so cold.

Slade frowned and reached a hand forward. The backs of his fingers brushed against the kid's forehead before Dick moved away. But the contact was enough.

'You're burning up. Being soaked twice in one day is not good for you. Lie down and go to sleep. We'll sort this out in the morning.'

Dick decided he was too tired to argue. He didn't care anymore, he just wanted to sleep. He lay back down and turned his back on the other man, showing Slade just how little he cared.

Slade shook his head and started the car. He knew where he could take the kid. He had a small safe house in the old warehouse district on the edges of Jump City. It was one of his oldest haunts that he had planned on shutting down. Once Grayson was on his way, he would close it up for good, so it didn't matter if the kid remembered where it was.

As he drove, he had to ask himself why he was doing this. Why didn't he just drop the kid off where the Titans could find him. He would be their problem then. But there was something in the way the boy had acted when he had pulled him away from the tracks. He had been terrified, screaming at him to get off. He had been muttering under his breath, tears rolling down his face "not again, please not again".

And that helpless look in his eye, the look of someone who is lost and cannot see a way through. He had seen that look before, on someone not much older than Robin. He had ignored it back then and despite all the terrible things he had done in his life, that was one of the things Slade regretted most. But not this time. He would not have another teens death on his hands because he ignored that lost look.

When he pulled up at the back of the building, he looked behind and saw Dick was fast asleep, but he was shivering into the jacket Slade had placed on him.

'This is going to end badly.' Slade said to himself as he got out of the car, walked around to the back seat and scooped the boy out. The kid barely weighed anything, so it wasn't hard to carry him and open the doors.

The entire warehouse was his property, but the living quarters were built under the main structure. He carried the boy down the stairs and into the small base.

It wasn't much. There was a small kitchen immediately to the left of the door. A square table in the centre of the kitchen space. A little further in there was a bathroom and further down still, there was a small bedroom with two beds. One of the beds had a curtain rail around it. He had installed the curtain on the occasion that he had stayed here with either of his sons, to give them more privacy. But that had been a while ago.

He lay Dick on the bed with the curtain and began taking off his running shoes. Sensing the movement, Dick began to wake. He immediately pulled himself from Slade's grasp and pushed himself away. Despite this sudden movement, Slade could see the boy's eyes were glazed over with fever.

'Richard, I need to get you out of your wet clothes.'

The boy shook his head sleepily.

'Then you need to do it yourself.' Slade stood up and went over to a cupboard on the other side of the sleeping area. He opened it and found a pair of loose sweats and a jumper that had belonged to one of his sons; it had been so long, he couldn't remember which.

When he turned back, the boy was pulling at the sleeve of his shirt, but he didn't have the energy to follow the movement through.

Slade sighed and knelt down in front of him.

'Let me help you.' He said, reaching forward. But Dick flinched back again. Slowly, things were beginning to piece together in Slade's mind. But he hoped he was wrong. For the moment he was just going to have to be gentle.

'Dick,' he said, hoping the nickname would settle the boy. 'If we don't get you dry and warm you are going to get very sick.' He explained. 'Please, let me help you, I promise I'm not going to hurt you.'

Dick seemed to consider this for a moment, logic fighting against his fear. He nodded, and he allowed Slade to touch him.

Slade slowly pulled at the boys' wet sleeves, tugging them away from the kid's arms and then bringing the rest of the item over his head. He heard a soft whimper coming from the kid as he did so, and he realised the boy was terrified. Trying not to make any sudden movements, Slade spent a few moments drying his torso with a towel and then proceeded to help him into the dry shirt. As he did so, he noticed the scars on the boy's arms. They were old, but there was no doubt in his mind what they were from. He then moved back to removing his shoes and socks and then started on the kids tight running pants. Dick was visibly shaking now, and Slade picked up his pace a bit. He was thankful that Dick's boxers were dry, at least he could spare the boy that. Instead, he quickly helped him into the pair of sweats that were a little big for him, but at least they were warm and dry. When he was done, Slade used the towel to dry the boy's hair slightly. The red flush had grown over his cheeks and Dick swayed where he sat, the fever was running its course.

'Here, drink this.' Slade brought a bottle of water the boys' lips and helped him drink some of the water. He then, guided the boy to lie down and tucked him under the covers, adding some extra blankets.

Slade watched the boy sleep for a while. Without his mask, it was easier to see just how young the boy really was. He would curse Bruce Wayne for bringing a boy so young into this game, but he had done the same thing with Joey and Grant. All he could do right now was put the Terminator to one side for the moment. Tomorrow he could find out why the Boy Wonder was in Jump City and why he was alone in the subway.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOo

For the third time, Dick woke up with no idea where he was. Without moving his body, his eyes scanned the room. It was small and there was another bed on the other side. He was alone. As he sat up, he had to push a heavy weight off himself, he realised once he was upright that the weight was a pile of blankets that had been placed over him.

He felt disgusting. He was covered in sweat making his clothes stick to his body and his hair to stick to his head.

He sat there for a moment, contemplating how he had gotten there and where exactly he was.

'Good morning.'

The voice made him jump a little, and he was about to violently flinch when he saw who had entered the room, but then he remembered the night before. Cyborg knew about his past, Bruce was going to force him to go home, he'd literally run away…he'd stepped in front of a train. Slade had saved him.

'Coffee?' the older male offered the steaming mug of dark liquid. 'We haven't got milk, so black will have to do.'

After only a moment's hesitation, Dick took the mug, thanking him. He blew on the beverage a few times before taking a sip. While he was drinking, Slade slowly approached and brought his hand towards his face. When Dick flinched again, he paused.

'I'm just checking your fever.' He said gently and started moving his hand again until his fingers rested on Dick's forehead. 'It's much better. How do you feel?'

Dick thought about it for a moment before answering honestly.

'Numb.'

'Which brings me to my next question.'

Dick groaned, he was going to ask him what he was doing at the station, why he had tried to end his life. This man was going to try and squeeze the secrets out of him.

'…what do you want for breakfast?'

The question made Dick look up and blink at him like a baby bird. Slade was being very…normal.

'I don't generally eat breakfast.' He muttered once he had regained his speech.

'That's why you're so small.' said Slade -making Dick blush slightly – but he didn't push the matter. Instead, he sat down on the other bed and sipped his own coffee. They sat in silence for a few minutes, then Slade spoke again.

'So, you don't want to go back to the Titans?'

Dick shook his head.

'Why not?'

'No offence.' Said Dick, eyes down at his mug. 'But I don't tell my dad what's going on in my head, do you seriously think I am going to tell you?'

'Yes, because unlike your father, you don't give a damn about my opinion of you.' Said Slade simply. 'I already know who you are, I even know who the Batman is. It's not like I need any more leverage.'

'Then why am I here?'

'I told you, I don't want you to leave my company and then end your life. I don't need that on my conscience.'

Dick glared at the man for a moment. The glare deepened when he realised the man might have a point.

'What if I gave you my word that whatever you tell me will not go beyond these walls.'

Dick's mind started to tick. He knew he shouldn't even be considering this. He should be trying to get as far away from this man as possible. But he was right. Dick really didn't give a damn what Slade thought of him and from what Dick knew about the man, from Batman's research and experience, Slade had done terrible things, but he was a man of his word. Plus, Dick was so tired of carrying this weight on his shoulders.

'Bruce wants to take me back to Gotham.' He said quietly.

'And that is a bad thing?'

'He'll put me on medication. Stop me being Robin.'

'I see.' From the tone of the man's voice, Dick believed that Slade might actually understand. 'So, you ran away?'

'It seemed like a good idea at the time.' Dick shrugged.

'Why does he want to take you home? You seem to be doing alright with your merry men.' Slade smirked, and Dick rolled his eyes.

'I didn't save myself when I was thrown off the bridge yesterday.' He paused, taking a deep breath. 'Everyone thinks I was trying to kill myself.'

'And were you?' Slade said patiently.

'…not actively.' Dick admitted. 'But the water was quiet. My mind hasn't been quiet in a long time.'

Slade leant forward, grasping the mug between both hands and leaning his arms on his knees.

'By the sounds of it, medication might help you.' He said the words suggestively, but there was no command to his tone. 'Anti-depressants can help.'

Dick shook his head, gripping the mug tighter. 'They made me so sick, I spent days lying on the bathroom floor too nauseous to stand. When that passed, I didn't feel anything.'

Slade tried not to react too much to this new information. It was clear Dick had been on anti-depressants before, strong ones by the sounds of it. He tried asking the boy the reason without sounding like he was prying. Dick had been twelve, he'd been gassed with Scarecrows fear gas during a patrol. The anti-toxin had cured him of the majority of the effects, but the new strain of the toxin left traces in his system. These traces, over the next couple of months, made it hard for him to differentiate between what was real and what wasn't.

'Kid Flash found me in my bathroom, I'd taken a Batarang to both of my wrists.' He closed his eyes, a look of shame washed over his features. 'I just wanted to feel something real. To feel I had control over something again.'

'And Wayne put you on anti-depressants because of that one incident?'

The shame on Dick's face deepened. 'It wasn't the first time, it was the first time I was caught. Even after KF found me…It had become a habit, it made me feel better, even for just a moment. When Bruce discovered the new cuts, he dragged me straight to the JL's shrink.'

'And they put you on happy pills.'

'And sedatives.' Dick laughed as he finally saw the irony. 'The shrink said I was a potential flight risk.'

Dinah had been concerned that Dick would have an episode of mania and either try to hurt himself again or run away. At the time, he had been outraged that she would suggest such a thing. He loved Bruce and Alfred, why would he run away? Now he was sat here, having had his second breakdown, in the presence of Death stroke the Terminator because he had not only tried to run away but tried to end it all. He had to admit, Dinah was a very good therapist – either that or she was secretly psychic.

'How long were you on them?'

'6 months. My therapist said I'd been harbouring depressive tendencies since the day my parents were killed. The fear gas escalated them, triggering the breakdown.'

Slade nodded, planning his next question.

'And what about this time? What triggered this one?'

As expected, Dick's walls went up instantly.

'It doesn't matter.' He said shaking his head. Slade was surprisingly easy to talk to, but no matter how easy talking was, he wasn't going to tell him that.

'It clearly does matter. Otherwise, I doubt you would have been in the subway last night.' Slade took a sip of his coffee. He had a debate going on in his mind. The boy before him was broken, that was for sure. He had a pretty good idea what it was that had triggered this breakdown, but it was clear Richard was repressing the incident. He knew this was insane. This was the Batman's kid; the freaking Batman! But putting that and his own relationship with the bat to once side; Dick needed help and he needed it now. It seemed Wayne's methods of dealing with his son were effective but dealt more with the depressive disease itself rather than Dick as a whole person. Even as Slade looked at the boy now, he could tell that there was no way he would be able to convince him to go back to his friends or family. And even if he did, the boy would only run away later.

He shouldn't care. But he did. Richard was just a kid and now that he had been stripped of Robin, he looked even smaller and fragile. No, Slade couldn't let him hurt himself. He would not let that happen to another vulnerable boy.

He cleared his throat. 'Well it's clear to me you don't want to go back to your friends. And you don't want to go back home. So, the only other option is you stay here.'

Dick back tensed and he looked over at the man with sudden fear.

'Not forever.' Slade said gently, understanding the boy's tension. 'Just until we can sort out what's tangled up in your head.'

Dick frowned again, and Slade explained his theory that this could be a neutral space. He told him how he theorised the reason he found it difficult to talk to anyone about his issues was that he didn't want them to judge him poorly. He reminded the boy that this wasn't the case with himself.

'The same rule applies.' Slade continued. 'Nothing we say leaves this haunt and Robin and the Terminator and everything that goes with them are left at the door.'

Dick thought for a moment. 'Why? Why are you helping me?'

'I knew a boy once. He had similar problems to you. I ignored them, and he tied a noose around his neck. I've never forgiven myself.' Said Slade thoughtfully. 'I won't do that again.'

'Who was it?'

'Tell you what. When you're ready to tell me, what happened to you. I'll tell you who he was.' He held out his hand. 'Do we have a deal?'

Dick stared at the hand for a few seconds.

'You won't drug me?' he said, fear tinging his voice – this kid really didn't like being on medication.

'No,' said Slade. 'But if you try to hurt yourself and I feel I cannot keep you contained, I will sedate you. Understand?'

Dick slowly nodded, looking at the offered hand again. He took it.

'Deal.'

**A/N: I've made Slade the villain of my stories many times, I've never really played with the idea of him as a father figure. If you haven't guessed yet, that's kind of where I am going with this. Please review. Karin x**


	8. Chapter 7 - Missing

Cyborg felt like an ass. He hadn't been able to sleep, all night his conversation with Robin had been playing over and over in his mind. He should have been gentler, or maybe he shouldn't have said anything at all. Batman would have come; Batman would have been able to deal with him, without pissing him off.

He arrived outside Robin's door. He hoped the night would have cooled him off and Robin would forgive him. Before he could change his mind, he knocked on the door.

'Hey Rob, you awake?' he said quietly. There was no movement on the other side. 'Rob, I know you're pissed at me. But can we talk? I just want to apologise. I shouldn't have said what I did.'

Still, there was no answer so Cyborg knocked again with a little more force, maybe Robin was in the bathroom or had headphones on.

'Robin?'

'Dude, what's up?'

Cyborg looked to see Beast Boy approaching him.

'Just trying to talk to Robin.' He considered something and then asked his teammate. 'Can you hear what he's doing in there?'

Beast Boy shrugged and turned himself into a dog, approaching the door. He stood and listened for a few moments, his ears twitching. He changed back and shrugged again.

'He's not in there.' He said.

'Is he in the gym?'

'No, I've just come from there. I haven't seen him since he left last night.' Said Beast Boy. Cyborgs concern was contagious. 'He did come home, right?'

'Check the garage.' Said Cyborg. He started walking towards where they kept all of their vehicles. Beast Boy followed closely behind him. He wasn't sure what had gone down the night before. One-minute Robin and Cyborg had been doing the dishes in the kitchen, the next Robin was storming out of the tower. His emotions had been so wild that BB had seen Raven wince.

'What happened before he left?' the green hero asked. 'In the kitchen?'

'I asked too many questions.' Said Cyborg. They entered the garage and went over to where Robin kept his bike. The motorcycle wasn't there.

'Shit.' Said Cyborg, making the other's eyes widen. The eldest of them never swore. 'Beast Boy, do a sweep of the tower, see if he's wandering around.'

Beast Boy nodded and ran off, transforming back into a dog as he went. Once he was gone, Cyborg pulled up the computer on his wrist. He tried calling Robin a few times, but it went straight to voicemail. He then tried calling the number KF had given him.

'Hello?'

'Kid Flash, it's Cyborg.'

'Oh hi, what's up?'

'It's Robin, he's gone.' He explained briefly what had happened the night before and that it didn't look like Robin had come home.

'Crap! I mean I knew he was a potential flight risk, but I didn't think he would actually run.' There was a groan and the half robot could imagine the redhead running a hand through his hair. 'I'll inform Batman and I'll be there within the hour.'

Once KF had hung up, Cy tried to call Robin again, this time he left a message.

'Rob, its Cy. Please call me when you get this. I need to know that you're ok. Please,' he took a shaky breath. 'Please don't do anything you'll regret.' He hung up, sighing to himself. 'Where the hell are you dude?'

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

A knock came on the door of his study, Bruce looked up from his work as Alfred entered.

'You have a guest Master Bruce.' The old man stood aside allowing Wally to enter.

'West, what can I do for you?'

'I'm sorry, I should have said something sooner.' The words spilt from the red-heads mouth. 'It's all my fault.'

'West, slow down. What's wrong?'

'I went to see Dick, he wasn't doing well, and I told him he had to call you, I was going to give him until today before I told you myself.'

At the mention of Dick, Bruce stood from behind his desk.

'Wally?'

'I had a call from the Titans. Dick went for a run last night and he never went back to the tower.'

'He ran away?' Bruce grabbed his phone, calling Dick's cell.

'There's something else.' Said Wally, guilt washed over his face. 'On the bridge, when Robin was thrown into the water…he didn't try to save himself. He didn't swim, didn't fight. He just let himself sink.'

'Why didn't you say anything?' shouted Bruce. He had phoned Wally; the boy had said he would let him know if he was concerned. He had taken the fact he'd heard nothing as a sign that Dick was doing alright.

'I know, I'm sorry. But Dick was so upset, and I wanted to give him a chance to tell you himself. But all I gave him was a chance to run…' a dark thought crossed Wally's mind. Both of the older men saw it. 'Oh god, what if he…?'

'Alfred, call Clark. Tell him to meet me in Jump, but to be discrete.'

'Yes, Sir.' Alfred left the room and Bruce turned back to Wally.

'Run ahead to Jump, get the Titans to start a search if they haven't already.'

Wally nodded. 'What about you?'

'I'll be there soon. I'm going to see if I can find him on security footage, see if I can track him. If he's run away, I might be able to work out where he's gone.'

Wally nodded again and ran out of the door. Bruce took his phone again and called a number he didn't often call.

'Arthur, I need a favour.'

'Bruce? Sure, what do you need?'

'I need you to meet Superman in Jump City.'

'Jump? Is this about Richard? What do you need me and the big man for?'

'I need you to scan the waters around the city and about a mile out.' Bruce was trying his hardest to keep his voice from breaking.

'What are we looking for?'

'A body.' His voice cracked a little. How had it come to this?

'Anybody in particular?'

Bruce took a deep breath, it shook a little as he let it out. 'Dicks.'

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Slade pinched the bridge of his nose, preparing himself for the conversation he was about to have. There were not many people who could make him anxious. His wife…ex-wife, and obviously his children. The only other person was his oldest friend, a man he had fought wars with and who had followed him into the life of a mercenary. He knew the man would help him through anything, but he also knew the man would give his honest opinion about it as well.

'Will. I need a favour.'

'Hello to you too.' Said William Wintergreen, 'What do you need? It better not be a new safe house, do you have any idea how long it took me to secure the last one?'

'I've done something…reckless.'

'So, what's new?' the old man chuckled. Will was of a similar age to Slade himself, maybe a little older. He held the highest respect for Slade, as the other man had been his commanding officer. But Slade was also one of the few men in this world who he would consider his true friend. And as such, he wasn't afraid to tell him what he was really thinking. He knew Slade could take it.

'I need you to bring me some supplies.' Said Slade, tapping his fingers against the table.

'Guns?'

'No; food, clothes. Enough for a few weeks for two people.' He glanced at the bathroom door, Dick was in the shower. He could still hear the water running, he was keeping an eye on the time. He would give the boy ten minutes before he knocked.

'Two? You with Joseph?'

'No, I've found myself in a bit of a predicament. I'm going to be underground for a while.'

There was a sigh – 'What have you done?'

'Something very out of character.' Slade chuckled. 'Bring me the supplies and you'll see for yourself.'

'I'm not going to like this am I?'

'Probably not.'

'Text me what you need, and which base you're at. I'll be there in a few hours.'

'Thanks, Will.'

When he put down the phone he listened. The shower had been switched off and he could hear movement on the other side of the door. When Dick came out, he was dressed in a new set of sweats, his hair was freshly washed, and his skin had a slightly pink tinge. Slade made a mental note to check the temperature of the water. He looked more comfortable, but he still looked a little unwell. It didn't surprise the older man. That much exposure to cold water in one day would make anyone's immune system freak out. But at least they had avoided anything too serious. A few days rest and some mild pain killers and the boy would be right as rain…. physically.

'We've got supplies coming.' Said Slade, pushing the opposite chair away from the table with his foot so Dick could sit down. 'I've got a few loose ends to tie up before I can go off the radar. Do you have something to keep you out of trouble for a few hours? School work?'

Dick rolled his eyes. 'You sound like my dad.'

'I will take that as you do have school work to finish.' He figured as much. Dick was sixteen, even though he was living away from home, Slade doubted Bruce Wayne would allow his only son to be a high school dropout. 'Been having issues with that have we?'

'I really don't see the point.' Dick shrugged.

'How long have you been feeling like that?'

'Last month or so? I don't need a diploma to be Robin.'

Slade nodded and then leant forward so his companion would know he was being serious.

'I think that was when your breakdown started to fully manifest.' When Dick frowned, he continued. 'Losing interest in things is a common symptom of depression and trauma.'

'I'm not depressed…' Dick cut off, he wasn't sure he could say that phrase truthfully anymore. Not after the previous night's events.

'What's more, the fact you can't see the point in getting a diploma, sounds to me like you stopped planning for the future. Your stunt last night wasn't a snap decision. Whether consciously or not, you've been building up to it for a while.'

Dick decided he wasn't going to particularly enjoy his time with Slade. Not because the man was being mean, or abusive or even unpleasant. But because he seemed to be able to read him better than he could read himself. Everything Slade had said so far made perfect sense. He hated that.

'So, my question to you is, do you want to die?'

The question was so blunt that it made Dick blink for a moment.

'No.' he said and realised it was an honest answer.

'You don't want to die?' -Dick shook his head – 'Do you want to live?'

Again, Dick thought for a moment and answered honestly.

'Not particularly.'

Slade nodded. He didn't freak out or give him a lecture about how precious his life was. He just nodded.

'Obviously, this is just my first impression,' he said slowly, his grey eyes locked onto the boy in front of him. 'But I think you are currently passively suicidal.'

'Passively? What do you mean?'

'I mean, I don't think you're at any risk of putting your head in the microwave the moment I turn my back. However, you have no interest in living or preserving your life either. Which can be equally as dangerous, especially in your line of work.'

Again, Slade's statement made sense and Dick felt slightly sick. The word suicidal was almost as bad as the R-word he couldn't bring himself to say out loud.

'Are you a therapist now?' said Robin, falling back on sarcasm to hide how ashamed he felt.

'I have a PhD in psychology, yes.'

'What?'

'I have various qualifications under my belt.' Said Slade with a shrug. 'Knowledge is power my boy. Which is why your studies are so important. This first diploma might seem simple to you, but it is a building block to further knowledge.'

Dick blinked at him. No one had ever put it like that to him before. Sure, he knew school was important. But in the depths of his pain, he hadn't been able to see why. But now it was becoming a little clearer again. A little piece coming back from the darkness.

'Ok.'

'Good lad. I'll set you up on one of my secure networks.' He found one of his many laptops and set it up in front of Dick. The boy logged into his schooling and began working. Soon they were both engrossed in their work. Every now and then, Slade would look over at his companion. Dick's fingers were flying over the keys and he was completely focused on the work he was doing. The boy had been in his care a little under a day and they had already made progress.

After a couple of hours, Dick stopped. He brought his hand to his forehead and groaned quietly.

'What's wrong?'

'Headache.' Said Dick. Slade noted that the boy did look a little off. He got up and fetched some Advil from the cupboard, handing it to the younger along with a glass of water.

'Take this and go and lie down for a while. Our supplies should be here soon, I'll wake you when we have food.'

Surprisingly, Dick agreed. Taking the medication and going back to bed. Within minutes he was asleep.

An hour later, his phone buzzed. It was Will, letting him know he was outside. Slade went to the door and opened it, putting his finger to his lips.

'Why do I need to be quiet?' asked Will at a whisper. He handed some boxes to Slade and they both carried the supplies down to the base. When the boxes were laid out on the table, Slade showed William to the bedroom, he cracked open the door and the older man peered inside.

Dick was curled up on his side facing them. His breathing was rising and falling in a deep even pattern, showing he was deep in sleep.

'Slade, is that who I think it is?' Will hissed.

Slade pulled him back and closed the door quietly.

'Slade Wilson, why is Richard Grayson in your safe house?'

Slade briefly explained the previous night's events and his theory without going into any of the personal details Dick had given him. When he had finished Will shook his head at him.

'Why are you doing this Slade? It's not going to change what happened.'

'No, but it might change what happens to him.' Slade indicated to the bedroom door. 'He needs help, Will.'

'But why you? Send him home. All you are going to do is piss off the Batman.'

Slade faced his friend and lowered his voice.

'Will, he doesn't need the Batman right now. He needs space to work out whatever trauma he's been through on his own terms.'

'But why you? Of all people. Wilson, this boy is Robin. Chances are you are going to have to fight this boy in the field at some point.' Will gave his friend a concerned look.

'Right now, he's not Robin, he's Richard and he's scared and broken. He just needs a guiding hand.'

William shook his head. 'Why you?'

'Will, if this boy left my care and I later heard he'd ended his life…' he paused. William knew all about Slade's past, he got the picture. 'I need to help him as much as he needs my help.'

Finally, William understood. This wasn't just about helping Grayson, this was about helping himself.

'Alright.' He threw his hands up. 'I'll help if I can.'

Slade gripped the man's arm. 'Thank you, Will.'

'Is he alright?' said Will, gesturing to the door again. 'It's the middle of the day, why is he asleep?'

'I gave him some Advil, he's still a bit under the weather from the exposure to the cold. He'll be out for a little while.'

Will helped Slade un-pack the supplies before he decided to take his leave.

'Please, don't tell Joey about this. I'm not sure how he would react.' Said Slade as he walked Will to the door.

'Alright, I'll keep it quiet. But if you are going to keep him with you for a while, I would suggest letting the boy's father know he is alive.'

Slade nodded, he had been wondering all morning how he was going to let the Batman know his bird was in safe hands. Before he walked away, William took a step closer to him.

'I hope you know what you're doing.' He then walked away leaving Slade to watch him go.

'So do I, Will. So do I.'

**A/N: A few points. Firstly, I'm kind of using the new Aquaman's version of Arthur in this story, because that movie was great! Second, this story is taking place before the whole Slade/Robin Apprenticeship thing. This is the first time Slade and Robin have really met face to face. Hence why Dick doesn't completely hate his guts. Please review! - Karin x**


	9. Chapter 8 - The Search

'We've been over the water twice, Bats. He's not there.' Said Arthur, his tattooed arms crossed over his chest. They had beamed to the Watch Tower after a few hours of searching and found Batman using the League's tech to search for the missing boy.

'You're sure?' said Batman, glancing away from the screen of his computer momentarily to acknowledge the king of Atlantis.

'We're sure.'

Bruce's relief was only momentary. This news meant Dick wasn't dead, but there was now the question of where the hell was he? He was going through security footage, but it was like finding a needle in a city-sized haystack. Facial recognition wasn't working, but that didn't surprise him. The Titans said Dick always wore a cap when he went running, that along with his covered eyes would hinder the tech. He'd tried tracking his son's bike, but he had deactivated the tracker.

Bruce groaned quietly, as he went through more footage. He had taught the boy to disappear too well.

'What do you need Bruce?' asked Aquaman. It was true when he and Bruce had first met, they hadn't really hit it off. But Bruce had changed after he'd adopted Dick. Arthur knew how much the bat loved his son, and he could see how much this was tearing the man apart. Plus, he was fond of Robin, the whole league was! If there was anything, he could do to help him, he would do it.

'If I could just find his bike, I could narrow down the security footage to follow.'

'Isn't one of the Titans a shapeshifter?' said Clark.

'Yes?' said Batman.

'Can't he…sniff it out?'

Bruce thought about this for a few seconds. Why hadn't he thought of that? With Dick in such a vulnerable state, he had been unable to think straight himself. He picked up his communicator and called the Titan's asking them to head out into the City again and see if they could track Robin's cycle. He could tell that the teenagers were a little confused as to why finding Robin's bike would help; they were still new to the game. But they were also too intimidated by the Batman to question him. When he had hung up the call to the teen heroes, he brought out his own phone and tried calling Dick again.

'_Sorry, can't come to the phone,'_ Dick's voice rang out. '_You know what to do.'_ This time he left a message.

'Dick, it's me. Listen. I know you're having a hard time and I know you don't want a repeat of four years ago. But please, call me. Let me know you are alright. We can work this out.'

When he hung up the phone, his shoulders sagged. No one had told him when he had wanted to adopt Dick that being a parent would have challenges like this. No one had told him he would love another human being in the way he loved his son. His heart was physically hurting for worry.

'Do you want me to scan the rooftops?' asked Clark, seeing his friend's pain.

'No, we need to stay discrete.' Said Batman, trying to regain composure.

'But, surely…'

'No,' Batman turned to face the man of steel. 'If Dick is having another breakdown, he will be skittish. If he sees you, he might run. And if he's having an episode of mania…who knows what he might do.'

'Did Dick show any signs of…' Clark trailed off, he knew Bruce would understand what he meant.

'He's become very good at hiding just how bad he is feeling. I knew he was struggling, but I didn't realise it was this bad.' Batman admitted.

'I don't get why he would run?' asked Arthur, brushing a hand through his long hair that was still damp from his time in the water.

Batman sighed and seemed to be weighing up whether the information was important enough to divulge. He seemed to decide it was.

'When Dick had his first break down, four years ago, Dinah and I decided it would be in his best interest to medicate him. He was a danger to himself.'

'I remember.' Said Clark.

'Dick reacted badly to the medication. In the beginning, he was very sick. To the point, I thought I needed to take him to the hospital. He was weak, disorientated, he was so sick he was becoming dehydrated. Alfred and I spent hours sat on the bathroom floor with him.'

Clark's expression told the Atlantian that he hadn't known this information before today. He asked the Dark Knight why he had kept the boy on them.

'Dinah had insisted the sickness would pass. And after a few weeks, it did. But they made Dick a hollow shell of himself. We'd had to put him on sedatives to reduce the risk of manic episodes. Dick was like a ghost. Slowly, as he worked with Dinah, we lowered the dose until he was fine again.'

The other heroes waited patiently for the Bat to finish his story.

'After the incident with Ivy and Bane, Dinah and our doctor prescribed him more medication but didn't push him to take them. Every time I mentioned them, Dick would shut down. I think he was a little scarred from the previous time he was on them. That's why he ran, he thought I would force him back on them.'

'Would you?' Arthur asked curiously.

'I don't want too. But if Dick is a danger to himself, I will do what I need too to protect him.' He looked out of the window at the earth, far below the Watch Tower. 'Dick's problem is he refuses to accept or admit he isn't alright. He represses until he breaks.'

The other two heroes gave each other a shared look which Batman caught. 'And yes, I am aware he gets that from me.'

'What will you do when we find him.' Said Clark, using the word_ when_ and not _if_.

'I don't' know Clark. Until he is willing to accept there is a problem and until he understands he needs help, I really don't know what to do.'

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Slade watched as the boy before him played with his pasta. He was unnervingly quiet. Slade wasn't used to eating with a teenager when they were this still, even Joey would sign animatedly while he ate.

'Something on your mind?' he asked the boy as he approached the end of his own meal.

Dick shrugged, there was plenty on his mind. And in truth, Slade had been right, he really didn't care what the man thought of him. Which meant he didn't feel the need to act like a normal human being. He didn't feel like talking, so he didn't.

'You know, starving yourself is probably making your depression worse.' Slade mused, saying it in a tone that was not aggressive or accusing. He was simply making a statement.

'I'm not…' Dick cut off. Who the hell was he trying to fool? Slade had already diagnosed him as passively suicidal.

They finished their meal in silence, as they were clearing the dishes Slade looked down at his young charge.

'We're going to have to contact your father pretty soon.' He said, testing the waters.

As predicted, Dick tensed.

'What do you mean?'

'It won't be long before he sees the footage from the subway, if he hasn't already. We need to let him know that you are alive and safe.'

Dick said nothing, putting his complete focus on drying the plate in his hands; he was beginning to hate doing the dishes.

'I'm sure he is beside himself with worry,' Slade continued. 'I know I would be if one of my kids went missing.'

Dick seemed to perk up slightly at this information.

'You have kids?'

'Three. Two boys and a girl.'

'How old are they?' asked Dick, placing the plate back in the cupboard and picking up a glass.

'They are grown now, have lives of their own.' Said Slade, carefully wording his answers.

'How do they feel about your line of work?'

'They work with me from time to time.' Not that his wife…ex-wife agreed with this. Dick absorbed this information and they went quiet again for a few minutes.

'Was it obvious?' Dick said quietly.

'What?'

The boy swallowed. 'That I was about to step in front of the train? Was it obvious?'

'Pretty obvious, yes. You literally looked like you were just going to step off the platform.'

Dick closed his eyes and sucked in a breath. No matter whether Bruce believed Wally's recounting of the incident on the bridge. When Bruce saw that footage there would be no doubt in his mind that his son was once again a danger to himself.

'Richard?'

The air had been sucked from his lungs again as he thought about what Bruce would do. Slade was right, Bruce would be beside himself. There would be no more compromises, no more deals. Bruce would take back control, and he would be forced back into numbness. Surely feeling this overwhelming darkness was better than simply feeling nothing!

'Dick, breathe!' Slade's hands were on his shoulders and Dick flinched as he came back to the room, realising he couldn't fill his lungs with air. Slade guided him back to his chair and forced him to sit.

'Dick, look at me. I want you to put one hand on your chest and the other on your stomach.' Despite this sounding like a request, the older man lightly helped guide his hands to the requested position. 'Now, I want you to take a deep breath, in for 4 seconds and then breathe it out for 6. I want you to make your stomach rise first and then your chest. Feel your body move under your hands.'

Dick concentrated on the instructions he had been given, forcing his stomach to rise under his palm, followed by his chest, counting in his head up to 4 and then letting his chest and then his stomach fall again as he counted to 6. He did this again and again until he could finally do it with ease. But he didn't stop until Slade released his shoulders.

'Do you often have panic attacks?' Slade asked gently.

Slowly, Dick nodded. 'These days.'

'Since when?'

'The last year.'

'Is that when it happened?'

Dick's eyes shot up. No. Surely, Slade hadn't worked it out as well!

'I've seen a lot of things in my life, Richard. I've seen people act the way you do, and I know why.'

Dick looked away. He wanted to cry.

'Were you Robin at the time?' Slade pushed slightly.

Dick waited for a beat and then shook his head.

'Was it just once?' Slade knew this question didn't matter, even if it had only happened once it didn't take away how traumatic the event had been. But he wanted to know what he was working with. His heart clenched when he saw the boy bite his lip and then again shake his head.

'How long before Batman saved you?'

Dick's face dropped, and pain filled his features. He opened his mouth to speak but only a strange sob came out. He took a breath and tried again.

'Batman didn't come. Neither did Bruce.' He said in a whisper. 'I saved myself.'

'How long?'

'Three days.'

'Where was Wayne?' Anger was boiling in Slade. Sure, he knew he wasn't exactly on the right side of the law, but he would never harm a child. He knew a lot of people who committed crime's thought the same way. To do such an act to a child was disgusting, and even in the criminal underworld, it was taboo.

'There had been a plan to separate us. To infiltrate Bruce Wayne. It worked.'

'Who?' said Slade, trying to hide his anger. He would put a bullet between their eyes.

But Dick shook his head, he had said enough.

'Whatever happened, it wasn't your fault. You know that right?'

Dick nodded, but darkness crept into his eyes. Slade decided that it was best to let the subject lie for the moment.

'I put a block in your phone while you were sleeping.' Said Slade, pulling the device from his pocket. The screen was a little cracked from when Dick had hit the floor in the subway. 'You can make a call without being tracked.'

Dick just stared at the device, his hands clenched on his knees.

'I can't' he said, knowing what the older man wanted him to do. 'I can't talk to him, not like this.'

'He needs to know that you're safe. When he sees me on the security footage, he's going to think the worst.'

Dick just shook his head, still refusing to take the phone.

'I can't.'

Slade could see the shakes return to the boys' shoulders, his breath coming in uneven pants again as another attack threatened.

'Okay, I'll work something out.'

Dick took a deep breath. 'I'm pathetic, I know.'

'No, you're not.' Slade put the phone in his back-pocket ad bent back down to the youngers eye level. 'You have been through something that no one should have to go through, let alone someone your age. You are a fighter and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.'

Dick looked at him in gratitude. This was something everyone had been telling him since Bane's attack, but for some reason, coming from Slade, he believed him.

'Take the computer to the bedroom and get on with your studies. I'll handle your father.'

Without further comment, Dick stood and went towards the sleeping quarters, grabbing the laptop from the side as he went. When the door shut, Slade pulled the phone out once again. He keyed in the passcode (which admittedly had taken him a little time to hack through, the kid knew what he was doing when it came to security) and looked through his contacts. The majority of his contacts were just letters or initials. A, BG, KF, MM, SB, Z. The only real names in the contact list were, Alf, Dr L and Dad.

Selecting the contact, he presumed was Bruce Wayne, he held the phone to his ear. A panicked voice answered the phone, a voice that Slade instantly recognised as the man he was hoping for.

'_Dick, are you alright, where are you?'_ Bruce asked.

'Mr Wayne I believe we need to talk.'

**A/N: Sorry for the delay! I hope you enjoy this chapter! Please review - Karin x**


	10. Chapter 9 - Parental Consent

Bruce felt like he was going to be sick. He couldn't believe what he had just watched. Dick, his son, his child, had walked to the edge of the platform and then gone to take a step further, into the path of the oncoming train.

But he had been stopped, someone had dragged him from the edge and Bruce could do nothing but watch as the dark figure held his son face down against the tiled floor, pinning one of his arms behind his back. He could only watch as Dick screamed and fought against the man. His glasses had fallen from his face and there were tears streaming from his eyes. Suddenly, his mouth opened in a gasp. Bruce had seen this expression before, in the midst's of a panic attack, Dick was struggling for air.

Gripping the edges of his seat, Bruce watched as Dick's struggles became weaker until finally, they stopped, and he passed out. The man loosened his grip and rolled the unconscious boy onto his back, checked his pulse and sat back on his heels. There were a few moments, where the man seemed to be considering what to do next. Finally, he shifted to a more secure footing and lifted the boy easily into his arms. Dick's head hung back limply.

Once he had the boy secured in his arms, the man turned to leave. Bruce wasn't prepared for the face that appeared on the camera.

Deathstroke the Terminator carried his son from the subway and out of sight.

When Beast Boy had tracked down Robin's motorcycle, Batman had hoped he would be able to track Robin's location to somewhere in the city. A naive part of him had believed that he would find Dick sat on a rooftop somewhere brooding, just like he used to do in Gotham when he was younger. Whenever Dick had a bad day, Bruce knew he would find him next to his favourite gargoyle in the city. But that had been a childish hope. This was the reality of Dick's current mental state. This was no longer a question of whether Dick was willing to save himself. Now he was actively attempting to destroy himself.

It was a strange position to be in; not knowing whether to thank the man for saving his son's life or track him down and beat Dick's location out of him.

Bruce's eyes flicked down to his phone as it buzzed on the table beside him. The glowing screen showed a picture of Dick smiling at the camera with the caller ID showing "Dick".

He grabbed the phone and held it to his ear.

'Dick, where are you? Are you alright?' He could hear the frantic tone in his voice, but after what he had just seen he couldn't hide his concern.

'_Mr Wayne. I think we need to talk_.' Said a deep voice that most certainly did not belong to his son.

'Deathstroke.' Bruce growled.

'_I take it you have seen the footage from the subway then?'_ said the man.'

'Where is my son?' Bruce demanded.

'_He's perfectly safe_.'

'Where is he?' Bruce's voice had lowered to a threatening tone.

There was a sigh on the other end of the phone. '_I assure you, he is fine. Physically_.' There was a pause. '_If you know he is with me then you must also know what he tried to do.'_

Bruce didn't know how to answer, so he simply grunted.

'_He's not well, Mr Wayne_.' The Terminators voice was soft, unthreatening. It threw Bruce off slightly. In all the other times he had encountered this man, generally, to stop him completing a job, the mercenaries voice was hard.

'Bring him home.' Said Bruce, a little softer.

'_I've tried. He refuses to go back to Gotham or even back to the Titans. I thought being with me was likely preferable to leaving him alone.'_

Bruce hated it, but he agreed with this logic.

'Where are you? I will collect him myself.'

There was another pause. '_I can't let you do that, Mr Wayne_.'

The Terminator kept referring to him as Mr Wayne. It wasn't a shock to discover that the man knew his identity. He had long suspected this. But it took Bruce a moment to realise the man was trying to be respectful. He wasn't talking to Batman, he was addressing him as Dick's concerned father.

'Why not?'

'_As I said, he doesn't want to go home. I've had some experience with cases such as your sons. I think at this point he needs space and time to heal_.'

'We've tried that, and it ended with him stepping in front of a train.' Bruce growled.

'_I understand your concern. And I know this is going to be hard to believe. But I think I can help him_.'

'You have got to be kidding me.' Said Bruce, was this man seriously suggesting that he leave Dick in his care? 'You have no idea what my son has been through, or what he needs.'

'_Actually, I do_.' The certainty in Slade's voice stopped Bruce from reacting. '_I know the signs of sexual assault and I have dealt with individuals, around Dick's age, dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts.'_

Bruce was speechless. Dick never spoke about what had happened to him. Never. Not since Robin had taken down Bane at the bogus wedding, had the boy specifically mentioned what had happened to him.

'He told you?'

'_He didn't have to. But yes, he has given me some details after he realised, I knew_.'

It took a lot of effort for Bruce not to react negatively to this statement. Dick had never confided in him about the attack, he only knew the basics. He knew Bane had held him captive in his room for three days, he knew he had forced himself upon the boy. But he didn't know specifics. He didn't know what had happened, what Dick had been forced to endure. It was something his son had refused to talk about. And selfishly, he hadn't wanted to know all the details. Simply knowing that he hadn't been able to save his child was torture enough.

'Where is he now?' Bruce said quietly, but the threatening tone to his voice was completely gone.

'_He is working on his school work. He has been asleep most of the day, so I'll get him in the gym this evening._' The tone in which Slade said this was so conversational that for a brief moment Bruce almost forgot who he was talking to.

'How is he?'

'_A lot calmer than he was last night_.' Said Slade.

Bruce leant back in his seat, running a hand down his face. There was stubble on his jaw from all the long hours he had spent searching for Richard.

'Why are you helping him?'

'_Pushing our grievances aside, he is just a boy. A boy who has been through something inexcusable…you are not the only one with children, Mr Wayne. Most of us draw the line at harming a child, even one as capable and strong as Robin_.'

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

'_How do I know you are telling the truth_?'

Slade sighed at the man's words and walked over to the bedroom door, knocking briefly before entering. Dick was sat on the bed, his back against the wall with his knees drawn up and the laptop resting against his thigh's, inches from his face.

'Your father would like a word, to make sure you are alright.' He said. The tone of his voice was not menacing, but it told Dick that in this instance, he didn't have a choice. The boy took the phone and held it to his ear.

'_Dick?'_ Bruce's voice almost brought tears to his eyes, but he swallowed them back along with the shame that wanted to wash over him.

'_Dick, are you alright_?'

'Yes.' Dick breathed.

'_You're not hurt_?'

'No.'

'_Dick, do you know who this man is_?'

Dick looked up at the man who had pulled him away from the train, who had saved him from a terrible mistake.

'Yes.'

'_Just say the word Dick and I will come and get you_.'

Dick knew Bruce was asking him to use their code word. It was a code they had thought up years ago, should either of them be held at gunpoint and forced to call home. If they were in trouble all they had to say was "I've been thinking about our holiday to Hawaii, we should go again soon." And the other would know they were in trouble. That was what Bruce was waiting for now, some sign that Dick was in trouble and needed saving. But Dick didn't need saving…not this time.

'No, I'm fine.'

Dick heard his father let out a frustrated puff of air through his nose.

'_Please Dick, come home.'_

Dick closed his eyes and bit his lip. Slade watched him from the doorway; it had been a long time since he had seen someone look so lost.

'_Dick? Are you there?'_

'I can't.' Dick's voice was little more than a whisper. 'I don't trust myself.'

'_That's ok. Just come home and we can work through this.'_

'No, you'll put me back on those pills.' He pressed his fist against his right eye. 'I don't want to feel like that again.'

'_But you want to feel like you do now?'_

'No, I just need some time to work it out.'

'_Dick, I don't trust this man_.'

'I know.' He looked over at Slade. 'But I do.'

'_Richard, he is a mercenary_!' Bruce sounded exasperated.

'And he saved my life.'

'_Dick, please.'_

'I'm sorry.' Dick held the phone back to Slade who took it whilst keeping his one good eye focused on the boy.

'Mr Wayne?'

Dick kept his focus on his hands, listening to Slade's one-sided conversation and feeling his stare.

'I have no doubt that that would be in your power, but I assure you I meant it when I said I am pushing our own grievances to the side… I am not keeping your son here against his will. He can leave any time he wants…. yes, he will have his phone, so he can contact you at any time.' There was a pause and a surprise looked flashed across Slade's face momentarily. 'I will keep that in mind. Good day.'

'What did he say? Dick asked as Slade handed him back his phone, as he had just promised Bruce.

'He relented. He told me to tell you that the phone call rules of your deal still apply.'

Dick raised his eyebrow. 'What else did he say? What do you need to keep in mind?'

'The fact that you used to hide your razor blades in the back of your phone case.' The man crossed his arms and nodded towards the device in Dick's hands.

Dick sighed and pulled the case from the phone, showing that there were no sharp objects hidden there.

'Good.' Said Slade, heading to leave the room. 'I don't know the full extent of your fathers' rules, but mine is simple. Do not lie to me. I appreciate how much trust you are putting in me, and I promise you I will do my best to help you and I will not lie to you. But I expect the same respect in return.'

Dick nodded. 'Yes, Sir.' The Sir had just slipped out. It was what he always said to Bruce or Alfred when he was being reprimanded and asked if he understood.

'Good. Now finish whatever you're working on. We're going for a run.'

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Bruce just stared at the phone after it hung up. What had just happened?

'You alright Bats?' it was Superman.

'Call off the search.' Batman said quietly.

'Why? Did you find him?'

'Yes, he's safe.'

'Thank god!' said Clark, 'Where is he?'

'He's with Slade Wilson.' Batman said, his voice flat.

'Wait, Slade Wilson as in Death Stroke the Terminator? That Slade Wilson?'

Batman's silence told him he was correct. Bruce briefly explained the situation and Clark listened, but his face grew ever more concerned.

'And you trust that he isn't going to hurt him?'

'I don't trust the man and I don't agree with his line of work…but he seemed to genuinely want to help Dick and he did save him from stepping in front of the train.'

'So, you're just going to leave him?'

'No, I'm going to track him down but for the moment, I have no choice but to trust that Dick can take care of himself.'

**A/N: It feels weird writing Slade as a semi-good guy. But I kind of want to show that everyone has two sides to them and everyone has a past that shapes their decisions. I hope my characterisation turns out alright. Let me know what you think in the reviews - Karin x**


	11. Chapter 10 - The Truth

**A/N: WARNING! This chapter contains explicit mention and description of rape and suicide. Please do not read if these topics are triggering for you. **

It was late, Slade's eye was starting to sting with fatigue. After his conversation with Bruce Wayne, he and Dick had gone above ground and into the warehouse, which was decked out with training equipment and a running track. They had spent a few hours running, although Dick had shown interest in some of the other equipment, Slade didn't want him to push himself until his body had had a chance to heal from his fever. This routine continued for a few days, very quickly Dick got his strength back and Slade had to admit, the kid was fast and had a lot of stamina. He was clearly used to running long distances. When they finished their final lap, Dick appeared to be a lot less agitated.

'You enjoy running.' Slade had commented on the fourth day of their running routine.

'It clears my head.' Dick said from his place on the floor, stretching his legs out in front of him and bending himself over them whilst gripping the soles of his feet.

'Is that what you were doing the other night?' Slade asked, remembering the clothing he had found the boy wearing. 'Clearing your head?'

Dick had looked up at him, weighing up what he should tell him. 'Cyborg found out the truth.' He finally answered. 'He confronted me about it.'

'What did you tell him?'

'The truth. The guy was caught and that's that.'

'Is that the truth?' Slade asked. 'Remember you promised not to lie to me.'

Dick was silent, finishing his stretch and getting back to his feet.

'It should be the end of it.' He said.

'Unfortunately, what should be and what actually happens are often different things.' Said Slade. 'I presume it was this conversation with your teammate that pushed you over the edge?'

Dick nodded, a grimace on his face. He would never blame Cyborg for his breakdown, but he knew that conversation had been the final straw.

'Have you ever told anyone what happened to you?' Slade asked, trying to be gentle but direct.

'I told you, I saw a shrink.'

'Oh, I know you told them the basic facts. But have you ever shared what actually happened? What did you feel? What you were thinking?'

An alarmed expression crossed over Dick's face. 'Have you even said out loud what happened to you? Without the mask.' Dick's expression answered this question for him.

'Some things shouldn't be said out loud. They just need to be forgotten.' Dick mumbled.

'But you're not forgetting. You're letting it fester inside you. Does it make your skin crawl? Is that why you have the water so hot when you shower, to make the itch go away?'

Dick's eyes were wide, and his mouth hung open slightly. How the hell did he know all of that? He took a step back as Slade came forward, but the older man caught his arm gently.

'I told you, I've seen many things, Richard.' His voice was gentle, but his look was intense. 'There is nothing you can say that would shock me, nothing that would make me judge you, or think any less of you.'

They had shared eye contact for a few more seconds, then Dick looked away and nodded.

They didn't talk any more after that. Slade was content that he had planted the idea in Dick's head that he should share his thoughts. Now, he just needed to wait until the boy was ready. They had cleaned up (he noted that Dick had the water temperature a lot lower this time) and had dinner. Seeminly still in thought, Dick went to bed.

Now Slade was stood above him, looking down at the sleeping child. Because that was what he was, despite everything he was capable of, Dick was still a child. He pulled the blanket over the kid's shoulder and shut the curtain around the bed. He gave a quiet groan as he got into bed himself and finally let himself fall into slumber.

OOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Wally stared at the Bat. Surely, he had misheard him.

'What do you mean he's with Death Stroke.'

'For the moment, it appears the Terminator has put his work to one side. For some reason, he wants to help Dick, and I believe he is telling the truth.'

'So, you're going to leave him with Death Stroke the Terminator?' Wally's voice was verging on hysterical. There had been a time when simply being in Batman's presence was enough to reduce him to a nervous, silent wreck. After so many years of being friends with Dick, this was no longer the case.

'No, I am still going to track him down, but I am less worried about his immediate safety.' He cleared his throat, somewhat regretting his decision to update Young Justice on their progress of finding Robin. 'For whatever reason, Slade actually seems to want to help him.'

'Well, if Slade really did see Dick try to kill himself, then his concern makes sense, considering.' Said Artemis. They all looked to her.

'Considering what?' asked Batman.

'You don't know?' asked Artemis, shocked that she knew information that the Batman didn't. Sure, it was information she knew because of who her family was, but even so. She sat up, giving the whole room her attention. 'Slade's eldest son committed suicide when he was 18. Slade found his body.'

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Slade stared up at the black ceiling above him. With no windows in the base, it was hard to work out what time it was, but he didn't feel like he had been asleep for very long. He lay there a moment longer, letting his mind stay blank, hoping he would fall back to sleep. A small whimper from the other side of the room made him sit up.

'Dick?' he swung his legs over onto the floor and switched on the bedside lamp. The whimper came again, and Slade crossed the small gap and pulled back the curtain.

Dick was led on his back, he was stock still, but his eyes were wide with fear.

'Dick?' Slade knelt down, and for a moment Dick's eyes flit over to him, but then they went back to focus on something above him. It was then that Slade realised what was happening to the Boy Wonder.

'Dick, focus on me. Whatever you see, it isn't real.'

The boy let out another whimper as his breathing began to escalate.

'Dick, look at me. Don't look at it, look at me.' It took a few seconds, but Dick's eyes moved to focus on Slade. 'Good, keep looking at me. Remember it isn't real. It can't hurt you. Now I want you to grip my hand. Don't think about anything else apart from gripping my hand.'

He took hold of Dick's right hand loosely. 'Grip your fingers around my hand.'

For a moment Dick's eyes went back to the space above him and he whimpered again in fear. But Slade coaxed his attention back to him.

'Grip my hand, Dick. That's it, focus on your fingers, grip my hand.'

A small flutter of movement at a time, Dick's fingers began to close. When he finally had a grip on Slade's hand, it was like a spell had been broken. Dick sat up, finally able to control his body. Slade took hold of him, whispering to him that he needed to breathe.

Dick tried to push away at first, but after a few moments, he clung to Slade's shirt and cried. He cried and cried, all the tears he had built up since leaving Gotham, they all poured from his eyes. Slade held him, rocking him slightly and letting him cry himself out.

Finally, Dick's sobs died down and he just sat with his forehead pressed against Slade's chest. It felt oddly comforting. There had been a time when Bruce would hold him like this, back when he was younger and innocent.

Slade didn't let him go, he wouldn't until the boy tried to pull away. But Dick didn't pull away, instead, he spoke.

'It was in the manor, in my room, on my bed.' He whispered. 'He grabbed me, dragged me to my room and locked the door. He held me down on my bed. My face was pressed into the mattress, I could barely breathe.'

Slade resisted the urge to pull the boy closer and he listened.

'He took off my clothes…he was so strong, I couldn't stop him.' A new tear rolled down Dick's cheek.

'I can still feel him touching me. Feel him inside me. I can still taste him.' More tears rolled down to join the others. 'There was blood, it stained the carpet…' He took a deep breath. 'Then he left me on the floor; naked, covered in my blood and his….' A choked sob came from his mouth as he remembered the panic, he had felt upon realising the man was ejaculating inside his body. He shook, and he drew in more breath. 'Over three days he came in, he beat me and then force me down and…put himself inside me. Over and over again, every time he finished, he said that he was marking me as his.'

Slade swallowed quietly. What kind of monster does that to anyone, let alone a 15- year-old? Then to do it again and again, to violate him in every way possible and not even allow the boy the knowledge that his attacker was using protection.

'After I escaped, and he was arrested the police needed evidence. They did tests and procedures that were almost as mortifying as what he did. I felt so…dirty.' Dick couldn't stop. All these things that he had been holding in for over a year were all spilling out and he couldn't stop them. 'He was clean, but it didn't help. I can't forget how it felt, even hours after he'd left me, trying to remove all traces of him from my body.'

'Say it, Dick.' Slade whispered. 'You need to say it out loud, otherwise, it's going to keep haunting you.'

'I can't.' Dick whimpered.

'Yes, you can. You can get past this, but first, you need to accept what happened to you. Say it.'

Dick took a deep breath and gripped Slade's shirt tighter.

'I was raped. He kidnapped me, beat me and then raped me.'

Dick wished he could say he felt better. That admitting it out loud would be like a weight off his shoulders. But it wasn't, he felt the same. But now another person knew the truth, he didn't feel quite so alone.

'My son…' Slade said quietly. 'He was your age when he started showing signs of depression. He was self-harming, becoming reckless. I was too busy to notice.'

Dick said nothing and listened.

'He rang me, while I was on a job. He told me he needed me, that he didn't know what to do.' Now it was Slade's turn to take a breath. 'I told him I was busy, that I would come and see him when I got back from my job.' He sighed. 'I got back three days later, and I went to see him. I found Grant hanging from a beam in his flat. He'd been there for days.'

Dick pulled away and looked at the man who was an enemy of the Batman. Suddenly, the world didn't seem so black and white.

'I let him down. I wasn't there for him.' Slade continued. 'So, you see why I want to help? From the moment I saw you walking in the rain that night, and I stopped you ending your life, I knew I couldn't walk away. I couldn't…I can't let another kid die. Not like that.'

Dick stared at him, still wondering why Slade had opened up so much.

'I told you in the car, I would tell you why I'm helping you if you told me why you wanted to jump in front of the train. I'm a man of my word.'

They sat in silence, the darkness around them oddly still. There was no going back now. They knew each other's secrets. Wordlessly, they both got back into bed. Dick kept the curtain open and Slade kept the light on. They both drifted back into sleep, feeling more comfortable about their situation. Both knowing that they needed the other but also knowing that the other person needed them just as much.

**A/N Two chapters in one day, it must be a bank holiday! Back to work tomorrow, so I don't know when I am going to be updating again. Hopefully within the next few weeks. Please review! Karin x**


	12. Chapter 11 - Do You Want To Die?

When Dick awoke the next morning, Slade was gone. He led and stared at the empty bed for some time, thinking over the events of the previous night. The weight still did not feel any lighter on his shoulders, but in a weird way, he no longer felt like he was living a lie. He had told Slade the truth about his past. He had been raped and Batman…Bruce had not saved him. He thought back to Slade's reaction, the man had been calm and in return for Dick's honesty, he had told him the truth about his son's death. Now Dick understood why the older man wanted to help him.

Taking a deep breath, he pushed himself up from the bed and treaded carefully to the door. Slade was in the kitchen area, sat at the table with his head in his hands. When he heard Dick approach he looked up.

'Good morning.' He said.

'How long have you been up?' asked Dick quietly, the man was dressed but he didn't look as awake and ready to go as he usually did.

'A few hours.'

'What time is it?' Down here in the windowless base, it was hard to guess at the time.

'About 9:30. After your disrupted sleep last night, I didn't want to wake you.'

Dick nodded in thanks and sat down at the table, opposite the other man.

'How did you know what to do?' asked Dick, genuinely curious. 'No one's ever been able to bring me out of paralysis before.'

Slade's eyebrow lifted in interest. 'You've had sleep paralysis before?'

Dick nodded. 'A few times when I was in Gotham, once with the Titans before I ran away.'

'And it's always the same figure that appears?'

Dick nodded again. 'It's always him.'

'Who was he, Dick?' Slade leaned forward, resting his arms on the table.

But Dick shook his head. 'He's locked away, that's all that matters.'

It clearly wasn't, but Slade did not pry. He could tell the boy wasn't in the mood and to be honest, neither was he. Bringing up Grant had resurfaced some repressed emotions of his own. He needed some time to sort through them in his head. They sat in silence for a while, when Slade finally looked up, the boy was picking at the hem of his shirt, his eyes unfocused.

'Let's get out of here.' He said, making the younger look up in surprise.

'Where?'

'Do you climb?'

Dick gave him a confused look. Climb?

'There's a good climbing spot a few miles outside of Jump, not many people know about it, so it will be very quiet. Fancy it?'

Dick contemplated this for a moment, the last time he had gone climbing had been with Bruce. The thought made him sad for a second, but then he remembered how much he had enjoyed it.

'Sure.' He said. He could see the older man needed to get out of this base too. 'I'll go get changed.' He got up and headed back to the bedroom to grab his clothes when he started making his way to the bathroom, Slade was no longer in the kitchen.

Once locked in the bathroom, Dick looked at himself in the mirror. He had been with Slade for a little under two weeks, already the pieces were fitting back together. He'd completed five of his school assignments, he was going longer periods of time without having the itching under his skin. Despite having an episode of sleep paralysis, the night before, he didn't feel afraid to go back to sleep. Now that he knew Slade would be able to bring him out of it, it no longer felt like an impossible prison. But this scared him. It made him feel guilty. Why hadn't Bruce, his father, been able to make him feel this safe? Why did he hold so much anger towards Bruce? The attack hadn't been the older man's fault. He hadn't known it was Ivy, disguising herself as Rose to get close to him. He had been as much a victim to the whole ordeal as Dick himself. So why did he feel this anger when he thought about him? The guilt felt like hot fire in his chest.

'Dick, you ready?'

'Coming!' Dick quickly changed and brushed his teeth. When he went back out, Slade was waiting with his car keys dangling on one finger.

'Ready to go?"

'Yeh.' He tried to smile, but despite all his improvement, the action still didn't feel quite natural.

They walked out to the car and for the first time, Dick noticed that it had blacked out windows. He got in the passenger seat and looked over to the older man as he started the car.

'So where are we going?'

Slade grinned. 'I think you're going to like it.'

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

'Bruce it's been two weeks. We're no closer to finding him!' Superman cried. 'Why aren't you more worried?'

'I am worried, Clark. Just not about the same things.' Bruce confessed. He lent back in his seat. He hated it when Clark appeared at his home, uninvited.

'So, what are you worried about?'

'I'm worried about the fact my son tried to kill himself. I'm worried about the fact that over the last year my son has been pulling further and further away from me.' He stood up, slamming his fists down on the desk. 'I'm worried that my son blames me for the fact he was repeatedly raped in his own home. And do you know why I am worried about that? Because he would be right! I should have been stronger, I should have seen Ivy's plan and not fallen right into it.' He sighed and sagged back into his chair.

'Bruce…' Clark said kindly.

'I let him down, Clark. I wasn't there to protect him, and I wasn't there to save him.' Bruce bit his lip. 'Slade has been keeping me updated every day regarding Dick. He tries to get Dick to talk to me. I hear them talking. But Dick rarely takes the phone.'

'And you think being with Slade is doing him good?'

Bruce pulled open a drawer on his desk and pulled out a file. He threw it at his friend. The alien looked down at the file and opened it. It was full of school assignments, each with a perfect score.

'Over the last year his grades have been slipping and it's been harder and harder to get him interested in school work. More so after he joined the Titans.' Bruce shook his head. 'Slade got him to complete five assignments in just under two weeks. And Dick scored top marks.'

Clark looked over each of the papers. A+ was written in red ink on all of them, with comments on how wonderful his work was.

'You're sure it was Dick that completed them?' Clark asked suspiciously.

'I've read them all.' Bruce nodded, 'It's Dick, I'd know his style anywhere.'

Clark sighed and placed the papers on the desk.

'So, what's your plan?'

'I'm going to ask Slade to meet me. I need to look him in the eyes and ask him what he thinks he can do for Richard.'

'Eye.'

'What?'

Clark suddenly looked bashful. 'Eye. He's only got one.'

Bruce looked at the man who was his best friend (if Alfred's opinion on the matter was to be believed.) He could see that the alien was coming around to his way of thinking, if only for his sake.

'Get out, Boy Scout.'

'Alright, but you might want to fill the team in. They're starting to get very worried…both of them.'

Bruce nodded, and Clark left. When he was gone, Bruce picked up a picture from his desk. It was a photo of himself and Dick several years ago. It had been taken after Dick's first breakdown after he had fully recovered. The boy looked truly happy.

'We'll fix you, Dickie, I promise you will be happy again.'

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

'Wow.' Dick looked over the edge of the cliff. 'That's a long way down.'

'Scared of heights?' Slade asked, amused. He knew the boy wasn't. He had seen Robin jump out of a plane without any hesitation.

'No,' Dick said. 'But I thought you said we were climbing. We're already at the top.'

'We're scaling down and then climbing back up.' Slade said. 'There's no other way down. Unless you want to jump.'

Dick glared, he knew Slade was joking, but it wasn't funny. He toyed with the safety harness that was attached to his waist and legs.

'That's a little loose, come here.' Slade took a step forward and Dick took a step back, closer to the edge. Instantly, Slade lifted his hands to show the boy he wasn't going to touch him.

'Sorry.' He said, 'Please come away from the edge.'

A look of despair crossed Dick's face as he took a step away from the ledge.

'It's not getting any better.' He whispered. 'I still freak out, all the time. I can't control it.'

'I don't think that's true, you're doing a lot better.'

'I don't think so.' Dick's voice was filled with self-hatred.

Suddenly Slade stepped forward and before Dick could react, the older man pushed him hard. Losing his footing, Dick stepped back, and his foot met with air. A sickly feeling hit his gut as he realised, he was falling. He was going to die.

A moment later, his body jolted to a stop. He opened his eyes and saw Slade was holding him in place by his harness. Slade raised his eyebrow and looked down at his arm. Dick followed his gaze. In the panic of falling, Dick had reached forward and grabbed the older man's arm, he was holding it in a death grip.

'Two weeks ago, you wouldn't have tried to save yourself.' Slade said calmly. Still not bringing the boy in. 'Now tell me. Do you want to die?'

Dick's mind was reeling. Did he want to die? The fact that he had stepped in front of that train suggested he did. But right now, dangling above certain death, he wasn't so sure.

Suddenly Slade loosened his grip on the belt and Dick slipped a little. He couldn't help but scream.

'No! NO! I don't want to die!' Dick's eyes were wide with fear and adrenaline, his breath coming in fast gasps.

Slade pulled the belt and dragged Dick back from the edge. Dick stumbled and fell to his knees on the ground.

'Alright?' asked Slade.

The boy took a deep shaky breath and then pushed himself back onto his feet. He approached the older man and hit his chest repeatedly. Slade let him.

'Why would you do that!?' Dick screamed, still hitting the older man but each punch was becoming weaker. Finally, Slade grabbed the boy's wrists.

'To make you realise, you are not lost. You are fighting this, and you are winning.'

Tears spilt down Dick's cheeks as he stared at him.

'What would you have done if I had said no?' Dick asked quietly.

'I would have dragged you back in and we would re-evaluate.' Slade watched as Dick took another deep breath. 'Now, knowing that you don't want to fall to your death. Will you let me tighten your harness?'

With a slow but sure nod, Dick allowed Slade to tighten the straps around his waist and around his upper thighs. Although his heart was still thundering in his chest, for once it was bearable.

**A/N: Fun Fact about my own Dad (since it is fathers day). When I was a kid I was terrified of water...so he threw me in the deep end of the pool. I now love the water. I was also terrified of dogs...so he got us 2 massive German Shepards. I love them dearly. In my last few months of university, I had lost all motivation...he brought me tickets to see Little Mix but said I was only allowed them if I got a 1st in my degree. I got my 1st and went to see Little Mix. My dad is a tough love kind of person, which sometimes I hate. But I don't think I would be as strong and ambitious as I am if he wasn't there with his slightly unorthodox parenting. Happy Fathers Day Dad! Please review - Karin x**


	13. Chapter 12 - Monster

He hated English. When he had first gone to live with Bruce, he had been able to speak it. But until that point in his life it hadn't been a language he had used much. He spoke Romani with his parents and mostly French with the other members of the circus. English was a tricky language. Nothing really made sense, there were so many rules to follow, but then so many words that broke those rules. He had lived in America for a little over half his life, he had speaking English down to a fine art, to the point you could only really hear his accent when you listened for it. But writing the damn language was another matter.

Dick glared at the laptop he was working on. He was currently writing an essay, or rather, was trying to write an essay. The words wouldn't come. He had never been very good at expressing himself in English. It was one of the reasons he and Bruce got on so well; not only could the man speak so many other languages, but they rarely even needed to talk to be able to communicate with each other. That was why Bruce knew him so well.

Correction. Used to know him.

Dick sighed at the thought and tried to concentrate on his work again. He was meant to be writing a descriptive piece about a photo at the top of the assignment. It was a picture of Adolf Hitler, walking hand and hand through a garden with a little girl. The point of the assignment was to describe how the image made you feel. Dick found the image disturbing, but he couldn't express why. It made his skin crawl and his teeth grind, but the motivation behind these bodily reactions was unknown. He couldn't bring it to words.

With a sigh, Dick shut the laptop and carried it towards the door. As his hand rested on the door handle, he realised Slade was talking. Then there was a pause and Slade spoke again. He was probably on the phone, Dick thought, opening the door and heading down the short corridor to the kitchen space. He could still hear Slade talking, but figured he would sit and wait for the man to finish his conversation. He knew the man wouldn't mind. When he had to take calls which he didn't want Dick to hear, he always went outside. The fact he was stood in the kitchen meant he didn't mind if he was overheard.

But as Dick rounded the corner, he stopped in surprise. Slade was not on the phone, there was someone else in the room with him. They both stopped and looked at him as he entered.

The newcomer looked to Slade and used his hands to sign.

**Is this him?**

Slade looked agitated. 'Yes, this is Dick. Dick, this is Joey. My son.'

Joey was a young man of around 21, his blonde hair was cut short against his head and his eyes were the same piercing grey as his fathers. But unlike Slade, Joey had a kind face. He waved at Dick and the younger awkwardly waved back.

'Hi.' Dick said, shifting from one foot to the other.

**I thought you said he was sixteen? He's tiny – **Joey signed.

'I am sixteen.' Dick huffed. Both men looked at him in surprise.

'You understand sign language?' said Slade, he was impressed.

'Of course, it comes in handy when you don't want to be heard.' Dick looked over at the blonde, he wondered why Joey was using it. Was he deaf?

Almost as though reading his mind, Joey smiled and pulled down his turtle neck to reveal a brutal but old scar across his neck.

**Had my throat slit when I was a kid. Completely mute – **He explained.

Dick couldn't help the look of shock that spread over his face upon seeing the scar. But he relaxed a little when he saw the grin on Joey's face; he also saw Slade roll his eyes.

'What is the point of wearing high collars, if you're going to show it off anyway?' he asked with a fake sternness.

Joey shrugged. **What? The kid was curious, I could tell – **He signed, grinning his friendly smile towards the younger.

'Joseph picked up on the fact the base was active. Decided to see what was going on.' Slade explained, not trying to hide the fact he wasn't happy about his son's appearance. 'But I'll admit you've arrived at an opportune time. I need to go out to meet someone, I can't leave Dick alone.'

Joey gave the older man a look of curiosity. Dick gave him a look of horror.

'You're leaving?' He asked.

'I won't be long.' Slade frowned, he could see the panic in the boys' body language. His shoulders had tensed, his eyes wild and his grip on the laptop had turned his knuckles white. 'Dick?'

'Please, don't leave me here.' The boy said quietly.

'I won't be long Dick, but I'm afraid it's important and I can't take you with me.' Slade said with a kindness that made Joey raise his eyebrows. 'Explain to me what's wrong Dick.' Slade guided the boy to a chair, he could already see the panic attack was building.

Dick mumbled something whilst looking down at the floor.

'What?' said Slade.

'Bruce left me,' Dick said a little louder. 'with him.'

The puzzle piece fits into place and Slade understood. And as much as he hated seeing Dick this afraid, he was glad of the reaction. When he had first met the boy, Dick had cared so little about his life he had turned his back on him, despite Deathstroke being a known enemy. Although it was evident, Dick's anxiety was great, the fact that it was there meant he was feeling emotion. He was no longer numb.

Crouched on his knees in front of the teenager, Slade went into full parenting mode, just as he had once done with his boys.

'Dick look at me.'

After a moment's hesitation, Dick's watery but still brilliant blue eyes looked up at him under his eyelashes.

'Dick, I would never leave you alone with anyone who I thought could hurt you. Now, I trust Joey with my life. I promise it's all going to be okay.'

Dick watched the man's face as he said each word. They sounded so sincere and when he glanced over at Joey, the young man's kind smile made his nerves settle. He nodded, and Slade squeezed his shoulder gently, both of them noting silently how Dick hadn't flinched.

'Did you need something?' Slade asked as he stood up. He pointed to the laptop.

'Oh,' said Dick, looking embarrassed. 'I'm stuck on an assignment.'

'Subject?'

'English.' Dick explained the assignment and Slade looked blank. He turned to his son.

'I think this is more your area, you're good with words.'

Joey shrugged but went and sat at the table next to Dick. The younger tensed slightly as the newcomer sat down. Joey noticed this, and so didn't get any closer to him, but he didn't move away either.

**Show me the picture – **He signed.

Dick opened the laptop and showed the other man the assignment. Joey considered the photo and read the instructions for himself, he then turned his whole body to look at Dick.

**So? How does it make you feel?**

'I don't know.' Dick practically whined. 'Well, I do. I just don't know how to describe it. English is just so…inexpressive.'

Joey frowned at the boy. **I disagree, English can be very expressive.**

'I've never been able to do it very well.' Dick shrugged. 'Most other languages, I'm fine. But I think I learnt English in too much of a rush to really appreciate it.' After his parent's death, he had spent a few months in a detention centre while Bruce fought to push the adoption paperwork through. He had needed to learn English quickly in order to survive. To this day, there were aspects of the language he struggled with.

**So, sign it?'**

Dick gave Joey a look of surprise, his eyebrows raising. He hadn't thought of doing that. He thought about it for a few moments and then moved his hands in slow but confident motions.

_**It's too normal. – **_Dick signed.

**Why?**

_**He's… - **_Dick paused and thought about what he wanted to say. – _**Human. Just human. It's uncomfortable.**_

Joey slowly nodded, showing that he got what Dick was trying to say. He sat forward and rested his elbows on his knees and his chin against his knuckles. In this posture, he reminded Dick a lot of Slade. After a few minutes of thought, Joey's hands began to move again.

**Maybe, it's uncomfortable because it's too relatable. You know who this man is, you know what he did – we call him a monster. But, despite everything he did, he was human. He was a man who thought he was doing what was best. **

Dick's blue eyes followed the hand movements and pursed his lips. Joey had hit the nail on the head. To see someone the world considered as evil, holding hands with a child – an embodiment of innocence. It looked wrong. But at the end of the day, Hitler was just a man. He wasn't a creature of darkness.

**By calling him a monster, we can separate ourselves from what he did. But in reality…**

'We're all human. We are all capable of doing evil.' Said Dick. He frowned and looked down at his hands. He had done the same with Bane. He had considered the man a monster, turned him into a creature of evil. But in truth, Bane was just a man. So, what separated him from Dick himself?

'Our choices.' Dick answered aloud. 'Our choices are what define us. The picture, it shows that we all have the potential to be either good or evil. It is our choices that create us.'

Joey smiled – **Now, that was pretty expressive. **He pulled his chair a little closer to Dick's and together they pieced together how to put the answer down on paper.

Slade watched them work. He watched as Dick's posture relaxed around Joseph until the boy had completely dropped his walls. He knew Dick would get on with Joey. Most people did. Unlike himself and Grant, Joey was a gentle soul. He lived for poetry and music and he loved people. Had it not been for Deathstroke, Joey probably would have lived a beautifully normal life. But just like Dick, that option had been stripped away from him in a single blood-filled night.

Deciding that the two boys would be fine. Slade slipped out of the base. He had a meeting to get too.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

'I did wonder whether you would bring the cowl.' Slade quipped as he approached the man in the shadows who was leant against his car.

'I wondered the same about your mask.' Bruce said curtly. 'Thank you for meeting me.'

'Thank you for not bringing Batman.'

When Bruce had asked him to meet, Slade had to admit he had been apprehensive. All of his past experiences had screamed at him that it was a trap. But for Dick's sake, he had ignored his instincts.

'Where's Dick?' Bruce asked, but with none of the animosity that had been in his voice the last time he had asked that question.

'He's with my son.' Slade answered truthfully.

'I heard about your eldest.' Bruce said gently. 'I'm sorry.'

Slade shrugged, despite the stabbing pain in his heart. 'Nothing that can be done now.' He said.

'But there is something to be done for Dick?'

'I think so, yes.'

'I've seen his school reports. How did you get him to complete them so well?' Bruce asked, genuinely curious.

'I found the best tactic with your son is blunt honesty.' Slade said with another shrug. 'What grade did he get?'

'Straight A's.' said Bruce, a hint of pride in his voice. 'He hasn't done that since…well, since before it all happened.' Bruce's forehead creased into a frown. This all felt so wrong, to be stood here in the dark of the night with a man he had spent the best part of a decade fighting. But this man was getting through to Dick in a way he hadn't been able to. For Dick's well-being, he knew he had to put his feelings aside.

'I will admit I am conflicted about whether to trust you.' He admitted.

Slade nodded, understanding and accepting the other man's feelings. But he reached into his jacket pocket and brought out a phone. He typed on the glowing surface for a few moments and then showed the phone to Bruce. On the screen was a video of Dick. The boy was clinging to a rock face, reaching out for his next ledge, but he couldn't quite reach.

'I can't.' Dick's voice resonated from the phone.

'Yes, you can. Have a little faith in yourself boy.' The next voice, Bruce recognised as Slade's.

After a moment's hesitation, Dick jumped for the ledge, grasped it and pulled himself higher up the cliff.

'There you go!'

Bruce watched the footage as Dick looked down with a small smile on his face. It wasn't as bright as it had once been, but it was the first smile Bruce had seen on his son's face in nearly a year.

'I meant what I said, Mr Wayne.' Said Slade, putting the phone back in his pocket. 'To put our grievances aside. I want to help Richard. If you will let me?'

Looking the man in the eye, Bruce saw the sincerity behind his words. He hoped he wouldn't live to regret it. But he decided he was going to trust Slade Wilson.

'What do you think he needs?'

'Time. He is clearly traumatised by what happened. We just need to work through his fear. One step at a time. Just as we did with his sleep paralysis and his school work.'

'You sound certain.'

'I've had training. After what happened to Grant, I wanted to be more prepared.'

Bruce sighed and crossed his arms over his chest.

'I thought I was doing what was best for him when I put him on medication. But it seems to have just aggravated the problem further down the line.' He confided. 'Dick is so angry with me. He has every reason to be, I let him down. But it doesn't make it any easier.'

Slade made a mental note of this. He had picked up on some of Dick's hostility towards his adopted father. This was something that would need to be addressed later on. But for now, he reassured the other man that, with time, his son would recover.

'Please keep me updated.' Bruce said before they parted ways the man behind the Batman turned back to the mercenary. 'And Wilson…thank you.'

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

It was late by the time Slade let himself back into the base. After leaving Bruce Wayne, he had spent a few hours making sure he was not followed back to the haunt. As he entered the underground living space, he found it empty. The laptop Dick used for his school work was on the table in the kitchen and there were plates drying by the sink. The only light source in the living quarters was coming from under the bedroom door.

Slade quietly headed towards the door and gently eased it open.

Joey was led on his bed, a book in his hands. He looked up over the pages as the older man entered. The young man quickly raised a finger to his silent lips and then pointed to the other bed.  
Slade followed his gaze and saw Dick curled up and deep in sleep. He had his back pressed against the far wall and his arms curled around himself, which told Slade that the boy didn't completely trust Joey. But the fact he was asleep told him, he was comfortable and unafraid.

Joey carefully lifted himself from Slade's bed and followed his father out of the room.

**Interesting kid – **Joey signed. **He went a bit quiet after he realised you were gone. But he was alright after a while. Didn't want to be alone though. He only agreed to go to bed when I said I'd sit and read in the same room.**

'Yes, Dick is a troubled young boy.' Slade mused.

**Clearly. Why didn't you want to leave him here alone? – **It was something that had been playing on Joey's mind all evening. Dick was clearly not a prisoner or a captive. Yet, his father didn't trust him to be in the base without another person present.

'Dick's mind is fragile. A few weeks ago, he tried to end his own life.'

Joey's face dropped.

**Is that why he's here? – **The young man signed, his hands a little tenser than they had been. **It's not going to bring Grant back, Dad.**

'I know that. But I wasn't able to help Grant, just like Dick's father hasn't been able to help him. This time, I know what I am facing.'

Joey glared at him for a moment but then sighed.

**I can't even be angry at you – **He signed. He wanted to be angry, just as he had been angry when Grant had first taken his life. He had blamed Slade for so long. **But I can't because Dick is such a great kid. The thought of him hurting himself makes me feel sick.**

Slade reached forward and gripped his son's shoulder. Hoping to convey the message, that he too felt the same.

'It's late. Stay here and get some sleep.' He nodded his head in the direction of the bedroom. 'Dick suffers from sleep paralysis too. Can you handle him if he wakes up?'

Joey nodded, suppressing a yawn. **After ten years of facing my own sleep demons, I have it down to a fine art. Night Dad.**

Joey let himself back into the room and climbed into his father's bed. He looked over at the sleeping teen. Dick was still deep in sleep, but there was a slight grimace on his brow. His dreams not completely pleasant. With a final sigh, Joey switched off the light and finally fell into slumber.

**A/N: It is so weird writing Joey again. If you've read my story 'Jericho', you'll understand why lol! But, Dick and Joey's relationship will not be like that in this story. if you've never read Jericho, the don't worry :) - Hope you enjoyed this chapter - please review. Karin x**


	14. Chapter 13 - Beyond the Numbness

A month. That's how long he had been in Slade's care. When he had first come to be with the man, he had been numb. Uncaring about whether he lived or died. But now, the numbness was fading. He wasn't sure what Slade was doing, but piece by piece his mind had been returning. But beyond the numbness was pain, and day by day, he was becoming more aware of it.

Joey had been dropping by every few days. Dick liked Joey, he was an interesting man, and he seemed to have taken an interest in the younger boy. He would sit and help him with his studies and they would talk through sign language for hours. Dick liked it when Joey stopped by, the son of Deathstroke allowed him to forget everything for a little while. He was the one person in the world who didn't seem to know his secret.

But these moments of distraction were few and far between. He was growing more tearful and he found himself holding the tears back to the point that his throat and chest burned. There was rarely any real cause for the tears, which made him feel childish and stupid. He would just get caught up in his own thoughts and the next thing he knew, his eyes were welling up. But worse than the tears were the new-found anxieties of being alone. He couldn't explain it, but unless he was distracted by Joey, he felt a need to be in the same space as Slade. Even if the man simply went to the next room, Dick found his heart beating faster with panic.

He felt like he had taken a million steps backwards and worried that everyone would be disappointed in him. What would happen if Slade thought he couldn't help him anymore? Would he send him back to Bruce to be put on medication? What if Bruce didn't think he could handle him? After the incident with the train, what if Bruce had him sectioned!

These thoughts were rolling around inside his head and he found himself just staring at the screen in front of him. He couldn't concentrate.

A knocking sound from his side made him jump. But he relaxed when he saw it was just Joey. The older man was trying to get his attention. He had a look of concern on his face.

**You alright? – **He asked.

Dick nodded and then looked around. He realised Slade was gone. The eldest man had started regularly going to meetings, at least once a week. He would leave Joey with him, which Dick didn't mind. But when he had left for his second meeting, he had said goodbye to Dick and had noticed that the boy had become distressed. The kid hadn't said anything, but his body language betrayed his anxiety. They soon worked out that Dick was always better if Slade just left while he was distracted.

Joey noted the dark circles beneath the boy's eyes. His father had said Dick's sleep was becoming disrupted. Nightmares were beginning to plague his sleeping hours. But the kid looked exhausted.

**You look tired. Time for bed.**

'I'm not a child.' Said Dick, as he stifled a yawn.

**Then don't argue with me.** Joey stretched his arms above his head. He wasn't particularly tired, but he knew Dick wouldn't go alone, so he resigned himself to at least attempting sleep. Half an hour later, he was led in bed, once again reading his book. He looked over and saw that Dick was already asleep. He smiled at him. Slade hadn't told him all the details of what Dick had been through, but he gathered it was something terrible. The poor kid was so genuinely likeable, it killed him a little to see him in pain. Drawing his attention back to his book, he waited for his father to return.

OOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

The more the two met, the more comfortable they became in each other's presence. Bruce rubbed his face wearily.

'How is he?'

'Distressed.' Slade admitted, which gained him a surprised look.

'Why is he distressed? I thought he was doing better?'

'He is.' Slade assured him. 'When I found him, he was suicidal and numb. He's finally started feeling again. Unfortunately, the first layer under the numbness is the anxiety and pain.'

Bruce's brow furrowed.

'He's very anxious.' Slade explained. 'He's having trouble sleeping, he can't concentrate, he's having a lot of separation anxiety.'

Bruce nodded. He remembered Dick having separation anxiety when he had first taken him in after his parents had died. The boy had hated being left alone.

'I want to try something,' Slade continued. 'Have you ever heard of CBD?'

'Cannabis?' Bruce asked.

'Basically, only it's hemp, not marijuana. It's been proved to be very effective with anxiety. My son uses it a lot.' He watches Dick's father's reaction. 'I want to try Dick on it. But only with your consent obviously.'

Bruce shook his head but then nodded. He had tried everything else. He'd heard about CBD, but it had never been something he had before considered.

'Do you think it will work?'

'I think there is only one way to find out. It won't cure him, but it might take the edge off.'

They discussed further matters regarding Dick. The fact that Slade wanted to start sparring with him. Hoping the endorphins of a friendly fight might help him through this rough patch. This too, Bruce agreed to. After about an hour, they both got back into their cars and Slade started the long drive back to Jump.

OOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

_They were on a bridge. There was someone after him. The dark shadow was chasing him. He was screaming for someone to help him. He could see Bruce up ahead. He called out to him, but the man simply turned away. Then he saw the Titans. He called out to them, but they shook their heads._

'_You're disgusting. How could you let a guy do that to you?' Said Cyborg, before they too turned away from him._

_The dark shadow was getting closer. He could see Slade, he shouted the man's name._

'_I thought I could help you.' The man said, 'But you're not worth saving.' He turned away._

_One by one, everyone he had ever loved turned away from him, leaving him to the wrath of the dark shadow. Then there was Wally. His best friend. The first person he had run to after he had been raped. The boy who had held him while he cried, helped him save Bruce, saved him from himself. His heart broke as the redhead looked at him with pity and then turned away._

'_Wally! Please help me!'_

_But no one answered._

'_Relax.' Said the shadow. 'It will hurt more if you struggle.'_

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

The scream had Joey out of bed in seconds. At first, he was disorientated, having fallen asleep at some point whilst reading, but then he noticed Dick withering on the bed next to him. Throwing his book to one side, he shook the boy's shoulders until Dick's eyes flew open. Tears spilt down his eyes and his body shook with fear.

For the first time in many years, Joey wished he could talk. He wished he could comfort the boy, who was in no state to understand his sign language.

He took Dick's hands in his own and the boys head shot up to look at him, fear clear in his eyes.

Joey mimed deep breathing to him, hoping he would understand. Thankfully, he did. He copied the older man, taking in long shaky breaths and then slowly letting them out. His breathing started to become slower, but the tears were only coming faster.

'Wally.' Dick spluttered.

Joey looked at him confused. Who was Wally?

'I…need..to call...Wally.'

Joey nodded – **Do you have your phone?**

'Top…. drawer.'

Getting off the bed, Joey found the phone in the top drawer of the wardrobe. He handed it back to Dick, who unlocked it with shaking hands. He held the phone to his ear, biting his thumbnail on the other hand and bringing his knees up to his chest.

'_Dick? Is that you?'_

Dick didn't say anything, but his eyes closed, and more tears dripped down his face.

'_Dude, are you ok?'_

'Wally…' Dick began, but the tears blocked his words.

'_Did you have a nightmare?'_

At the other teen's words, Dick broke down further. Wally waited patiently for Dick to cry. Finally, the boy spoke again.

'He was after me.' Dick explained the dream. 'I was calling for help but everyone looked away. I'm not worth saving.' More tears.

Joey sat and listened. He wanted nothing more than to wrap the boy in his arms, but he knew now was not the time to interfere.

'_Dick, we would never turn our back on you. I would never turn my back on you. I came to find you, didn't I? Why would I do that if you weren't worth saving? You are worth saving a million times over Dickie Bird. Even right now. Say the word and I will be there in less than a minute to get you.' _He paused, and he listened to Dick hiccup. Hiccups were good, they meant his friend was calming down. '_But from what Bats says, it sounds like your where you need to be right now. How are you doing?'_

Dick thought about the question. He didn't want to lie and say that he was all fine. He clearly was not. But he realised that some things had changed.

'Well…' he sniffed. 'I haven't jumped in front of any more trains.'

He heard Wally chuckle. '_That is good. And how do you feel in yourself?'_

'I don't want to die.' Dick said quietly. 'But everything…it's still too much.'

'_It's going to be for a while Dude. What that man did to you, was horrible. But I think you're finally starting to face up to that. Even from where I'm sat, I can see you're getting better.'_

'Yeh? How?'

'_Dude, you called me! You haven't called me in a year. You've reached out, we've been sat here for the last half hour talking about how you are feeling. Before you were with Slade, you would close off whenever I even tried to ask how you were.'_

Dick suddenly realised he was right. After the nightmare, his first thought had been to speak to Wally. Which had always been the way before Bane's attack. Ever since the age of 13, every time he had a particularly bad nightmare, he would call Wally.

'_Are you alone?'_ Wally asked.

Dick looked over to Joey, almost like he was noticing him for the first time.

'No.'

'_Good. Try and get some sleep. We can talk again tomorrow if you want, but you need to go back to sleep. Ok?'_

Dick nodded and then realised he was on the phone. He agreed, and they said their good nights. He brought the phone away from his ear and turned back to Joey.

**Feel better? – **Joey asked.

Dick nodded, but then looked hesitant. He was tired and knew he should go back to sleep. But the thought of being alone was terrifying.

Joey somehow seemed to understand this. He stood and walked over to him.

**Scoot over.**

Dick moved to the far side of the bed and Joey climbed in. For a little while, Dick led their awkwardly, but soon his exhaustion got the better of him and he started to fall asleep.

It was about an hour later that Slade opened the door to the bedroom quietly, expecting to see the two boys either asleep or reading on the two beds. But what he saw genuinely made him smile.

Both of the boys were on Dick's bed. Joey was asleep, one arm behind his head and the other arm around Dick, who was deep in sleep and curled into Joey's side.

He could guess what had happened, Dick had been having nightmares all week. But right now, the boy looked to be in contented sleep. Co-sleeping wasn't a habit he was going to get into. But he was glad Joey had found a way to let Dick finally get the rest he needed.

Not wanting to wake either of them, he quietly shut the door. Tomorrow, they would start tackling Dick's anxiety.

**A/N I'm not amazingly happy with this chapter, but I need to get it done otherwise I could sit amending it for weeks! I am so glad so many of you are enjoying this story. I am currently studying an 'Understanding teenage mental health' college course. Which has been super helpful in the research for this story. I hope you enjoyed this chapter - please review. FYI it's my birthday tomorrow, so let's see how many reviews I can get for my birthday ;) Karin x**


	15. Chapter 14 - Coping

'You want to drug me?' Dick asked indignantly.

'No, I'm not drugging you.' Slade said with a sigh. He had had a feeling Dick would react like this. 'CBD is made from the hemp plant – it's commonly used to help treat anxiety.'

Dick twitched, although he really shouldn't have been surprised that Slade had picked up on his growing feelings of anxiety. The man knew everything. He glanced at the small bottle in the older man's hand.

'Dick, I'm not going to force you to take it. But it does work, ask Joey.'

Dick looked behind him to the mute man, who smiled and nodded at him. Dick took a moment to consider this. As far as he was aware, Joey had never lied to him (or Slade for that matter). But he was still apprehensive.

'I don't want to feel high?' he said quietly.

'You won't.' said Slade, 'CBD is calming, but it doesn't have the same properties as well…'

**Pot – **Joey signed helpfully.

'Does Bruce know about this?' asked the boy.

'He said it was up to you. At this point, he just wants you to feel better in yourself.'

'Is it that obvious?' asked Dick with a grimace. His anxiety had been slowly getting worse over the course of the last week. His fear of being alone had escalated to full panic attacks, each night his dreams were plagued by night terrors and he awoke screaming.

'Dick, we've peeled away the metaphorical band-aid you had on your trauma for nearly a year. There was always going to be a period of adjustment.' Slade said kindly, 'Your feelings are valid, and we will work through them. But it doesn't mean you have to suffer as much as you are.'

Joey stood and watched the transaction between his father and the boy. Over the last few weeks that he had been getting to know Dick, his father's behaviour was surprising him. Slade had never been an abusive parent, he had adored his children and been incredibly attentive in his own way. But he'd never seem him be this gentle, even with Rose. Joey didn't know the exact details of what had happened to Dick, his father refused to tell him. But he knew the boy had attempted to end his own life…just like his older brother had. When Joey had first discovered that his father had taken in the small teenager, he had been (if only momentarily) furious. But now he could see that this whole process was not only therapy for the disturbed teenager, but for Slade as well.

He watched Dick nod slowly and Slade used the dropper to pour some of the green liquid into the boy's mouth. Despite Dick's initial look of disgust at the bitter taste of the hemp oil, he swallowed it. Joey smiled to himself at his father's current success at helping the boy. Grant would be proud.

'That's disgusting.' Dick said, drinking down a glass of water to rid his mouth of the taste. 'How do you take that?' He looked at Joey.

**I smoke it - **Joey signed, he then reached into his jacket pocket a brought out a small but sleek e-cigarette.

'I don't care how bad it tastes, you're not smoking.' Said Slade sternly. He didn't like the fact his son vaped the liquid, but it was the lesser of two evils when it came to Joey's PTSD. Regarding Dick, it would be up to Bruce to decide which of those two evils he would prefer.

Joey waited until his father's back was turned before he winked at Dick.

**Next time he goes out.**

'I saw that.' Said Slade, although he didn't turn around.

Dick giggled and then looked surprised when he realised, he did feel calm. It wasn't a drug-induced kind of calm that came with sedatives. It was actually a pleasant feeling of natural calm.

'You ready to go?' Slade asked.

'Where are we going today?' Dick asked, slightly apprehensively. As much as he had enjoyed their climbing trip, the moment when he thought he was going to die still played on his mind. Every so often he remembered who this man actually was. At that moment, when Slade had pushed him over the cliff, was one of those instances, and Dick had genuinely thought he was going to die.

'Don't worry, we're not going anywhere high up today.' Slade grinned. 'Grab a hoodie, it's still a bit brisk out there.'

Half an hour later, all three of them were in the car heading to their destination. Slade was driving, Joey in the front seat and Dick in the back, his forehead resting against the window.

They drove out of the city and into a more wooded area. Immediately, Dick's anxiety began to build. By the time they got out of the car, his entire body was tense.

Joey noticed the kid's body posture, as did Slade. They had discussed this plan after Dick had fallen asleep last night. Today, they were going to teach him methods of handling his anxiety.

**Here, put one of these under your tongue - **Joey signed, walking towards the boy and reaching into his pocket. He handed him a small white tablet. Once again Dick looked anxious. **It's CBD, I promise. I take them when I need to calm down quickly.**

It was then that Dick realised both of the men in his company could see his anxiousness. He had to remind himself that he trusted Joey. He took the pill and placed it under his tongue, allowing it to dissolve.

**Do you have your phone and headphones? **

Dick nodded, passing both to the other man. Joey took the phone and began tapping away. While he was tapping, the calm feeling Dick had felt that morning returned. Joey handed him back the phone.

**I've downloaded an audiobook app. Its logged into my account. Add whatever book you want. **– Joey paused when he saw Dick's frown. **If you haven't guessed already, I suffer from a fair bit of anxiety myself. I have PTSD from when my throat was cut.** – He explained. **Audiobooks really help tune out those thoughts in your head.**

Dick blinked. Joey knew about the thoughts in his head. Not only did he know, he understood.

'We're going to hike today.' Said Slade, interjecting for the first time. 'Choose a book, stick your earbuds in and stop thinking for a while.'

The two older men began walking and Dick looked down at his phone, he scrolled through Joey's books while slowly walking behind them.

Joey had a lot of books. All of them with the little "finished" tab next to them. Joey hadn't been kidding, he got through a lot of listening hours. Joey had said he could download a new book if he wished, but he wanted to see if there was one already on here. After a few minutes of scrolling, he came to a title that he'd wanted to read for a few years but had never found the time. He put his earbuds in and selected "Good Omens".

They walked through the forest. It was a bright spring day and the sunlight was filtering in through the canopy of leaves above them. Father and son were ahead of him, talking every now and again. They seemed very comfortable in each other's presence, even when they were both silent. Dick walked steadily behind them, listening to the soft voice of the woman reading the book in his ears. It was a good book and he found his inner voice was distracted by the plot, while his eyes were taking in the beauty of his surroundings. This, combined with the CBD, made him feel the calmest and most at ease he had felt in years. Maybe Dinah had been right, maybe he had been holding onto anxiety since the day his parents had been killed. He couldn't remember the last time he had felt this peaceful.

They walked for around an hour, an even pace that they could all do with ease. Slade glanced back every so often to see Dick walking just behind them; hands in his pockets, his head up and a content look on his face. Every now and again there would be a soft chuckle as something he was listening to amused him.

'You're plan appears to be going well.' Slade said quietly. 'He seems very content.'

Joey nodded and shrugged one of his shoulders. **He deserves to have some peace. **He looked back himself and wondered what the younger boy was listening too.

Their hike continued until they reached a lake with large stones on its banks. Slade came to a stop. 'I think here will do nicely.'

Dick removed his earphones, looking around with curiosity.

'What are we doing here?'

'We are relaxing Richard.' Slade laughed. 'Do you know how to do that?' He winked, and Dick glared.

'When was the last time you just stopped and did nothing, Dick?' Slade asked, heading down towards the rocks. 'Even since you have been with me, you are either studying or exercising.' Upon reaching the water, Slade threw a stick in the water the check the strength of the current. 'Yes, here will do nicely.'

Joey joined him, stripping out of his shirt as he went.

'Current isn't too bad, as long as you don't swim too far down.' Said Slade to him, removing his own shirt. Joey nodded, stripping down to his undershorts. He then dove into the water, re-emerging further away.

Dick hesitated, toying with the wires of his earphones.

'You coming?' Slade shouted. He too was ready to enter the water. His body was muscular and scarred.

Dick shook his head and wrapped his arms around himself.

'At least come and sit on the rocks. You can listen to your book.' Slade offered before he too dove into the water.

Dick waited until Slade resurfaced further out and then made his way slowly down to the largest rock on the bank. Putting his earphones back in, he started playing his book again and sat watching his companions swim. After around a half-hour, Slade came and swam up to the rock. Dick removed his right earbud.

'Take your shoes off.' Said Slade, pushing his wet hair from his face.

Dick clenched his jaw and drew his legs into his chest.

Slade sighed. 'Come on, trust me.'

Despite a little voice in his head telling him to run, Dick removed his sneakers and drew his feet closer to the water. Gently, Slade took hold of his ankles and drew them into the water, holding them there.

'I thought this trick to Joey when he was a kid.' Slade said, looking up at Dick. 'If you ever start to feel overwhelmed, or the anxiety is threatening to take over. Submerge your feet in water.' He gripped his ankles slightly. 'Close your eyes and focus on how it feels, feel your heartbeat slowly. Slow your breathing down.'

Without realising it, Dick had done as the older man had instructed. When he opened his eyes, Slade was smiling at him.

'Calm?'

Dick nodded, smiling back. Although small, it felt natural on his lips.

'I'll leave you to your book.'

Slade swam away, leaving Dick to return to "Good Omens", but he kept his feet in the water, feeling the cools liquid against in skin.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoo

Dick yawned as they made their way back into the base. He was tired but in a pleasant kind of way. The kind of tired you feel after you've reached the end of a really good day.

'Time for bed.' Said Slade, heading to the kitchen. 'Here, take some of this before you go. Let's try and give you a good night's sleep for once.' He collected the bottle of hemp oil from the cupboard.

Although teen grimaced as he remembered the taste, Dick didn't argue and swallowed the contents of the dropper without further complaint. He then went to the bathroom and got ready for bed. As he was brushing his teeth, the effects of the CBD kicked in and he knew it wouldn't be long before he was asleep.

He left the bathroom and went straight to his bed, as predicted the moment his head hit the pillow, he was asleep, without a moment to consider the fact he was alone.

Slade entered the room and looked down at the sleeping teen. He drew the covers over Dick's shoulder and brushed a stray lock of hair from his face.

'Goodnight Dick.' He then climbed into bed, thankful that Joey had decided to go home for the night and closed his eyes.

That night, for the first time in nearly a fortnight, Dick slept through the night with pleasant dreams.

**A/N: Sorry it has been a while. The summer months are always super busy for me, it's almost like a come out of hibernation from the winter! Hope you are all having a lovely summer so far. Here is another chapter. For anyone who is wondering, these are all legit ways of coping with anxiety that I use myself. (Yes, I smoke CBD - I am a huge believer in this stuff!) Any questions or curiosities, please feel free to PM me :) - Karin x**


	16. Chapter 15 - Anger Management

'Come on Dick, up and at 'em,'

The covers were pulled off his body and Dick curled himself into a tighter ball.

'5 more minutes.' He whined, burying his face in the pillow.

'No, now.' Said Slade, switching on the light. 'Get dressed, were training today.'

'Training?' Dick asks sleepily. 'You mean sparring?'

Joey suddenly appeared in the doorway.

**You're going down! ** – He signed animatedly, before winking and leaving the room.

Dick uncurled himself and stretched, his joints popping audibly.

'That sounded like it hurt.' Slade commented, waiting in the doorway until he was sure the boy was going to get out of bed.

'Not really.' Said Dick, finally standing up. 'Wally calls them my dancer's joints.' He had said the words before he had really thought about it.

'Do you dance?' Slade asked eyebrow raised.

'No.' said Dick. 'Gymnastics was always more my thing.'

'Shame.' Slade's words surprised him. 'You probably would be good at it.'

'Oh, I am.' Said Dick, making the bed. When he turned around Slade once again had his eyebrow raised in amusement. 'I said I didn't dance, not that I couldn't.' He said with a grin.

'You are full of surprises.' Slade commented as Dick walked past him. They both made their way out of the room; Joey was practically bouncing on his heels.

'Why are you so excited?' asked Dick.

**Are you kidding me? – **Joey signed. **You're The Robin! I'm looking forward to seeing what you've got!**

For some reason, Joey's words hit a nerve. Dick's smile dropped, and he headed to the bathroom. Slade hit his son upside the head.

'For someone raised by an assassin, you have no sense of tact or timing.'

Once in the bathroom, Dick quietly locked and door and then sat on the toilet seat. He sat there quietly for a few moments. He had always known that dividing his personality in two wasn't healthy. Even from the age of ten, when he first realised Dick Grayson and Robin were practically two different people. But the separation had helped hin cope…especially recently. Joey wanted to see what Robin could do in a sparring match, but there was just one problem…he wasn't Robin. Not right now.

He wasn't even sure he could change to think like Robin right now, his mind was still so broken. The moment he had turned his back on Slade in the car, the night he had walked in front of the train, Robin had taken a back seat.

'Dick, are you alright?' The knock on the door told him he had been sat thinking for longer than he had intended. 'Dick?' The voice sounded even more concerned.

'Yeh, I'll be right there.' He called, hoping Slade would go away. The knocking stopped, but there were no retreating footsteps, so he knew the older man was still outside the door, waiting.

Forcing himself to stand back up, he got himself ready. Pulling on some sweats and a baggy hoodie, that Joey had lent him. When he opened the door, Slade was frowning.

'Are you ok?' he asked. Dick nodded but Slade didn't look convinced. He opened both of his palms as though he wanted Dick to give him something.

'What?' asked Dick, confused.

'Arms.' Slade said sternly.

Dick rolled his eyes and sighed as he rolled up his long sleeves and placed both his arms in Slade's hands. The man gently but firmly, turned both of the arms over, looking for new cuts.

Joey watched the interaction from behind his father. He saw the lines of scars going up Dick's forearms. He had seen scars like that before, on Grant's arms. His chest hurt thinking about it.

Dick's chest felt tight too, but his was from disappointment. Slade kept telling him he was doing so much better, to the point that he had almost started to believe him. But clearly, Slade still thought he was a danger to himself.

Slade seemed to sense Dick's emotions because he smiled and gripped the boy's arms.

'Don't look like that Dick. You've not failed. I'll admit I was worried when you were in there for so long. But look,' he indicated down to his forearms. 'You proved my worries wrong. You didn't self-harm.'

'I promised I wouldn't.' Dick said, barely above a whisper. He could remember the evening, almost four years ago after this final and worst session of cutting. After Alfred had stopped the bleeding and bandaged his arms, Bruce had held him. Dick had literally been sat on his father's lap, his face pressed into his chest. Dick had been numb, but he could hear the fear in Bruce's voice as he had begged him not to do it again. Dick had promised and true to his word, he hadn't held a blade against his flesh since – no matter how much he had wanted too. Even after the incident with Bane, and the anger he felt towards Bruce, he never went back on his word.

'Come on.' Said Slade, bringing Dick away from his deep thinking. 'Let's get you moving.'

They headed up above ground into the training area Slade had created in the warehouse. After doing some warm-ups, Dick seemed a little more settled.

'Right, we're going to play a game.' Said Slade, a slightly evil grin on his lips. 'The rules are simple. I want you to get past me and get to Joey before the timer runs out.'

'That it?' said Dick, that didn't seem too hard.

'I want you to endeavour to get to Joey, as though his life is depending on you getting to him as soon as possible. Do you understand?'

Dick nodded. Get past Slade, get to Joey. Piece of cake.

Within a few minutes of the spar beginning however, it was clear that this was not going to be as easy as he had thought. After a few attempts at getting past the older man, Dick found himself flat on his back.

'Come on Dick, fighter harder. Joey needs you.' Slade said flatly. They began again, Dick trying a different tactic and attempting to go over Slade. He flipped, trying to use Slade as a springboard. Slade seemed to anticipate this; he grabbed the boy's leg and soon he was on his back again, this time slightly winded from the impact.

New tactic – this time Dick attempted to attack rather than simply get passed him. But Slade was stronger, faster, smarter…better. Every attempt Dick made to get to Joey was thwarted by Slade. But he kept trying, right up until Slade threw him to the ground once again and a shrill bell sounded through the room.

Dick slammed his fist against the floor in frustration. He knew it. Without Robin, he was useless. And Robin had deserted him.

'You're determined I will give you that.' Said Slade, barely out of breath. 'Most people wouldn't have gotten up after the second hit.' It was meant as a compliment, but Slade could see the boy was disappointed with himself.

'Now, swap places with Joey. Same rules apply, only this time he has to try and get to you.'

Dick watched the same scene carried out between father and son as it had when he had been fighting. Joey was a skilled fighter (maybe not as skilled as Robin, but he was impressive) but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get passed his father. Finally, the bell sounded again.

Joey sat on the floor, exhausted.

'Now,' said Slade, walking over to Dick. 'Are you angry at Joey?'

The question took the boy by surprise. Why would he be angry at Joey?

'Why not? He failed to get to you.'

'That wasn't his fault. You're really skilled. I doubt even Robin would be able to get past you.'

Slade chose to ignore the way Dick separated himself from Robin…for the moment.

'So, what are you saying?' Slade promoted.

'The fight wasn't fair.'

'So, the fight wasn't even. But why aren't you angry? He didn't get to you in time.'

Dick looked at the older man in disbelief. 'He tried. He kept trying, he didn't give up. He…' And then it clicked. He suddenly understood what Slade was trying to do. What he was trying to make him realise. 'Bruce didn't stop trying. He didn't want to leave me, he just couldn't fight his way pasted the opposition.'

Slade nodded slowly, watching the boy's facial expressions. After confusion had come realisation, this was slowly turning to relief. The boy took a deep breath and looked up at him with the first glimmer of hope Slade had ever really seen in him.

'I want to call my Dad.' He said.

'We'll give you some space.' Slade said.

Dick turned and practically ran back down into the base. Joey joined his father at his side.

**It's actually scary how good you are at this therapy stuff – **he signed.

'Want to hear something funny.' Slade said although it didn't sound like it was going to be funny. 'I was heading out to visit Grant's grave when I came across Dick running. I knew instantly who he was, I could also tell something was wrong. That's why I followed him.' He took a breath then chuckled. 'I could have easily ignored him, or not even noticed him. But I did, and something was telling me to check it out. It was almost like I was meant to find Dick when I did.'

**I didn't think you believed in fate **– Joey had never seen his father this pensive, even after Grant's death.

'I don't. That's why it's funny.'

oOoOoOoOoOoOOoOoOoOo

Dick's hands were shaking as a held the phone to his ear.

'_Dick?'_ The voice on the other end sounded unsure.

'Hi, Bruce.' Dick said, equally as unsure.

'_Are you alright Chum?'_

'Yeh, I'm fine. I just…I wanted to call…I wanted to say…I'm sorry.' Dick cursed himself to bumbling over his words and sounding so stupid.

'_What are you sorry for Dickie?'_

'For being angry with you. For pulling away.'

Bruce sighed. '_You had every right to be angry Dick. I'm sorry I could save you from the awful things he did to you.'_

'It wasn't your fault. I know that now. I know you wouldn't have willingly left me with him. I know if you'd been able to too, you would have stopped him…' He almost choked the words down, but he remembered what Slade had said about repressing what had happened. 'I was raped. And it was awful. But it wasn't your fault.'

They talked for a couple of hours, Dick catching Bruce up with how he was feeling and Bruce letting him know what the team had been doing as well as the Titans.

'_It sounds like you are doing so much better Dickie. I'm so proud of you.'_ Bruce's voice was filled with pride and it brought tears to Dick's eyes.

'I want to come home.' He said. There was a pause on the other end of the phone. 'Dad?'

'_Something happened in Gotham Dick. It's not safe here at the moment. I think it's best if you stay where you are. Just for now.'_

Bruce's voice was tense.

'What's happened?'

'_You don't need to worry about it. Just stay where you are. Once I've got everything sorted, I'll come and bring you home. Alright, Dickie?'_

Dick agreed reluctantly. '_I love you, Dickie.'_

'I know.' Dick said, his heart and head filled with confusion. The line went dead, and Dick started at the phone for a while. What was happening in Gotham, what was Bruce hiding from him?

**A/N: Sorry for the delay. Hope it was worth the wait! Any guesses what is currently happening in Gotham? Let me know in the reviews! As always, if this story is triggering your own mental health, please stop reading. I do have happier stories (Parental Bat Moments is feel good). Hope you are all keeping well my lovely readers. Karin xx**


	17. Chapter 16 - Mania

When Dick left the bathroom an hour later, he was still confused. A little over a month ago, Bruce had been begging him to come home. Now he finally wanted to, Bruce was telling him to stay put. What could be happening in Gotham that would make Bruce not want him in the way?

He slumped in his seat, his hair still a little damp from his shower, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt.

'Everything alright Dick?' asked Slade, who was sat on the other side of the table looking at his computer.

'Yeh…I guess.'

'Did you talk with your father?' Slade can see the boy's mood has depleted since he saw him a couple of hours previously.

'Yeh.' Dick wasn't sure he wanted to share with Slade details about the conversation. As much as he wanted to go home, he didn't want the other man to think he wasn't grateful for everything he has done.

As if to save him from explaining, Joey walked back in, phone in hand and a frown on his face.

'What?' asks Slade, sensing his son's foul mood.

**The drug-dealing Mexican tosser is out. – **Joey signs. **I expect he will be wanting to get in touch soon.**

Slade groaned. 'Great,' he said. 'Bane is always more trouble than he's worth.'

**He'll either be wanting papers to disappear for a while or weapons to fight back. Either way, he's going to be pissed when he can't get hold of you.**

Slade turned away from his son's hands to glance at Dick. But he didn't expect what he saw. Dick had gone white. His eyes were wide, unfocused. He was barely breathing.

'Dick?' Slade got up and slowly approached the boy. 'Dick?' The boy was staring straight ahead, Slade could tell that wherever his mind was…it wasn't in the room with them. Slade reached out and gently touched Dick's shoulder. The second his hand made contact with his skin, Dick screamed and pushed himself backwards, falling off the chair and scrambling away.

His breathing was coming in pants now, his body shaking violently. His hands were gripped tightly into fists and Slade could see blood pooling through his fingers.

'Dick stop, you're hurting yourself.' Slade came forward but when he was too close Dick started to lash out. In an instant, Slade managed to manoeuvre himself behind the boy, wrapped his arms around him and gripped him tightly. But Dick started to thrash.

**What the hell? -**Joey signed in front of them both.

'He's having an episode of mania. Something's set off his PTSD. I think he's having a flash back.' Slade grunted as Dick fought against him. The boy was strong, and he was scared. Dick was literally thrashing in his arms as though his life depended on escaping. 'We just have to wait for him to tire himself out.'

But then Slade felt something that made him freeze. Beneath his hand that was holding onto Dick's wrist, he felt the bone begin to crack.

'Shit.' If Dick kept fighting, he was going to break his arm. 'Joey, back of the third cupboard, there is a small blue box. Bring it.'

Joey ran to the cupboard and brought the box back to where his father was holding the screaming teen. He opened the box and found a syringe and a vile of clear liquid. He looked up at his father, his eyes asking him whether he was sure.

'We need to calm him down. His heart his beating way to fast and he's a danger to himself and potentially us. Do it, Joseph.'

Joey filled the syringe and waited for Slade to shift Dick in his arms so that he could hold the boy's arm as still as possible. When he lifted the sleeve of Dick's shirt, the boy screamed for him to stop and tears started to fall from his wide blue eyes. When the limb was as still as it was going to get, Joey reluctantly inserted the needle into his friend's flesh and pushed the plunger. Almost instantly, the boy's fight began to fade.

Slade held and rocked him, softly trying to comfort him.

'It's alright Dick, you're safe. He can't hurt you. We won't let him hurt you.' He remained sat on the ground, holding the broken teenager, until finally, he went completely limp in his arms.

**That was scary – **Joey signed. He too remained sat on the floor, watching as the youngest of them slept in Slade's arms.

'Something must have triggered him. He seemed unhappy after his call with Wayne. I don't know what else…' Slade stopped, realisation dawning on him. Dear God, it couldn't be true. Dick had always refused to disclose his rapist. Simply saying the man was locked up. There had been nothing in the news about Richard Grayson being attacked. But it wasn't surprising that Bruce Wayne had kept his son protected from the media.

But something else Dick had said sprang to mind. He had said that they had worked to separate himself from Bruce. There had been news regarding Bruce Wayne a little over a year ago. Poison Ivy had almost tricked the man into marrying her. The papers had made a point to note that Dick hadn't been at the scene. But someone else had been. Someone who had just escaped from Arkham.

Slade forced himself to hold down his anger. First, he would see to Dick, then he would address the situation.

He felt along the bone of Dick's wrist. Without an x-ray, he couldn't be sure. But his experience told him that Dick had suffered a hairline fracture during the struggle.

He lifted himself and Dick off the floor and carried the teen into the bedroom. Carefully lowering him down onto the bed.

'Watch him, 'He said to Joey. 'I need to make a call.'

Joey sat on the end of the bed, still in mild shock from what had just happened. He'd been on the other end of a manic episode. He knew what it felt like, to suddenly be back in a terrifying memory. He knew how scared Dick must have been, how helpless he must have felt. He looked down at the raven-haired boy. He had always been curious about what had happened to Dick, but now he needed to know.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

When Bruce Wayne answered the phone, he sounded stressed.

'It was Bane wasn't it.' Slade said. 'He was the one who hurt Dick.'

There was a short pause, then Bruce answered bluntly.

'_Yes_.'

'And now he's out.'

'_I have it under control_.' Said Bruce, although there was a difference in his voice. Slade rationalised, he was likely talking more to Batman than the man behind the mask. '_As long as Dick stays away from Gotham, he will be safe_.'

'That's the problem. When Bane needs weapons or an escape route, he comes to me.' Slade explains. 'If he can't contact me, he will come looking for me. Dick isn't safe here anymore.'

'_Are you able to take him out of the city? I can arrange for Superman to meet you and take Dick somewhere safe.' _After a brief pause, he added. '_You have my word that he will let you leave.'_

'Dick had an episode,' Slade admits. 'I had to sedate him. I don't want to transport him while he's like this, there is no guarantee he won't wake back up and lash out in confusion.'

He can practically hear the other man run his hand through his hair, trying to remain calm. As he was already stressed, Slade decided he might as well inform him about his son's broken arm as well.

'I also need to splint his wrist. I think he suffered a hairline fracture while we were trying to restrain him.'

'_What triggered the episode?'_

'He found out Bane was loose. He's terrified of him. Which considering everything the bastard did to him, it's not surprising.'

'_Patch him up as best you can. I'll send you the co-ordinates. When you feel it is safe to move him, Superman will meet you there.'_

'I'll get him there.' They hung up the phone and Slade went back into the bedroom. Neither of the younger males had moved.

Taking the first aid kit down from the cupboard, Slade sat on the floor beside Dick's bed and examined his wrist again. It was starting to bruise and swell. He applied cooling gel to the area and cleaned the cuts on both his palms. He then carefully bandaged the broken wrist with a temporary splint. It would do until the kid was in the Leagues care.

He felt a tap on his shoulder, he turned to look at Joey.

**What's going on?**

'The man who hurt Dick is free. We need to take him to the League.'

Joey instantly made the connection – **Bane? What did he do to him?**

Slade gave his son a pained look. Joey shook his head in disbelief. No, Dick was a kid. Anger flared in the young man's chest. He remembered how Dick had screamed and cried when Slade had pulled at his shirt. Now it all made sense. Joey felt sick.

'When he comes around, we're going to take him away from here. This is an old haunt, it's only a matter of time before Bane comes here. If he sees Dick…' It didn't bare thinking about.

They sat in silence for a long while, both of them unsure what to do or say. Slade's phone buzzed, he looked at it to find the co-ordinates from Wayne. Now they just needed Dick to wake up.

His phone buzzed again, but it wasn't Wayne. It was a withheld number.

'Shit.' Slade got to his feet and left the room before he answered the call.

'Yes.' He said.

'_Wilson. You've disappeared off the face of the earth.' _The heavily accented voice of Bane greeted him. Slade tried to keep his voice steady. He thought he would have more time!

'I've been busy. What do you want?'

'_I too need to disappear, mi amigo. But I have a score to settle first.'_

'Let me guess, the Batman?'

'_Not quite. It was his little side kick that had me locked back in Arkham. My score is with him. You see…' _Bane's next words made Slade's jaw clench. '_I know who is behind the Boy Wonders mask.'_

'I'm sure you have an interesting theory on that. But as I said, I'm busy.' As expected, Bane wasn't going to let the topic lie that easily.

'_Do not play with me mercenario. You will lose.' _The phone went silent. Slade had to resist the urge to throw his own to the other side of the room. Instead, he went back into the bedroom.

'We need to get him out of here. Now!'

**A/N In true Karin fashion, I don't update for over a month, then I update twice in as many days! I can't promise how long this streak will last, but I am determined to finish this story soon! Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please review - Karin x**


	18. Chapter 17 - Escape

Hurrying back into the room, Slade grabbed a spare blanket from the cupboard and brought it over to Dick.

'I need you to get him to the League.' Slade said, glancing over at Joey.

**But won't they arrest me? – **He signed. **I'm not you, but I'm not very innocent.**

Slade shook his head. 'Wayne gave his word that you would be able to walk away.'

**You're not coming?**

'I'm going to make sure Bane is nowhere near the drop-off.' He began moving Dick into a sitting position, but the young boy started to stir.

'Dick? Can you hear me?'

Bright blue eyes opened sluggishly, he looked up at Slade and frowned.

'You…drugged me.' He mumbled.

'I know. I'm sorry, but I always said I would if I didn't think I could restrain you. Do you remember me saying that?' Slade said gently.

Dick stared at nothing for a while, deep in concentration. Then his face relaxed and he nodded.

'Do you remember what happened?'

Again, the look of concentration came on his face, then he shook his head.

'We're going to take you to the Justice League, Dick.' Slade said slowly, making sure the kid understood. 'They will take you home.'

'When?'

'Now. I'll carry you to the car and Joey is going to take you.'

'Why?' Even half-conscious the boy wasn't stupid, he could sense something was wrong.

'Remember when we met, we agreed to leave Deathstroke and Robin at the door?'

Again, the boy nodded.

'Well, those parts of our lives have caught up to us. We need to get you out of here before they cross paths.' He wrapped the blanket around Dick, careful not to jostle his injured arm. When the blanket was carefully pulled around his small form, Slade informed him he was going to pick him up. Dick nodded, and Slade wound his arms under the boy's legs and around his back, lifting from the bed.

Dick rested his head on the older man's shoulder, slowly drifting back into sleep. They walked up to the warehouse and then out the back door to where they kept the cars. Joey ran ahead and opened the passenger door and Slade lowered the boy down onto the seat. Dick watched the man's face, as he reached the seat belt around him and strapped him in.

'You look angry.' said Dick, still sounding a little dreamy.

'I am.'

Dick's sleepy expression became a little alarmed.

'Not at you, Dick.' He tried to relax his face, to reassure him. 'You'll be home soon.'

'What about you?' Dick's frown seems so genuinely concerned.

'Don't worry about me. I've got some business to attend too.' He looked down at the boy he had been taking care of for nearly two months. He ruffled his messy black hair slightly. 'You'll be alright Dickie, just remember everything we taught you.'

The use of his father's nickname made Dick relax further into the seat, and Slade carefully shut the door. He turned to his son.

'Take care of him but don't put yourself at risk.' He told the young man sternly.

Joey looked at his father with a serious expression.

**We will be fine. You be careful! Bane plays dirty – **Joey's expression soured further – **Sick bastard.**

'Here are the coordinates. Drop him and go to base 56. I'll meet you there in a couple of days.' He gave Joey the details for the drop off point. 'Tell Superman which sedative we gave Dick and how much. Just in case he has a delayed reaction to it.'

Joey nodded, when he saw that his father was done, he hugged him tightly. Slade hugged him back for a moment then pulled him away and gripped the younger man's face in his hands.

'Be careful.'

With a strange feeling of sadness, he watched Joey get in the car and drive away. It was a strange feeling because he couldn't really explain it. It felt like he was losing something. But he would see Joey in a couple of days and Dick…well, he would soon be back where he belonged.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

An hour later, the call came through to Slade's phone.

'Hello.'

'_I told you not to play games with me.'_ Bane said.

'I'm not in the mood for games either. What do you want?' Slade growled. He really hated this bastard.

'_You know it's very obvious once you realise who they are. And once you know who they are, it's even easier to work out what they are thinking.' _Bane riddled. '_Did you think no one would notice? Robin disappears from Jump, Deathstroke disappears from Jump – rumours have been flying Wilson.'_

'What rumours?'

'_You've got yourself a new little pet.'_

Slade couldn't hold back the growl that emanated from his lips. He gripped the phone in his hand so tightly, he vaguely wondered if he would crush it.

'_I told you I had a score to settle with the Boy Wonder. Or should I say, Richard Grayson.'_ There was a wet chuckle. '_I didn't realise when I first met him. But the kid didn't break, he fought back in ways I'd only ever seen one other person do. I had a lot of time to piece it together in Arkham, but I know the truth now…but you already knew that.'_

Slade said nothing, trying not to confirm or deny anything. After a few breaths, he once again asked the Gothomite what he wanted.

'_You're boy, he's not very observant. It was easy enough to follow him to your base. You shouldn't have let him leave with my prize Terminator. I told you not to play games with me.'_

Before Slade could answer, Bane had hung up the phone. His hand shook, and he quickly dialled another number.

'Tell me you have eyes on Bane!' he demanded into the phone.

'_No, we lost track. We're searching now.' _Said Batman, then sensing Slade's agitation he added. '_Why? What's wrong?'_

'I think he's going after Dick.'

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

He was becoming a little more lucid. He watched the other cars fly by in the opposite direction, becoming more aware of what they were and where he was. Dick scrunched his eyes closed and then opened them wide, trying to remove the remaining effects of the sedative. He then looked down at his arm, which for the first time he noticed was throbbing. It was bandaged up with a plastic splint. He raised it carefully to inspect it. He couldn't remember hurting it.

Looking to his side, he recognised Joey sat beside him, his eyes on the road. Sensing eyes on him, he glanced over and smiled kindly. With his hands occupied, a smile was the only comfort he could offer him.

Dick thought hard for a moment, trying to piece everything together. He remembered being carried, and Slade…he had put him in the car. But why? Something about…the League?

'Are we going to the League?' Dick asked.

Joey nodded.

'Is Slade meeting us?'

Joey shook his head.

'Is something going on?' Dick asked, immediately sensing Joey's hesitation. However, the older boy nodded again.

Dick knew Joey couldn't explain, but he was so confused.

'I can't remember what happened.' He said. He could remember Slade saying why he had drugged him, but he couldn't remember anything before that. He had been talking to Bruce, Bruce had said something that had upset him. But he couldn't remember what. Then he'd gone out to sit with the others…

Dick growled in frustration and put his palm to his forehead.

Joey glanced over at him and seeing his distressed pulled the car over, so he could sign.

**Everything is going to be alright – **he signed.

'What's going on?' said Dick, fear beginning to trickle into his voice.

**If I tell you, I want you to remain calm and remember you are safe. – **He waited for Dick to agree. **The man who hurt you escaped, but we are handling the situation and getting you somewhere safe.**

Suddenly it all came flooding back. Bane was free! He could feel the panic rising in his chest, a tightness that felt like it would suffocate him. But Joey tapped him lightly on the side of the face.

**It's all going to be fine. Batman has it under control. **

Dick took a deep breath, trying to calm his fast-beating heart.

'Thanks, Joey. I…' he is distracted by a light behind them, rapidly coming closer to them. 'Joey…?'

In the semi-darkness of the dusk, he could make out the lights were on a large truck that was heading straight for them, with no intention of going around them.

'Joey!' Dick cried, as the vehicle made contact. Joey's car was pushed forward, spinning back onto the road. Dick was thrown forward, crying out as he used his injured arm to stop himself from flying into the dashboard. They looked around for the other car but before they could react, the truck smashed into the side of them. The force of the impact sent the small car rolling. Once, twice, three times before coming to rest on its roof. The boys groaned, hanging upside down from their seat belts.

'Joey?' Dick groaned, straining his neck to look over at his companion. Joey's forehead was bleeding, his eyes unfocused, evidence of a concussion. Dick looked around, the blood was beginning to rush to his head. He pulled at his seat belt, trying to release it. 'Joey, are you alright?' There was no answer, no sound or other indication the other man was trying to communicate with him.

Dick pulled at the belt buckle harder and finally it gave way. Sending him crashing down onto the roof, landing on his injured arm. He cried out as white-hot pain radiated through his limb as the fracture was forced into a full break. He gripped his arm, breathing deeply for a few seconds to force down the feeling that he was going to vomit. When the feeling dissipated, he forced his attention onto Joey. Even in the darkness, he could see his friend was white aside from the blood dripping down his face. He crawled to his friends' side, shaking his shoulder. It took a while, but finally, Joey turned to him.

Dick smiled weakly. 'We need to get out.'

Joey smiled back, but his smile dropped as a shadow appeared at the window behind Dick. Suddenly, the glass of the window shattered, and a large arm reached in, grabbing Dick by his legs and pulling him from the car.

Dick screamed and tried to grab onto something, but he froze when the face of Bane appeared above him. The same sinister smile that had haunted his dreams, the face that had appeared above him each time his body lay frozen on his bed. Only this time the face was real, the man was real.

'Remember me, Grayson?' Bane snarled, before clamping his hand over Dick's mouth and nose.

Joey fought against his seat belt, his eyes not leaving Dick as the boy's fight began to leave him. When the belt gave way, he tumbled down but immediately crawled towards the open window. As soon as he was free of the car he stumbled to his feet and hurled himself towards Bane.

The brute caught him, punching him in the side of the head. Already concussed, Joey went down beside Dick. He looked at the boy beside him, who was unconscious but alive. He reached and wrapped his arm around Dick as his vision began to swim. Then, with Dick in his arms, he was swallowed by darkness.

**A/N: The things I put Dickie through in the name of the plot! For faster updates, please leave a review! Knowing you are enjoying the story really motivates me to write! -Karin x**


	19. Chapter 18 - Only A Man

**A/N: WARNING, this chapter may contain scenes that some may find upsetting.**

Dick awoke to a terrible throbbing pain running through his arm. When he opened his eyes, he saw he was sat up against a cold brick wall, with his hands chained to an iron ring. His broken arm was black and blue, and it shook with the pain.

He looked around, he was chained to a wall in what looked like an old military airbase. There were abandoned planes dotted around – they clearly hadn't been worth the money or hassle it would take to move them.

A shuffling from his side drew his attention, he looked and saw Joey in much the same position. The young man was looking at him, his eyes large with concern. There was dry blood coating one side of his face and his complexion was grey. He nodded to the boy; silently asking him if he was alright.

'Where are we?' Dick whispered.

Joey shrugged his shoulders as best he could. Then he closed his eyes for a moment and rested his head against the cool wall. His head was splitting.

'Joey, don't go to sleep.' Dick said a little louder.

'No, best not to go to sleep. You may never wake up.'

Dick's whole body tensed at the sound of the voice. He pressed himself against the wall, his eyes darting around until they came to rest on the figure who had just entered.

'Finally awake I see little bird.' Bane walked over to him and crouched down, reaching a hand forward and tracing his fingers down Dick's face, his neck and collar bone. 'I was beginning to think I'd smothered you too long.'

Upon seeing Dick's distress at being touched by the man, Joey began pulling at his restraints, spitting at the man to get his attention away from Dick. Bane simply sighed.

'You are just like your father, Jericho. Always a pain in my side.' He stood and walked over to the mute, looking down on him with a disappointed shake of his head. 'You should have stayed out of it boy. This is between me and him.' He checked the tightness of Joey's chains. 'We will be leaving, but you will be staying here. Please do not interfere again.'

Going back to Dick, he resumed his crouch. Smirking when Dick tried to squirm away. 'You will be coming with me. Who knows, we might even resume some of our fun.'

A choked sob escaped from Dick's lips, fear written all over his face.

'You're afraid. Good. Maybe this time you will be a little more cooperative.' Bane said, checking the tightness of Dick's chains as well. 'And this time, I will be prepared for your strength…Boy Wonder,'

Dick's blood ran cold. Bane knew he was Robin. His secret identity was compromised, that meant Batman's ID was compromised too. He could hear his heart beating in his ears as he watched Bane leave the room. He couldn't breathe. This monster knew the truth about Batman and Robin!

Monster.

From a weird haze of memories, Dick remembered the first time he had met Joey. He remembered the English assignment, to describe the picture of Hitler and the little girl. It had been unsettling because Hitler wasn't a monster, he was a man. A dangerously flawed man.

A calmness washed over him. A calmness he hadn't felt since before he had met Slade in the rain that night. The calmness that Bruce had taught him to master before heading into a fight.

Bane wasn't a monster – he was a man. And men could be defeated. When he had faced this villain alone in his house, he had been terrified of being discovered, of betraying Batman's identity. This fear had left him vulnerable. But he didn't have to worry about that now. The cat was already out of the bag.

Bane may have the upper hand, he might be strong…but Dick was Robin – Partner to the Batman, first-ever child hero, leader of the Teen Titans!

Joey saw the change of expression on the younger boy's face. The look of fear relaxed into a mask of calm. The blue eyes looked up above him and surveyed the chains that held his hands. Then he looked over to Joey.

'Keep an eye on the door.' He said, his voice steady and slightly different to how he had heard the boy speak before. Dick was generally quiet, timid. This tone was strong, determined.

Holy crap, Joey realised. Eyes growing wide as he watched Dick twist himself around so that his feet were flat against the wall. This was Robin!

'I'm going to try and get free.' Dick said quietly.

Joey shook his head, trying to mouth the word _tracker._ Call his father paranoid, but each of Slade Wilson's children had a tiny tracker embedded into their back molar. Joey had activated his, the moment he had awoken.

'We still can't stay here. If he puts me on a plane, he could be anywhere by sunrise.' Said Dick.

Joey winced, he knew what Dick was going to do and he knew it was going to hurt. He watched the boy take a few deep breaths then he pulled against the chains, using his feet to push himself away from the wall. The pain was evident on his face as he put pressure on his broken wrist. Despite this, he kept pulling. Stopping now and again to adjust his hands. Finally, Joey could see that Dick's hands were starting to slip through slightly. But then he heard the crack.

Dick cried out in agony as his broken bone was pushed further out of place. But Dick only paused momentarily. He screamed, and he pulled at the chain with all his might. Finally, in a sudden motion, his hands came free and he fell back cradling his wrist. He took a few moments to breathe as the agony radiated from his injured hand. Then, he rolled over onto his knees and crawled to Joey.

Using the wall for support, Dick pulled himself to his feet and tried to free the older man. But his injured hand was useless, and he couldn't pick the lock with only one hand. He tried to get his fingers to move but it manifested nothing but a soft whimper.

Joey gently nudged the kid's leg with his knee. When Dick looked down, he mouthed – Go.

'I'm not leaving you here.' He sucked in a breath. The only thing keeping him conscious was the adrenaline. 'You need help for your head.'

Joey glanced down at the boy's wrist, which had a sizable lump on its side from the displaced bone.

'I've had worse.' Dick mumbled, though there was some doubt in his voice. He dared not look down at his wrist to see how bad the damage was. But the pain was intense despite the adrenaline.

Suddenly, a door slammed from somewhere in the hanger and the boys gave each other startled looks. Joey kicked the boys leg a little harder, making sure he was looking at his lips. -RUN!

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Slade grit his teeth in anger as he surveyed the overturned car. He shone his torch into the vehicle and saw broken glass on the passenger side and blood on the drivers. There wasn't a lot of blood, Joey had been alive when he left here. But someone had hurt his son.

'Wilson.'

He straightened himself up and saw Batman approach him.

'They're gone.' Slade said. 'The car is still hot, they were here not too long ago.'

'Bane?'

'I'm certain of it.' Slade kicked the car wreck in frustration. 'If he's hurt either of them, I'll…' he cut off, remembering who he was with.

'Would he hurt your boy?' asked Batman. If Slade's son was missing too, that likely met he had tried to stop Bane from taking Dick. Despite having never met the boy who went by Jericho, Bruce found himself feeling a wave of gratitude towards him.

'I doubt he would be stupid enough to kill him. But if he tries to get between them, Bane could hurt him.' He saw Batman's surprised expression. 'Joey has grown very close to your son. I would go as far as to say their bond has been helping Dick recover… if Bane hurts Dick in the same way again, even if we get him back, I don't think he would ever recover.'

Batman nodded sternly, he knew the other man was right. He needed to find them, he couldn't let Dick down again. He walked around the car, his feet crushing on broken glass. Amongst the glass, crushed, was Dick's phone. There went his plan of tracking it.

'Yes Son!' Slade suddenly shouted, typing away at his phone. 'Joey has activated his tracker. They're not that far. Come on!' He ran and jumped back onto his bike. Batman followed suit, jumping back into the car. He followed Slade along the road, doing nearly double the speed limit. He had to get there in time. He had too.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Dick burst through the door of the hanger and ran out onto the runway. He could hear Bane thundering behind him. He dared not look back. He remembered the scene a year ago after he had locked Bane in his room and had run from the house and through the streets of Gotham barefoot. He had had the advantage of a head start back then. Today, he didn't have such a luxury.

He ran down the runway as fast as his legs could carry him, but he soon felt the heavy built presence behind him.

'Gotcha boy.' Bane's arms wrapped around him and Dick fought against them.

'Let me go!' He cried.

Bane grabbed a handful of his hair and pulled his head back.

'You're mine Grayson, I marked you, remember?' Bane's voice was right beside his ear. 'And I'm going to do it again. By the time I'm through with you, you'll either be the perfect submissive or you'll be dead.' He licked up the side of Dick's face. 'If you keep fighting me, you'll wish you were dead. Now, relax.'

Keeping one arm around Dick's chest, holding him tightly restrained, Bane snaked his other down Dick's hips, caressing them and moving onto his inner thigh. In slow circles, his hand moved closer. 'It will only hurt if you fight me.' Bane whispered.

And suddenly Dick was back in his room, held down firmly on his bed as pain pulsed through his body. The room filled with his cries and flesh upon flesh. No, he would not go through that again.

'NO!' Dick threw his head back hard, breaking Bane's nose. The brute released him, but slightly dazed from the force of the blow, Dick stumbled to the floor. Scrambling to get away, but unable to get to his feet.

'That's it, kid. You're dead.' Bane brought a gun out and pointed at him. Knowing he couldn't run, Dick stared up at the man defiantly. He knew he would rather die than allow Bane to defile him again. He stared down the barrel of the gun, glaring up at Bane.

'End of the line, Boy Wonder.'

Dick felt his heartache – Bruce – He thought – Help me!

**A/N: Please review! - Karin x**


	20. Chapter 19 - Someone Save Me!

The bullet skimmed past his ear and embedded itself into the ground behind him, as a solid black forced knocked Bane to the side. For a moment, Dick could do nothing but stare ahead. He was alive. How was he alive? Then his mind began to catch up with reality. The black force was Batman.

Batman had come for him.

Bruce had come to save him.

Batman punched Bane across the face several times, causing the brutes already broken nose to bleed profusely. As he brought his hand down to punch him again, Bane caught the dark knight's hand and threw him to the side. Batman rolled and brought himself back onto his knees. But Bane had done the same, grabbing his gun in the process. He once again pointed the barrel at the young hero, Dick's breath caught in his throat.

The next thing he knew he was swallowed in darkness, his ears ringing from a second shot. Solid arms were wrapped around him, they drew him close, protecting him from the bullet. As the echo of the shot died away, Batman manoeuvred himself to face Bane, whilst keeping Dick (for the most part) covered by the bulletproof cape.

'It's funny.' Said Bane, pointing the gun at them once again. 'I never would have taken Bruce Wayne for the bleeding-heart kind.'

Dick flinched violently as the shot rang out. Curling himself into Batman's armoured chest. But the cry of pain did not come from his father, but from Bane himself. Peeking out from under the cape, Dick saw Bane had been brought to his knees, blood pouring from his thigh. He went to pick up his gun again, but the click of another gun resonated behind him.

'Don't even think about it.' Said Slade as both he and Joey had their guns trained on the Mexican drug lord.

'Really Wilson? Working with the Batman. How low you've sunk.' Bane spat, gritting his teeth through the pain.

'I'm not working with him.' Said Slade.

'Then why?' Growled Bane.

Slade stepped forward, pushing Bane onto his side with his boot. 'You kidnapped my son, Bane.'

'He was protecting the brat!'

At the mention of him, Dick shrank further into the cape.

'Who my son chooses to befriend is none of your concern. And frankly, what you did to that boy was disgusting and breaks every code of honour, even amongst thieves.'

The laugh that came from Bane's lips was so twisted it rivalled the Joker. 'Are you really going to shoot me because I violated the Boy Wonder, Deathstroke.'

'I have every reason to shoot you. You hurt my son. But I'll let the boy you hurt more decide. What do you say, Dick, should I let him live?'

They all looked over to him. All eyes focused on what he decided. Dick looked over at the being who had stripped him of his innocence, his virginity, his dignity. How much pain that man had caused him, how much pain that man had caused others. Dick knew he would never feel the same as he did before Bane's attack. He knew there would always be that darkness inside him. The memory of his rape would always haunt him. Killing Bane would not take away the nightmares or the feeling of disgust. But at least he would be certain he would never do it again.

He looked away, once again curling into Batman's armour.

'I want to go home.' He whispered. Instantly, Batman rose from the ground, bringing Dick up with him. He walked back towards the hanger. As he passed Slade, he paused.

'It's for the best.' Slade said quietly. 'He knows who you are. He has no honour, Dick would never be safe.'

Bruce nodded slowly. 'I know.'

Once they were in the hanger, Batman carried Dick over to the car and sat him down on the bonnet. They heard the final shot ring out and then everything went quiet.

Dick sat still for a long while. He was shivering, but it wasn't from the cold. The last of his adrenaline was wearing away, he was so tired.

The sound of heavy boots approached, and Slade and Joey appeared.

'It's done.' Said Slade.

**It's over Dick - **Joey signed slowly, his concussion making everything a little hazy.

Batman looked down at his son, who looked exhausted. Bruised, bleeding but alive.

'Dickie are you alright?' he asked gently. Kneeling down to the boys level.

Dick opened his mouth, instinctively going to say the word fine. But he stopped, his lip trembling. He shook his head, tears welling in his eyes.

'No,' he whimpered. 'No, I'm not okay.' The tears fell down his cheeks. 'I'm sorry, you've all tried so hard. But no, I'm not okay.'

Bruce wrapped his arms around his son and sighed in relief. Despite how heart-breaking Dick's tears were, this moment was a breakthrough. It had taken a year, but finally, Dick was admitting the truth. He needed help.

Dick groaned and curled in on himself a little. His adrenaline was drained, the exhaustion was catching up on him and the pain of his wrist was hitting him with full force. Noticing the injury, Batman gently touched the hand.

'I thought you said it was a hairline fracture.' He said quietly to Slade.

**He fell on it in the car and then it cracked when he was escaping – **Joey explained.

'Ok, Dick. Hang in there, chum.' Bruce pulled down his cowl, Dick needed his father right now – not Batman. He looked up at Joey. 'Can you hold him up for a moment?' He was worried that Dick was going to pass out. Joey came and knelt in front of Dick, holding him gently by the shoulders.

Bruce got up and walked to the back of the Batmobile, silently asking Slade to follow him. When he opened the back, he pulled out a first aid kit and found a syringe and a small bottle of clear liquid.

'You said you sedated him.' He said to the other man. 'What did you give him?'

Slade filled him in on the sedative he had administered, how much and the approximate time he gave it to him. With this information, Bruce measured a safe amount of morphine. When they walked back around the car, Dick had leant forward and was resting his head on Joey's shoulder while Joey gently rubbed his back. Dick was taking deep even breaths, trying to cope with the ever-growing pain.

'I'm going to give you something for the pain son.' Bruce said, pulling up the sleeve of Dick's shirt. Dick flinched at the touch and Joey moved his hand from Dick's back to the back of his head, trying to convey that he was safe. After Bruce had administered the morphine, Dick slowly began to relax, drifting into sleep.

Gently removing his son from Joey's care, Bruce lowered Dick into the car, moving the seat back so Dick could sleep. Then he turned back to the Terminator.

'Thank you, for everything you've done for Dick.' He said.

Slade nodded in acknowledgement. 'I'll deal with the rest of the scene here. Bane won't be a problem anymore.'

'That is a comfort to me, if not to Dick.' Bruce said, he pointed to Joey. 'You better get your son home too. He looks dead on his feet.'

Slade took a step back and Bruce pulled the cowl back up and jumped into the car.

'I will be in touch, Batman.' He said.

'I expected no less.' Said Bruce, shutting the car door. Slade watched them drive away into the dawn before turning back to his own son. Wayne was right, Joey looked done.

'Come on. Let's get you home.'

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

**Three days later**

Bruce was dozing in his chair beside Dick's hospital bed. He had been sat there for the majority of the time since bringing Dick to the Mountain. The damage to Dick's wrist had been severe, the nerve in his hand at risk of dying. The surgery needed to fix it had been long and Dick had been on a high dose of painkiller since.

His phone buzzed and rose Bruce from his dozing. He checked the caller ID, then crept from the room to avoid waking his sleeping son.

'Wilson.' He said into the phone after he had eased the door closed.

'_How is he?'_

'He needed surgery on his wrist, but it will heal. He's in a lot of pain and on a lot of drugs, so hard to judge his mental wellbeing.'

'_The situation with Bane is done. It will be a while before anyone finds him.' _Slade said.

'I'm not sure the police will look too much into it, but won't the underworld come after you?' Bruce asked, knowing the underworld's idea of justice was a little warped, but they lived by the code of settling scores.

'_The bastard kidnapped and injured my son. I was perfectly in my rights. Besides, Bane's been slowly losing it for years. He was a loose cannon. I'm surprised Ivy ever wanted to work with him.'_

Bruce sighed heavily, flashes of the incident last year playing over his mind. That was all he could remember from the event; flashes. It frustrated him, especially knowing that the events that he couldn't remember were the same events that kept his son screaming in fear at night.

'_Joseph is looking like he's lost a limb.'_ Slade admitted. Joey had been looking very lost the last few days. He'd had a life before Dick, but he couldn't seem to find his way back to it now that Dick was gone.

'I'm sure something can be arranged, outside of the mask.' Bruce said, he didn't want to admit to the mercenary that Dick had been muttering Joey's name in his sleep. He could tell the impact Joey had had on Dick's recovery, and he owed Dick's life to the boy. 'Have you ever considered going straight, working as a therapist?'

The was a chuckle from the other end of the line. '_Not many people would be tough enough to benefit from my therapy. But Dick is one of the strongest people I have ever met. I brought him back from the edge Mr Wayne, now it's time for you to bring him back to life.'_ And just like that, the line went dead.

Returning to Dick's room, he walked in to see the boy on the bed was semi-awake. His hooded eyes watching the man as he strode back across the room.

'Hi Chum.' Bruce said, taking a seat beside the bed again and leaning forward so he could rest his arms on the bed. 'How are you feeling?'

'Sore.' Said Dick. He glanced down at the cast on his arm. 'Figures.'

'There was quite a lot of damage to your arm that needed fixing. Leslie says you're probably going to be in some pain for a little while. But that's what morphine is for.' Bruce tried to say this as lightly as possible. He had had this conversation with Dick before, but with the drugs in his system, Dick's memory was compromised.

'Your friends have been asking about you?' Bruce said. 'Do you feel up to seeing someone? Wally maybe?'

It took Dick a few seconds to register what Bruce was asking, but then he nodded slowly in agreement.

Taking this as a good sign, Bruce texted Barry to let him know he could release his nephew, who had been frantically trying to see Dick since his rescue. Unsurprisingly, it only took Wally a few minutes to make his way from Central to the mountain's med-bay. But he stuck his head around the door with surprising calmness.

'Hi, can I come in?' Wally said.

'West. Yes, come in, I need to go get a change of clothes.' Said Bruce. 'Are you alright if I go home for a while Dick?'

Dick smiled sleepily. 'I'll be fine, Bruce.'

After gently ruffling Dick's hair, Bruce left the room – giving Wally a quick instruction not to tire Dick out too much. When the Dark Knight was gone, Kid Flash stood awkwardly in the doorway for a while. The last time he had been face to face with his best friend, they had had a fight.

'I don't bite Wally.' Said Dick, making Wally finally look over at him. Despite the pale complexion, the hand shape bruise over his mouth and nose, the IV in his arm and the thick cast on the other; Wally was surprised to see that Dick actually looked…better. Not physically. Physically he was a wreck. But there was a spark of life back in the youngers eyes that hadn't been there the last time he had seen him.

'Dude…' Wally went to make a joke but found that he couldn't. "I've missed you.'

'I've missed you too.' Dick lifted the hand with the IV attached, to invite Wally over. In microseconds, the speedster was at his side, but then at a slower pace, he settled himself onto the bed beside him. Initially, Dick tensed, but then he relaxed, leaning against his friends' side.

'I heard what happened.' Said Wally. 'How are you feeling about everything?'

'I don't know.' Dick admitted, 'I'm pretty high right now so it's hard to be sure what I'm actually feeling and what is the drugs.'

'Well, you look good.' Said Wally, then he internally kicked himself.

'Now I know you're lying. Bruce hasn't let me see my face since y surgery, so I'm guessing it's pretty messed up.'

Wally shrugged. 'It's a little…bruised.'

Dick laughed, then groaned when it made everything hurt.

'Hey, you wanna watch cat videos on Youtube?'

An hour later, Dick was curled into Wally's side as they continued to get lost in the maze of videos of Youtube. They'd started on cats but were now watching small goats getting scared and fainting. When the soft knock came on the door, they both looked up.

When Cyborg's form appeared in the doorway, Wally panicked and reached over to grab Dick's sunglasses. But Dick stopped him.

'No, Wally. He deserves to know. Come on in Cy.'

'I hope I'm not intruding. I just wanted to check you were alright?'

'Thanks, Cy, I'll be good soon. You were right, I need to face what happened to me. Not ignore it.'

Cyborg came in and sat in the chair Bruce had been occupying,

'Listen, I'm really sorry about what I said. It wasn't my place…'

'You're my friend,' Dick interrupted. 'It is your place to call me out when I'm being an idiot. I was breaking Cyborg. What happened after our fight wasn't ideal. But it wasn't your fault. Something needed to change.'

The half-robot relaxed, he looked like a huge weight had been taken off his shoulders. 'Thanks, Robin…you look really different without your eyes covered.'

Dick took a deep breath, knowing that this was something he needed to do if he was ever going to feel somewhat normal ever again. It was time to take a leap of faith – a real one.

'My name's Dick Grayson. Nice to meet you.'

They talked for about 30 minutes, but when Dick began to get tried again, Cyborg said his goodbyes leaving Dick to sleep. After the Teen Titan left, it wasn't long before Bruce returned; fresh-faced and in new clothes.

'Everything alright?' he asked Wally.

'Yeh,' the ginger replied. 'I think he is.' He untangled himself from the bed and left. Once alone, Bruce sat at watched Dick sleep for a while. With the pain of his arm, Dick's sleep was light, and his eyes flickered open again.

'You alright Dick?'

'Hurts.' Dick mumbled.

Bruce reached for the remote on the edge of Dick's bed and pushed the button that fed more morphine into Dick's veins. In moments Dick sighed in relief. Relaxing back against his pillow.

'Thank you.'

'No problem son. Get some sleep, it won't be long before you're back on your feet.' Bruce said, leaning forward and brushing some of Dick's hair off his face.

Dick hummed in response.

'I love you, Dickie.' Said Bruce, fully expecting Dick's usual response.

'I love you too.' Said Dick, sinking back into a drug-induced sleep.

**A/N: A bit of a longer chapter as we are very nearly at the end. I hope all feel Bane got what he deserved. Technically Batman did not go back on his golden rule, but as Christian Bale once said, 'I'm not going to kill you...but that doesn't mean I have to save you.' I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please review! - Karin x**


	21. Chapter 20 - The New Normal

**5 Years Later**

Dick's eyes snapped open, he stared up at the dark ceiling above him. He could hear his heart beating in his ears and every inch of his body felt heavy. His breath began to come in pants as he realised, he was once again trapped in his body. Soon enough, the face of Bane appeared over him, the disgusting mouth coming down to his face as hands pressed down on his chest.

Dick forced himself to ignore it, to focus instead on his hand. Focusing all his attention on the simple act of closing his hand. At first, the limb refused to be commanded, but then slowly one by one his fingers began to close. One each had folded into the fist, Dick sat bolt upright gasping for breath. Taking control, he sucked in a breath and held it for 8 seconds before slowly blowing it back out. He did these three times, resting one hand on his chest, the other on his stomach. Finally, his heart slowed its pace and he felt calmer.

'Damn it.' He cursed. It had been a year since he'd suffered from sleep paralysis. He'd known the second he saw the hostages during today's mission that he would be having a bad night. They had been chained to the wall, three women, each of their clothes indicated they had been assaulted. Nightwing had remained calm, guiding his team through the rescue mission. But he'd known right there and then that he would be triggered. He was going to have to organise sessions with Dinah again, he knew it.

He pushed himself out of bed. He wasn't going to be able to sleep now anyway. He was too on edge. His anxiety still making his body buzz. He pulled on his sneakers and grabbed a towel, his phone and his earbuds. Carefully ignoring the scar on his wrist as he did so. He didn't need to think about that right now. Having everything he needed, he headed out of his room at the mountain and descended down to the beach.

Over the last five years, Dick had found the health of his mind came and went in waves. For 6 months after Bane was killed, he had been good. He'd had sessions with Dinah, brought the Teen Titans and Young Justice together, passed all his exams at school. He was getting his life back on track. And then he had been triggered and spent another 3 months benched from Robin. He'd stopped eating, sleeping, functioning. After a week of spiralling, Bruce had called in Joey. The young man had sat with the boy for hours. Finally, Dick had started to rebuild his mental health again, but he didn't feel like he could go back to Robin. There were too many triggers, too many memories. After almost a month of sessions with Dinah and long conversations with Bruce, Robin was put to rest and Nightwing was born and Dick entered into a year of happy normalcy.

His next breakdown had been worse. Bane's body was discovered, the discovery plastered all over the news all week. Dick shrank into himself, not leaving his room for days. Bruce and Alfred became on high alert, keeping visual for any sharp objects. They had considered locking his bedroom windows, but Dick felt safer in high places. They didn't want to take that away from him. In the end, it had been the surprise arrival of Jason Todd that had brought Dick out of his darkness. The new boy fascinated him, and he spent many hours trying to befriend him.

At first, Jason had resisted. Not interested in making friends with his new 'brother'. But eventually, Jason caved (as most people do) to Dick's character. As weird as Dick was, Jay couldn't deny that he enjoyed the older boy's company.

They became closer after an evening on the roof of the manor. Jason had stolen to the roof in the middle of the night to smoke. Only to find Dick already up there and doing exactly the same.

'Didn't take you for a smoker?' he said, sitting down next to Dick.

'I'm not.' Dick had replied, passing over the small tube he had been inhaling from. Jason took the tube and realised quickly that it was plastic.

'Weird.' He said

'It's CBD.' Dick explained. He'd looked tired...drained. 'For my anxiety.'

Jason handed the device back and looked awkward.

'I've heard rumours.' He said. 'Around the base…did you really try to kill yourself?'

'Stepped in front of a train.' Dick said flatly. It had been 3 years since that night in the rain, the night Slade had saved him from himself.

'Why?'

Dick hadn't been able to answer him. But he gave Bruce permission to tell Jason his story. If Jason was going to be a part of this family, he had the right to know why his older brother was so unstable. Jason never mentioned it again, but whenever he knew Dick had had a bad day, and he heard him head to the roof, he would follow. Sometimes they would talk, other times they would sit in comfortable silence. It wasn't much, Jason knew that, but it was something and Dick seemed to appreciate it.

Two years after Jason arrived, Nightwing was now the leader of the team, Jay had become Robin. Everything had been going smoothly…until today and the mission with the girls.

When Dick reached the beach, he walked over to the rocks by the water and sat with his feet in the waves. He looked up at the moon that was still shining in the dark sky.

Putting his headphones in, he started playing 'Do Android's Dream of Electric Sheep'. As the soft male voice continued reading where he had left off, Dick looked down at his feet. Watching has the water gently lapped at his ankles. He stayed there for a long while, watching as the sun began to rise over the horizon. It was beautiful.

By the time the morning had really begun, Dick finally felt the anxiety die down from his chest. He stretched, popping his joints.

This was his new normal. Riding the waves of his anxiety and his depression. Enjoying the good days when they came and dealing with the bad as Slade and Joey had once shown him how to do. He still saw Joey a few times a month and had seen Slade a handful of times over the last five years. After everything that had happened, they actively avoided meeting each other in the field. But Dick knew that he asked Joey how the young hero was doing.

Honestly, he was ok. It wasn't perfect and some day's he wished he could just feel like he did when he was a kid. But he knew he would never feel the same again and most of the time he accepted that. He wasn't healed, he wasn't fixed. But at least he was no longer traumatised.

**End**

**A/N: That's all folks! Thanks for sticking with me through another book. I hope you enjoyed this story! Please leave a review and let me know what you think :). To keep up with my other stories, make sure you are following my profile! Until next time - Karin x**


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